Too ashamed to commit

[dontletthembribeyou]

I have this problem where I need to CTB ASAP, but I'm afraid to because I don't want certain people to find out. I know that the people who hurt me will see my obituary, infer that i must have committed suicide, and feel even more justified in what they did to me. I wish suicide really did make people regret how they treated you, but I know that's nothing but a fantasy. Instead it just devastates the people who actually loved you and makes everyone else see you as weak, destructive, selfish, less than, etc. But it frees you from your circumstances, and I need that desperately. I want them to think I recovered from what they did to me, but I know that I never actually will and I can't bear to live any longer while feeling like this.

 

[Alexandra_]

I am sorry that you are suffering in this life. It is not easy to decide to commit suicide. I understand you, because I am in a similar situation. I wish you all the best

 

[AgniFirePunch]

I am sorry to hear you feel that way. I feel the exact same way, trapped between the desire to escape from the circumstances and the emotions that torture my brain all day every day, but then to ctb would just prove them right and just hurt the people who do care about me.