Venting tonight's the night

[tomyumgoong]

I am the happiest I've ever been. Things are peaceful. However, I spoke with my ex boyfriend today and he did nothing but gaslight me. I can't live with these memories of sexual abuse and a complete lack of closure. My plan is rail suicide. Selfish, I understand that. I just need an indirect method that guarantees that I'll die. I'm worried about what comes after death. I tried to be a good person.

 

[inverse-weibull]

Wishing you the best with whatever happens, I hope you're able to find peace

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find the peace from suffering you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[Tombs_in_your_eyes]

I feel your pain, and respect your decision. Trauma from sexual abuse can be devastating. I know how painful and debilitating the flashbacks and memories can be.

I hesitate to give unsolicited advice here. But you mention being happy and peaceful outside of the memories and lack of closure, so if you don't go through with it today, there are certain therapies that can help enormously with trauma, including EMDR and trauma informed CBT. If you've already tried these therapies, or you can't access/afford them, I'm really sorry. If you can, they can be transformative, and allow you to live alongside the memories without them causing such distress.

Having said that, if you do go through with your decision, given the pain you're in, I understand completely.

 

[ventingfrustrations]

I hope you find the peace from suffering you search for, I wish you the best.

Hey funeral it has been awhile since I've seen you on I honestly thought you were gone and found peace wether you got the ticket to that final bus or having a go at life

 

[ValkyrieCain]

I am the happiest I've ever been. Things are peaceful. However, I spoke with my ex boyfriend today and he did nothing but gaslight me. I can't live with these memories of sexual abuse and a complete lack of closure. My plan is rail suicide. Selfish, I understand that. I just need an indirect method that guarantees that I'll die. I'm worried about what comes after death. I tried to be a good person.

Hope you find the peace your seeking. You are a good person, events outside our control basically destroying any form of hope or happiness we strive to achieve, its moreso a reflection of the state of the world itself and the wickedness of people in it that made these feelings fester in you, you aint selfish for seeking a relief from all of that.

If you do pull out, I do hope again that you find peace in whatever methods whether it be through therapy or treatment , that brings you some closure .

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I'm sorry for where you find yourself, and wish for you all the best, but I also note your mention of feeling happy and peaceful. I hope you may find a bit of time to reflect and consider the possibility of therapy mentioned above should you think that could be an option for you. I hope you can find closure and true inner peace either way, regardless of others like your ex-boyfriend. Nobody knows what comes after death, and I'm sure you are a good person with lots of love and kindness to give. Sending you love and hugs.