asty
New Member
- Mar 12, 2026
- 1
hi. i've followed the forum for a while but only felt the need to create an account now, considering things have only been getting worse for me. i'm quite uneasy of asking something whose answers could be found in other posts on the forum, so i just read and observe everything from afar. but even after searching for some topic related to this and reading a few, i didn't find anything i truly identified with.
i don't have any diagnosis regarding this, so the most i can say is that i have an abnormal fear of hurting myself, and a constant fear of dying. i can only report my personal experience with this to give some idea of the level, but my main goal is to find some answer here or a similar post on the forum about this. i'm quite new around here so i don't know how to search properly. but i wanted to get this off my chest and vent a little, hoping someone goes through something similar.
my body is very sensitive even to touch, and i'm extremely afraid of hurting myself.
at school, people would often poke my belly to scare me and make me writhe on the floor; at one point even the teachers did this, and although i hated it, i never had the courage to tell them it bothered me because it made them laugh.
i could never properly do SH for the same reason, all the injuries i've made so far were very superficial and scared me.
fear of death is something that constantly disturbs me. i don't go out on the street for fear of dying in a mugging, i'm extremely careful when using knives and dangerous things, to the point where the thoughts make my hand tremble.
when i lived in an apartment with my father, i always kept a knife nearby for fear that someone would break in, until one day he scolded me about it when i went to greet him at the entrance with a knife, thinking it was an intruder.
i always lock the windows in my room despite the heat, for fear of someone breaking in and killing me through it.
i'm constantly afraid that the people who bullied me at school will find me nowadays and kill me.
in every anxiety attack i've had, i was always afraid i was having a heart attack, even with no precedent other than a sedentary lifestyle. i'm a hypochondriac and constantly fear having some hidden disease in my body, and getting sick until i die.
once on a school visit to a medical clinic, my blood pressure dropped after a presentation about the risk of diseases, so they had to move me to another room and i was treated right there, it was quite funny.
i'm not afraid of regret and i don't believe in an afterlife, but i'm afraid of pain on a surreal level and i can't trick my mind by saying it will only last a few minutes before i can have some peace.
ctb seems like an answer far from my reality, but if i persist here i'll continue being tortured by my thoughts. i'm slowly going crazy and getting worse every day i stay here.
i want to have the courage and overcome the fear to do this but i simply don't know how.
i wish i had some friend to accompany me and calm me down during the process, but from what i've read around here, that would only cause legal problems in their lives.
i don't have any diagnosis regarding this, so the most i can say is that i have an abnormal fear of hurting myself, and a constant fear of dying. i can only report my personal experience with this to give some idea of the level, but my main goal is to find some answer here or a similar post on the forum about this. i'm quite new around here so i don't know how to search properly. but i wanted to get this off my chest and vent a little, hoping someone goes through something similar.
my body is very sensitive even to touch, and i'm extremely afraid of hurting myself.
at school, people would often poke my belly to scare me and make me writhe on the floor; at one point even the teachers did this, and although i hated it, i never had the courage to tell them it bothered me because it made them laugh.
i could never properly do SH for the same reason, all the injuries i've made so far were very superficial and scared me.
fear of death is something that constantly disturbs me. i don't go out on the street for fear of dying in a mugging, i'm extremely careful when using knives and dangerous things, to the point where the thoughts make my hand tremble.
when i lived in an apartment with my father, i always kept a knife nearby for fear that someone would break in, until one day he scolded me about it when i went to greet him at the entrance with a knife, thinking it was an intruder.
i always lock the windows in my room despite the heat, for fear of someone breaking in and killing me through it.
i'm constantly afraid that the people who bullied me at school will find me nowadays and kill me.
in every anxiety attack i've had, i was always afraid i was having a heart attack, even with no precedent other than a sedentary lifestyle. i'm a hypochondriac and constantly fear having some hidden disease in my body, and getting sick until i die.
once on a school visit to a medical clinic, my blood pressure dropped after a presentation about the risk of diseases, so they had to move me to another room and i was treated right there, it was quite funny.
i'm not afraid of regret and i don't believe in an afterlife, but i'm afraid of pain on a surreal level and i can't trick my mind by saying it will only last a few minutes before i can have some peace.
ctb seems like an answer far from my reality, but if i persist here i'll continue being tortured by my thoughts. i'm slowly going crazy and getting worse every day i stay here.
i want to have the courage and overcome the fear to do this but i simply don't know how.
i wish i had some friend to accompany me and calm me down during the process, but from what i've read around here, that would only cause legal problems in their lives.
