inthewoods
Member
- Dec 27, 2021
- 6
I have an older copy of PPH and have sat with the SN for a year, and last I read the regimen has changed or was suggested.
can anyone report me to what's known to be best? I have an anti anemic and also diazepam which i recall hearing some folks using.
i am afraid of throwing any up, and the PPH copy i have i can't find any instructions? i had two copies and deleted one anyone know where?
i'm... shocked it's time. tried to fix my life for 3 years and it's hit the end. 3 important close people know are aware and just don't care or believe me at this point. i know they will regret it but i've been sick and i guess they've decided it's my choice and they can live with knowing i did reach out my final week to no avail.
i've suffered from a lot of trauma and personality disorder, i had a number of good years... my mid twenties to earlier thirties, last 5 have been beyond broken. abusive partner left, i'm isolated, i don't have any family that isn't toxic aside from my mom.
my will i'll wrap up tomorrow. i'm worried about my cats but think i've arranged the right people to help. namely an old friend from high school, paying her to fly in and handle everything.
people care about mental health until you exhibit poor mental health and then they take it personal. i so badly just wanted a big loving hug and it's been so long. i lost my dog last year and a cat and dealt with it entirely alone.
i really hope it's pain free and quick, i've had a lot of pain and trauma early in life and then the last 5 years... im sad im going out sad, id like to give myself a good day tomorrow but i know id be picking uo
my spirits and then scare myself out of it. it's really hard to make this happen, i have the resolve because i know i've got no one and have lost my mental capacity for hope a long time ago, and at the moment an ex has a legal case against me and his refusal to negotiate a settlement that i could handle without prolonged shame has just wrecked me. 4 months pushing for that, pleading, offering of money, stay away forever etc. I never hit him or hurt him or stalked or contacted his family or friends or anything i just had severe OCD and was petulant about a final call of 5 min which i needed so that i could move on without total shame. i couldn't control my behavior and kept emailing and texting, i know im fucked up, i lack love and have been betrayed too much by those i've trusted, those i made chosen family, and myself.
i hope there is an after life and my dog is waiting for me. i hope it's really beautiful and special and pure. i hope the people i leave behind like my dad and brothers, once they stop being angry at me, actually take in how horrible they were to me and how they really refused to do any work to make me feel safe.
being queer has made my life hard, forced me to grow up so fast too, got me involved with the wrong adults including a predator when i was young, had so much shame and isssues with faith, immigrant dad made my life hell, i was branded a black sheep but i just wanted safety and love and needed supportive adult figures. some people are so lucky in life. i have gratitude for the things j built in my life when i was doing well and capable but ultimately at the end of the day, i can't change the wiring that's just become too permanent to get relief from. i just turned 37 and it was as sad and lonely as the last few birthdays and holidays except i was just more numb to it, think because i knew i was near the end.
there will be no funeral, no viewing, and only an obituary for the sake of historical record. even as i write this i wish someone could come and save me and or even my ex to allow for a healing ending instead of one that would imply im basically a monster for badly wanting a better ending than how he chose it to end. it hurts. im so tired.
i'm so tired.
can anyone report me to what's known to be best? I have an anti anemic and also diazepam which i recall hearing some folks using.
i am afraid of throwing any up, and the PPH copy i have i can't find any instructions? i had two copies and deleted one anyone know where?
i'm... shocked it's time. tried to fix my life for 3 years and it's hit the end. 3 important close people know are aware and just don't care or believe me at this point. i know they will regret it but i've been sick and i guess they've decided it's my choice and they can live with knowing i did reach out my final week to no avail.
i've suffered from a lot of trauma and personality disorder, i had a number of good years... my mid twenties to earlier thirties, last 5 have been beyond broken. abusive partner left, i'm isolated, i don't have any family that isn't toxic aside from my mom.
my will i'll wrap up tomorrow. i'm worried about my cats but think i've arranged the right people to help. namely an old friend from high school, paying her to fly in and handle everything.
people care about mental health until you exhibit poor mental health and then they take it personal. i so badly just wanted a big loving hug and it's been so long. i lost my dog last year and a cat and dealt with it entirely alone.
i really hope it's pain free and quick, i've had a lot of pain and trauma early in life and then the last 5 years... im sad im going out sad, id like to give myself a good day tomorrow but i know id be picking uo
my spirits and then scare myself out of it. it's really hard to make this happen, i have the resolve because i know i've got no one and have lost my mental capacity for hope a long time ago, and at the moment an ex has a legal case against me and his refusal to negotiate a settlement that i could handle without prolonged shame has just wrecked me. 4 months pushing for that, pleading, offering of money, stay away forever etc. I never hit him or hurt him or stalked or contacted his family or friends or anything i just had severe OCD and was petulant about a final call of 5 min which i needed so that i could move on without total shame. i couldn't control my behavior and kept emailing and texting, i know im fucked up, i lack love and have been betrayed too much by those i've trusted, those i made chosen family, and myself.
i hope there is an after life and my dog is waiting for me. i hope it's really beautiful and special and pure. i hope the people i leave behind like my dad and brothers, once they stop being angry at me, actually take in how horrible they were to me and how they really refused to do any work to make me feel safe.
being queer has made my life hard, forced me to grow up so fast too, got me involved with the wrong adults including a predator when i was young, had so much shame and isssues with faith, immigrant dad made my life hell, i was branded a black sheep but i just wanted safety and love and needed supportive adult figures. some people are so lucky in life. i have gratitude for the things j built in my life when i was doing well and capable but ultimately at the end of the day, i can't change the wiring that's just become too permanent to get relief from. i just turned 37 and it was as sad and lonely as the last few birthdays and holidays except i was just more numb to it, think because i knew i was near the end.
there will be no funeral, no viewing, and only an obituary for the sake of historical record. even as i write this i wish someone could come and save me and or even my ex to allow for a healing ending instead of one that would imply im basically a monster for badly wanting a better ending than how he chose it to end. it hurts. im so tired.
i'm so tired.
