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mysticatedwine

mysticatedwine

rotting autistic sun
Mar 4, 2025
204
i was scared of death as a child. i still am today actually. there is so much more i wish i could do with my life, too many hobbies i want to indulge in.

i wish i could study insects. continue embroidery. do more online roleplaying and create more OCs. Learn how to cook, watch more of the movies that i love and read so many books. Buy and get into more board games (i have around 25) and eventually create one of my own. Get further into 3d printing. make more handcrafted gifts for those i love. there's so many things i can't remember it all.

the date set for my suicide is summer 2026. this life is so painful but oh how i long for a little more time... if only it wasn't that painful.
 
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Kitsuné_

Kitsuné_

Student
Sep 8, 2025
173
Being full of interior life is a blessing.

"An ocuppied solitude is the best of lives" Cicero.

Hold on to it as much as you can ❤️
 
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mysticatedwine

mysticatedwine

rotting autistic sun
Mar 4, 2025
204
Being full of interior life is a blessing.

"An ocuppied solitude is the best of lives" Cicero.

Hold on to it as much as you can ❤️
thank you, this really means a lot
 
M

melonpan

Member
Sep 9, 2024
69
I feel the exact same as you except rather than being afraid of death as a child, I was more afraid of growing old hence I'd rather die. Still an issue… I remember seeing a quote that says "you're always haunted by the idea that you're wasting your life" and well, it's pretty accurate. Having so many hobbies but also being preoccupied with having to live, it's annoying.
But! Even then, for both you and me, we should try to engage in our hobbies as much as possible. Personally, I'm hoping I can start trying to with the mindset "I'm gonna die anyways, might as well live a good life and enjoy myself"
 
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suicidal_tendencies

suicidal_tendencies

Suicide is a word that resonates within me...
Mar 17, 2025
61
I can relate to this, because I too have a lot of hobbies I want to indulge in and thing I want to learn. So many projects, so little time. And since I started becoming a member of the society of working adults, I haven't had as much time as I wanted to do those things. And if I have time, I spend it like now, doing something to relax and take a break from the long day. That's one of the reasons, I want to ctb, to have the whole day for myself and pursuing my hobbies ^_^
 
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mysticatedwine

mysticatedwine

rotting autistic sun
Mar 4, 2025
204
I can relate to this, because I too have a lot of hobbies I want to indulge in and thing I want to learn. So many projects, so little time. And since I started becoming a member of the society of working adults, I haven't had as much time as I wanted to do those things. And if I have time, I spend it like now, doing something to relax and take a break from the long day. That's one of the reasons, I want to ctb, to have the whole day for myself and pursuing my hobbies ^_^
thank you for sharing this story. do you believe that if you ctb you will have more time to yourself in the afterlife?
 
suicidal_tendencies

suicidal_tendencies

Suicide is a word that resonates within me...
Mar 17, 2025
61
thank you for sharing this story. do you believe that if you ctb you will have more time to yourself in the afterlife?
yeah, I believe, that I would have all the time for myself without anyone disturbing me ^_^
 
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Reactions: mysticatedwine

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