ferret-in-a-sock
Member
- Jan 25, 2023
- 72
I feel like I lost my non-existent support system. A month ago when I went to move I asked family for help. I didn't expect no. It made me feel really isolated, because I try not to bother them a lot.
i managed with coworkers, but those same coworkers are moving away soon. Then I'm kind of realizing my friendship has probably been one sided for 6 months and now...and now it's over.
One of my biggest phobias/delusions was always infestation. I moved into an apartment which has...infestation. roaches, fruit flies, and I fear mice though I haven't seem them yet, just a bad inkling.
It drives me insane. I clean fastidiously. I'm driven to tears because I can't stand the very real bugs present (the roaches are gone for now after an exterminator and I'm working to seal the bad caulk job and baseboards myself to keep them out). The fruit flies are so numerous and despite vinegar traps I can't handle waking up to them on me.
I don't usually have any issues with eating or desire to purge, but the fear of infestation and the bugs means I refuse to keep food in the house mostly leading to skipping food or eating sometimes at home and then having the urge to vomit.
I keep losing my temper at work and that combined with it feels like my friends and family leaving me makes me feel like I'm really that bad off. Like my self worth was non existent but now I feel so close to just giving up. Like I'm really that bad of a person, that everyone wants nothing to do with me. I mean, hell my therapist dumped me months ago so maybe. Maybe I'm that awful.
i managed with coworkers, but those same coworkers are moving away soon. Then I'm kind of realizing my friendship has probably been one sided for 6 months and now...and now it's over.
One of my biggest phobias/delusions was always infestation. I moved into an apartment which has...infestation. roaches, fruit flies, and I fear mice though I haven't seem them yet, just a bad inkling.
It drives me insane. I clean fastidiously. I'm driven to tears because I can't stand the very real bugs present (the roaches are gone for now after an exterminator and I'm working to seal the bad caulk job and baseboards myself to keep them out). The fruit flies are so numerous and despite vinegar traps I can't handle waking up to them on me.
I don't usually have any issues with eating or desire to purge, but the fear of infestation and the bugs means I refuse to keep food in the house mostly leading to skipping food or eating sometimes at home and then having the urge to vomit.
I keep losing my temper at work and that combined with it feels like my friends and family leaving me makes me feel like I'm really that bad off. Like my self worth was non existent but now I feel so close to just giving up. Like I'm really that bad of a person, that everyone wants nothing to do with me. I mean, hell my therapist dumped me months ago so maybe. Maybe I'm that awful.
