Too scared to die too sad too live

[KAS]

I grew up in an abusive home but escaped for 4 years. Unfortunately, due to finances, I had to come back. I hate living here. I'm 27 but I feel as though I've gotten nowhere in life. My family are incapable of showing any emotional empathy, and frankly, they don't care about me in any way. This place is just a roof over my head. I'll never get out of here, though. I'm doomed to rot here forever. I'm also the ugly sister - my sister is incredibly beautiful, but as my dad told me, 'you don't have any features that stand out but you're lovely on the inside.' I really am desperate and want to end it, but how? Every way out looks terrifying. Yet I'm in too much pain to live. What do I do?

 

[Pale_Rider]

Well I get the title anyways.

 

[darksouls]

hello welcome to sasu

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Having been out and having to come back for financial reasons, sounds incredibly agonizing, I'm very sorry. I hope you find a way back out.

 

[KAS]

Having been out and having to come back for financial reasons, sounds incredibly agonizing, I'm very sorry. I hope you find a way back out.

Thank you. It's just having someone listen to me. I don't get heard in my family. I feel totally isolated, as my so-called 'friends' have all turned out to be immature or unkind. I don't have a soul in the world to turn to. Both my parents have severe emotional/mental issues, my siblings are shallow and self-absorbed, and I get left out of most things in our family. I just exist at this point, but sometimes it feels too painful to go on

 

[Blue Dream]

Would you be unable to afford a roommate situation? Maybe away from cities so the rent is cheaper.

Or a shelter. If your sitch is that bad maybe it would be an upgrade.

 

[Suzzana]

im sorry about all of this.
i relate to you so much
I'm the ugly sister
i have gone and gotten a taste of freedom and was forced back by circumstance
i want to end it but going from knowing religious peace to not believing in anything paralyzes me with fear
but idk how to stop it I'm thinking about it all the time
people move on and get better and more successful and i get worse and more embarrassing
its truly never ending but i know the end is near

 

[dontaskmewhatithink]

You've just described how I often feel. If it's any comfort, you're not alone in this. Sometimes I think that perhaps people like you and I don't really want to die; instead, we want to start living the life we want. I also get feeling like the ugly sibling. Unfortunately, genetics are just unfair like that. Sending hugs.