Told my mum about my plans

[conarc]

I felt quite weird when I told my mum that I have some plans to not suffer for much longer than 2-3 years in this hell. I made it clear that I am terribly sorry but also that I am not just joking around.

She said that she can understand me somehow but would still like to convince me not to do it. The first time in 36 years she said that she loves me.
Also, she asked how I would like to do it.

Has anyone experienced some similar or completely different reaction?

 

[HouseofMortok]

I had someone ask me what my method is, they work in some charity helping people with mental health, forms, benefits etc, but they're just a friend to me outside of that, I said CO, he said where, Tent, "do you have a tent?" Not yet, but they're easy enough to buy with zero suspicion. "Why not hanging?" /facepalm

Probably fishing so he can go "I'll be hero and get him a welfare check". I mentioned him in another thread, moaning about his job that it's not fair people saying they're not going to be here, oh makes your job and life harder somehow? It's about them not you! Change your attitude or your job.

 

[Zirp]

I actually mentioned the topic to my mother recently as well, when she was asking how I have been. Although it did not go well. She said, that she couldn't handle the topic, and that was it. Even though I respect her boundaries and think it's good if one can say, when a topic is too overwhelming for them, I still feel kind of forsaken by her in that regard.

 

[ThisUnrest]

She said that she can understand me somehow but would still like to convince me not to do it. The first time in 36 years she said that she loves me.

Very sweet that she said she loves you. Maybe it's difficult for her to express emotions.
It's a hard subject for most non-suicidal people to talk about this stuff and not freak out. The fact that she said she understands you is also very compassionate.

 

[conarc]

Very sweet that she said she loves you. Maybe it's difficult for her to express emotions.
It's a hard subject for most non-suicidal people to talk about this stuff and not freak out. The fact that she said she understands you is also very compassionate.

She is a victim of the same person, my father...
Just now she told me that she has been suicidal as well at some point. But as a longterm alcoholic she obviously accepted her fate.

 

[ThisUnrest]

Im so sorry. Thats such a painful situation for all involved.

 

[CW36]

I felt quite weird when I told my mum that I have some plans to not suffer for much longer than 2-3 years in this hell. I made it clear that I am terribly sorry but also that I am not just joking around.

She said that she can understand me somehow but would still like to convince me not to do it. The first time in 36 years she said that she loves me.
Also, she asked how I would like to do it.

Has anyone experienced some similar or completely different reaction?

At first, my mum resisted the idea (understandable), but eventually came to terms with the reality. That moment was very emotional. She just wanted me to be at peace either way, but shortly after said she'd have to purposely distance herself from me in order to protect herself and my disabled brother. I totally understand her actions, and in turn she respects mine. When my time comes, which won't be long now, at least she'll know the truth of it, and it won't come as a massive shock to her and the rest of the family.

 

[conarc]

I truly like the reaction of your mum.

 

[CW36]

Oh.. and she asked me how I'd do it. I told her, but she didn't like the sound of my method. She then proceeded to suggest her own, which I in turn dismissed on account of it's absolute implausibility! We both laughed, which lightened the tone a little..

 

[conarc]

Oh.. and she asked me how I'd do it. I told her, but she didn't like the sound of my method. She then proceeded to suggest her own, which I in turn dismissed on account of it's absolute implausibility! We both laughed, which lightened the tone a little..

Wow, that was really cool... What was her suggestion?

 

[CW36]

Wow, that was really cool... What was her suggestion?

Taking 50 paracetamol!
You can tell she's not suicidal!

 

[Mayonaise]

At first, my mum resisted the idea (understandable), but eventually came to terms with the reality. That moment was very emotional. She just wanted me to be at peace either way, but shortly after said she'd have to purposely distance herself from me in order to protect herself and my disabled brother. I totally understand her actions, and in turn she respects mine. When my time comes, which won't be long now, at least she'll know the truth of it, and it won't come as a massive shock to her and the rest of the family.

This is incredible, I don't know what else to say. If she's really willing to accept it, well that must be a huge relief to you.
I obviously hope you get better and postpone - if not discard - the idea of ctb.

 

[Raindancer]

Oh.. and she asked me how I'd do it. I told her, but she didn't like the sound of my method. She then proceeded to suggest her own, which I in turn dismissed on account of it's absolute implausibility! We both laughed, which lightened the tone a little..

Wow that is really great to be able to talk like that. My mom and I spoke about it as she had tried before when she was younger, but I wasn't at the time. Interestingly my dad and I have spoken about it, but in general. Not going into specifics. My guess is he doesn't think I was serious.

 

[jbear824]

One of my friends knows and we talk about it from time to time. My partner knows I feel that way, but I don't talk to him about it because it scares him. Which of course breaks my heart. But like I have felt this way and wanted this since I was a kid. That doesn't just go away just because I have someone to love, you know.

I'm not likely to go through with while we are together because I don't want to abandon him, I love him so fucking much. We've been together 7 years now. No sign of parting ways at all. We're in this for the long haul. But if something did happen to part our ways, I would be far less apprehensive about doing it.

Despite all this though, I don't really feel like I can talk to anybody the actual people in my life about this. Which of course, makes those feelings even worse. My friends and partner are all pro-life of course, so well.

 

[Abyssal]

Since you ask I'll share my experience. I didn't tell my family, rather I was found mid attempt and had to have the conversation while I was in the hospital bed.

There was anger from my father, then shaking/silence, then anger again, and finally he has just about tried to move past it. His anger wasn't anger so much as it was him failing to cope; he took it really hard. There have been times I've been really bad since, and he will do everything he can to convince me I am loved. All things considered, it is probably a good outcome. He's just sort of traumatized by it all I believe.

My mother, while not suicidal, is seriously bipolar and has done everything in her power to help me seek services at a young age. That said, when in her manic states she'd go missing and end up in the psych ward for 6 months at a time usually. Because of that, she's made sure I'm never forced in a psych ward if there's anything she can do to stop it. She's also initiated conversations on whether or not I'm suicidal and it's been fairly easy to talk about with her. Unfortunately, we aren't around each other often and whenever I open up about it my step father has to explain how my reasons aren't good enough and how I don't know what real depression is. I hardly get any real talk with them.

Currently I'm not opening up about my plans. Not only is it hard to talk about in general, but I also understand that nothing my parents could say would be able to make a difference. I love them, but they gave me some awfully shitty genetics and most other people in my life haven't been so great.

 

[Mayonaise]

I felt quite weird when I told my mum that I have some plans to not suffer for much longer than 2-3 years in this hell. I made it clear that I am terribly sorry but also that I am not just joking around.

She said that she can understand me somehow but would still like to convince me not to do it. The first time in 36 years she said that she loves me.
Also, she asked how I would like to do it.

Has anyone experienced some similar or completely different reaction?

I can totally relate, I told my mother something similar, too. Only it was not the first time we discussed the subject.
That particular time she said she was sorry and somehow tried to express her understanding, but I don't think she believed I was serious.
Being suicidal is typical when someone is seriously depressed so I guess she just thought "you're saying this because you're depressed".
The other times I brought up the subject I had mixed reactions, but in the end you can't expect your mother to accept your untimely demise.
I don't know your story but I think you probably did a good thing by reaching out for her. You've been honest and I think she appreciated that, despite the subject being taboo for most people.
Sending hugs to you

 

[lostinmythoughts]

I felt quite weird when I told my mum that I have some plans to not suffer for much longer than 2-3 years in this hell. I made it clear that I am terribly sorry but also that I am not just joking around.

She said that she can understand me somehow but would still like to convince me not to do it. The first time in 36 years she said that she loves me.
Also, she asked how I would like to do it.

Has anyone experienced some similar or completely different reaction?

Wow! Sounds like a cold mum

 

[Tutti]

I can totally relate, I told my mother something similar, too. Only it was not the first time we discussed the subject.
That particular time she said she was sorry and somehow tried to express her understanding, but I don't think she believed I was serious.
Being suicidal is typical when someone is seriously depressed so I guess she just thought "you're saying this because you're depressed".
The other times I brought up the subject I had mixed reactions, but in the end you can't expect your mother to accept your untimely demise.
I don't know your story but I think you probably did a good thing by reaching out for her. You've been honest and I think she appreciated that, despite the subject being taboo for most people.
Sending hugs to you

The very same going on bw my mom and me, h.s.p. I can understand her. I can understand myself even more, though. Then get into this endless spiral. Thank you OP conarc for starting this specific topic, I will bookmark this

 

[reallysleepy]

I've talk about it with my mom a couple of times. The first time I was 15 and she found something I wrote on the computer about me wanting to die. Her approach was to tell me that I shouldn't ctb because it would make her really sad.
The second time was a couple of months ago because I tried to ctb and she found me so we talked about it. I've been pretending I don't really want to ctb anymore but I did tell her I'm eventually going to do it and that I'm never going to be ok, she remained silent. I think she doesn't really believe me.

 

[Soc]

I was once asked a month or so ago if I planned to CTB, I just said no and my Mum said it would break her. I owe her an explanation but I think that my family and others would do everything to stop me. Very pro life. I was taught as a child that suicide is the only sin you can't be forgiven for. I'd rather just take my chances. There have been a few in my family or friends who have CTB. I'm kinda accepting it as a fate that at least I can control now.

 

[SSamGarrison]

My mother panicked. Was very worried and demanded that I get professional help. She was well meaning, and I know it was out of concern for my well being, but I was angered. I understand why people react this way but I wish they would take a moment before responding harshly, as that only makes me feel alienated.

 

[Mayonaise]

My mother panicked. Was very worried and demanded that I get professional help. She was well meaning, and I know it was out of concern for my well being, but I was angered. I understand why people react this way but I wish they would take a moment before responding harshly, as that only makes me feel alienated.

You see, there will always be a "barrier" between your reasons for going and others who obviously want you to stay.
She was right in demanding that you get help, most issues are treatable, I absolutely encourage you in doing so.
I also understand that you felt "alienated" but, with due respect, you always have to put yourself in someone else's shoes, in this case your mother's.
I assume she reacted this way because she loves you and it must be very hard for her to deal with the situation.

I've talk about it with my mom a couple of times. The first time I was 15 and she found something I wrote on the computer about me wanting to die. Her approach was to tell me that I shouldn't ctb because it would make her really sad.
The second time was a couple of months ago because I tried to ctb and she found me so we talked about it. I've been pretending I don't really want to ctb anymore but I did tell her I'm eventually going to do it and that I'm never going to be ok, she remained silent. I think she doesn't really believe me.

I understand your situation, too. I respect your privacy and won't ask you for details, but I believe that if anyone really decides to go, he should at least try to leave in peace.
That means caring for the loved ones until the very last day. Of course you're not going to tell your parents when and how you're leaving, but making them feel your love is a must if you have a good relationship. Try not to stop communicating, be kind, because they're the ones who will bear the consequences.

 

[Ah.ow]

Since you ask I'll share my experience. I didn't tell my family, rather I was found mid attempt and had to have the conversation while I was in the hospital bed.

There was anger from my father, then shaking/silence, then anger again, and finally he has just about tried to move past it. His anger wasn't anger so much as it was him failing to cope; he took it really hard. There have been times I've been really bad since, and he will do everything he can to convince me I am loved. All things considered, it is probably a good outcome. He's just sort of traumatized by it all I believe.

My mother, while not suicidal, is seriously bipolar and has done everything in her power to help me seek services at a young age. That said, when in her manic states she'd go missing and end up in the psych ward for 6 months at a time usually. Because of that, she's made sure I'm never forced in a psych ward if there's anything she can do to stop it. She's also initiated conversations on whether or not I'm suicidal and it's been fairly easy to talk about with her. Unfortunately, we aren't around each other often and whenever I open up about it my step father has to explain how my reasons aren't good enough and how I don't know what real depression is. I hardly get any real talk with them.

Currently I'm not opening up about my plans. Not only is it hard to talk about in general, but I also understand that nothing my parents could say would be able to make a difference. I love them, but they gave me some awfully shitty genetics and most other people in my life haven't been so great.

can I ask how she helps psychward avoidance? that sounds like an ideal role for me, though it also seemed like rare people who understand things in general are good at this too?

 

[Abyssal]

can I ask how she helps psychward avoidance? that sounds like an ideal role for me, though it also seemed like rare people who understand things in general are good at this too?

I guess when it comes to parents I got lucky kinda. They gave me a full range of mental illnesses, especially on my mom's side, but as a result they have an idea what I am talking about. To say my mom is bipolar is an understatement I suppose, both her and my father have an understanding that she hears angels apparently and it tells her what to do. To me it doesn't sound like bipolar, but I won't question what the psychiatrists say.

There were a few instances in my life where she was inpatient by force. Once when I was born she was forced to because she was neglecting me, again when I was 8 and she went missing, and the last one was a blur. Despite this, when she hasn't been locked up she was there for me constantly. If it weren't for her angels she'd be a perfect mother and my father and I are able to recognize that.

Perhaps this wasn't the answer you are looking for, but this is the best I've got aside from saying "well everyone who goes into the psych ward is human and getting locked up is bad" because it just seems kinda obvious.