Venting Tomorrow's gonna be hell

[LeWantsToDie]

I have autism.
I fixated on killing myself on the 16th - decided on partial hanging, tied the noose, had the noose with the knot all done in my room. Prepared all my suicide notes. Got everything in order, Got the stray cat I feed rehomed.
A fucking a-hole (who I care about way too much and can't bring myself to hate) made it so that now I'm not left alone for more than ten minutes and my bedroom door is always open.
I can't kill myself tomorrow.
Tomorrow's going to be a heck of a meltdown.
To make it worse, the voices are acting up again and I am literally so close to banging my head on the wall until I pass out/die.
And tomorrow's my birthday and as all past birthdays, I'm just going to have my family wish me. Happy birthday to me, I guess.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like such an awful situation, I understand that it's so dreadful feeling so trapped in this existence. But anyway best wishes, it's cruel how people have to suffer so much.

 

[february in alaska]

If you don't mind my asking, are they intentionally doing that because they suspect/know your plans to CTB, or is it just a coincidence?

Either way I'm sorry. I especially know how difficult birthdays can be, when everyone expects you to be happy and is congratulating you for another year still alive. I hope you find peace somehow

 

[baabbaabbaab]

Sounds like one hell of a situation... The open door thing is a one time thing ? Will it be gone in few days ?

In the meantime, hang in there mate...

 

[LeWantsToDie]

If you don't mind my asking, are they intentionally doing that because they suspect/know your plans to CTB, or is it just a coincidence?

Either way I'm sorry. I especially know how difficult birthdays can be, when everyone expects you to be happy and is congratulating you for another year still alive. I hope you find peace somehow

They know. My family's on full alert mode now, I have a past suicide attempt so yeah, makes things worse. Thank you though this helped.

Sounds like one hell of a situation... The open door thing is a one time thing ? Will it be gone in few days ?

In the meantime, hang in there mate...

More like a month or so before they get tired of it.