Venting Too scared of the future because of social anxiety

[rakanmain]

I let my parents force me into studying something I hate, just because I was too scared of getting a job. I was already suicidal but being in a class learning about stuff I hate really started getting to me and every day I just felt like crying so bad, during lunch break I just started sobbing and didn´t want to come back to class like that. After that I just never went back because I was too scared of being behind and feeling stupid (i was already really behind even when i did go to class) so I just pretend to go to class every day until one day they find out it´s all a lie. I don´t think I´ll ever be happy living with social anxiety, every single day is so stressful and I just want to rest. The only thing keeping me going for some reason is thinking about how happy and careless I used to be when I was younger, I feel like I´m disappointing younger me.
sorry if i speak weird my english isnt the best