Told my mom to let me go

[Elri]

we were having a conversation and all the time i couldn't hear anything of her words cause i was thinking about my miserable self i couldn't hold it and cried begged her to stop acting like I'm gonna be here for a long time , i made a promise to her to not do anything to myself in next 5 months now it's around 4 mnths left. she know my reasons and since they're so obvious and life sucking. She's seeing me struggle to do smallest things, isolation etc. and non of my problems can be solved with money so I'm hopeless and suicidal openly. My sister is done with my shit which is a relief but my beautiful mom has to go through this just because she gave birth to my memtally ill ass. She keeps saying she can't do this without me and i said no you have my sister and a future unlike me . Even once she said if i kill myself she will kill herself too and since i am a bad person peace of shit i told her well fuck, we'll be ghost family then.(my dad died also by suicide when i was little). I'm really sorry i love her but i am going crazy I can't handle the depression and anxiety that my circumstances are giving me everyday anymore. The pain of that is swallowing me and even her love can't save me anymore sadly i just hope to die this time and they move on for my peace. I write these cause i know after my death she will see this and feel not guilty or anything cause she's done everything for me

 

[dyingalone123]

You're sweet. I want to go to, I'm in pain and I am so unmotivated

 

[Darkover]

i hate my mother the most she let me down my whole life she is a piece of shit vile scum a waste of space, she even date a heroin addict for number of years while we was kids, not to mention she is bat shit crazy.

 

[SadJessu]

I feel the same way. I don't want to put the pain of dying on other people, especially my parents, who will blame themselves.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like a painful situation to be in. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. I wish you the best, I hope you find peace.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

Even once she said if i kill myself she will kill herself too and since i am a bad person peace of shit i told her well fuck, we'll be ghost family then.(my dad died also by suicide when i was little). I'm really sorry i love her but i am going crazy I can't handle the depression and anxiety that my circumstances are giving me everyday anymore.

That is so fucked up for her to say that. I think at the end of the day you have to make the decision for yourself.

 

[greencondo]

That is so fucked up for her to say that. I think at the end of the day you have to make the decision for yourself.

It sucks but it might of been the only way for her to express the loss she would feel. She is probably scared out of her mind to hear that from her kid. She lost the father of her child (possibly spouse) to suicide and now her child ? if she is the caring mother that she is said to be here, she be nuts not to be effected deeply to her soul and its very believable that she might want to give up. We might not like it but some of us will leave people behind who will struggle and bare the weight Its all apart of the choices.

I myself am pro choice but I can see how many situations would be heartbreaking for some.

mental angish is real pain. If you are reading this, I am sorry you are suffering right now.

 

[Teardrop2021]

I begged my mom to let me go today too. I told her I needed her to help me end it, or at least not prevent me.