Tonight's the night (or should be)

[fficiallyjawshh]

I know how it feels to act. Even the most successful people are walking around with "imposter syndrome" despite what they portray. Imagine you claiming you are worthless suffering from the same feelings CEOs suffer from... Humans are all the same despite the distance you see and feel between yourself and others.




The fact that your father was not around can be contributing to your sense of worthlessness, even though he did not do anything that you see as horrible and deficient. And despite how much your mom or other female caregivers did to supplement, it is rarely enough to rear a male child into full manhood.

You may not be interested in doing so but I think you could benefit from talking to a male therapist about your feelings.

1. They will give you unbiased opinions
2. Provide insight and support from a male perspective that you may not readily see
3. Experience some form of relief and heightened sense of self worth having someone listen to your problems and validate them (as opposed you belittling yourself thinking you are whining and your problems dont matter. I suspect others have reinforced this view which is why you are comfortable with it.)

Actually no, no one has reinforced that I'm annoying . Quite the opposite really since I don't put my sad feelings on display . I think I'm pretty self aware, and maybe that's a bad thing to an extent bc that's where a bunch of this comes from . Not that my sexuality is of a lot of relevance but growing up in the gay community probably did do a little damage . A LOT of them are so shallow, mean, superficial or look amazing and comparing myself to them (I compare myself to almost everybody, it's another negatively drastic thing I do) has done a number on my mental health starting when I was younger . Social media as much as I hate to admit it reinforces these thoughts about myself DESPITE me knowing that social media is all one big flex or one huge artificial happiness pot . I know that but I still let how well someone else younger than me is doing in life have an affect on my mental state . I appreciate your suggestion though, I just doubt that for me personally it would be of any benefit at all .

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

Actually no, no one has reinforced that I'm annoying . Quite the opposite really since I don't put my sad feelings on display . I think I'm pretty self aware, and maybe that's a bad thing to an extent bc that's where a bunch of this comes from . Not that my sexuality is of a lot of relevance but growing up in the gay community probably did do a little damage . A LOT of them are so shallow, mean, superficial or look amazing and comparing myself to them (I compare myself to almost everybody, it's another negatively drastic thing I do) has done a number on my mental health starting when I was younger . Social media as much as I hate to admit it reinforces these thoughts about myself DESPITE me knowing that social media is all one big flex or one huge artificial happiness pot . I know that but I still let how well someone else younger than me is doing in life have an affect on my mental state . I appreciate your suggestion though, I just doubt that for me personally it would be of any benefit at all .

From a developmental standpoint a father who is not 100% active *does* reinforce feelings of worthlessness. He doesnt have to say it for you to mentally internalize it unknowingly. It is a fathers job to be there whether or not he's with your mom; no matter how much of a difficult time you may be having getting along.

And yes I can see where being gay plays into it. A lot of AA gay men experience these types of things...

Well my only goal was to challenge your assumptions to see if you have an open mind regarding your situation. I will not continue to pry as it does not seem like you wish to entertain than route...

I just doubt that for me personally it would be of any benefit at all .

If that is your feeling then you are not open to the possibilities that your assumptions may be incorrect. Therapy in your community is frowned upon. As such you may have already discounted the suggestion before you have had a chance to experience a potentially positive result. If this is where you are at then you are correct, it will do no good. I'll respect your stance, though I do not think you can judge something that you have not yet explored.

Take care...

**Sending good vibes**

EDIT:

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I think I'm pretty self aware.​

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Every human has a blind spot where it pertains to themselves. You and me included.