Earlier this month I told someone who I thought was a close friend that I wanted to CTB. This is someone who I met at community college last year and has come to me a lot to vent and seek validation; nearly every day. Even though she stopped talking to me as much when she got a boyfriend, I have always given them an ear to listen to and consoled them through their troubles, so I thought they would be there for me. I truly thought they were my friend. Well, i was really struggling and I told them I was feeling like CTB and she responded with the equivalent of "damn, that's crazy" and then ghosted me. We planned on taking a class together this summer, and when I arrived to the first class she wouldn't even look at me and sat as far away from me as possible. I dropped the class and haven't heard from them or anyone in our common friend group since; likely because she told them all that I'm crazy. I can't even begin to describe how hurt I have felt. I'm alone, again. I have been completely obsessed with CTB but I'm too much of a pussy to use the methods available to me right now.
I'm sorry what you have to go through. You'll only know the true friends when you reach out to them in a personal crisis seeking help and when they stay with you in that harsh time and this happens rarely. When it comes to CTB even true best friends might not understand this crucial topic unfortunately. I hope you can find peace. You are not alone!
You're not a pussy when you hesitate with your CTB plans. It's such a difficult task to overcome SI. I hope you can find the strength you will need when the time has come and in the meantime stay with us here.
You're not a pussy when you hesitate with your CTB plans. It's such a difficult task to overcome SI. I hope you can find the strength you will need when the time has come and in the meantime stay with us here.
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EternalShore
Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
- Jun 9, 2023
- 977
Wow... So much for that~ I hate people lots :(((
and yeahhh, people are so selfish and evil! They want to vent to you, not hear a single one of your problems or care about you in the slightest! :p
and yeahhh, people are so selfish and evil! They want to vent to you, not hear a single one of your problems or care about you in the slightest! :p
MrDarkness
Left sasu, to improve my life
- Jun 18, 2023
- 1,066
I'm sorry your going through, I've been there so many times, I hope your life gets better, if you need to talk my dms are always open
hopeless302
Student
- Sep 11, 2022
- 110
sorry that happened to you. That's why I keep these feelings to myself. Not saying that's the best thing to do but... I'd rather avoid the embarrassment.
Yes, why must it be this way? I don't think friendships should be transactional per-se; things shouldn't be done for friends with the intention of receiving something in return, but out of the love in your heart for that friend. But it seems like many people will take advantage of those who genuinely have this mindset without a second thought or an ounce of empathy. It makes me wonder if I'm a bad person but I really don't know what I did wrong :(
ge0rge
the satanic mechanic
- Jul 29, 2018
- 655
big mood. this has happened to me as well so many times. i really feel for you 
Mäximum
All the effort for nothing...
- Apr 5, 2023
- 167
I told a friend of mine that I want to CTB as well. They are slowly leaving me now. I regret is so, so much. Never vent to friends.
I appreciate your empathy. Although I don't wish this pain on my worst enemy, it does feel better to know I am not alone in this feeling. It breaks my heart that so many people here are some of the kindest people around, yet dealing with such intense pain and emptiness.
The anhedonic one
Dead inside
- May 20, 2023
- 1,070
The vast majority of people in this fucked-up world are fair-weather friends. They are stupid and selfish and will only want to be around you if they can get something from you. They are completely untrustworthy, unpredictable and cruel. Most relationships are one-sided anyway.
You are better off without this treacherous person in your life.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You didn't deserve to be treated like that.
You are better off without this treacherous person in your life.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. You didn't deserve to be treated like that.
You didn't do anything wrong- no. I guess suicide is just so abhorrent for some people. It's presumptious of me to try and annalyse your friend but if they have struggled in life also- it's a possibility that they have considered it. I don't know- some people are frightened by having suicidal thoughts- I imagine because another part of them wants to live. I think for some people- it's a rabbit hole they don't want to go down. I had a friend who didn't ghost me asuch. I didn't tell them outright but I came close but they just shut it down- 'I don't consider that shit' type of thing.
I do feel so bad for you. I think it was a reasonable assumption- given how much you have been there for them- that they would do the same and that they would understand. Sadly, people can be so unpredictable. They sound pretty horrible if they have spread rumours to other people though.
Like @Praestat_Mori said though- it's not quite the same as real life but- you can vent here and no one will have a problem. It's sad to say but I think that so many people turn out to be 'fair weather friends' despite how much you have given to the relationship. Maybe it's best to save the REALLY dark stuff for a place like this. I'm sorry you experienced this.
People who have never experienced these feelings can never really understand them, that's the sad truth.
One can still hope to get a better response than you got from your friend though !
One can still hope to get a better response than you got from your friend though !
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 38,894
I personally just don't think it's a good idea opening up about wanting to die in the first place as either people will be dismissive and insensitive or it would just lead to them trying to interfere in any suicide plan. I think that barely any people are accepting and understanding of the fact that suicide is a valid option unfortunately. But it's true that you cannot trust and rely on other people, it's just the reality that other people very often just create more suffering and lack compassion.
EternalShore
Hardworking Lass who Dreams of Love~ 💕✨
- Jun 9, 2023
- 977
You did nothing wrong! >_< You were helping her a lot! She just refused to help you back because she's mean! :/
enough of this
Specialist
- Jun 4, 2023
- 378
Doesn't sounds like a true friend.
Yeah I'm probably never going to mention it to anyone in real life again. People here seem alot more compassionate since we are all having these same horrible feelings. She actually did imply one time that she had thoughts of it in the past. This is kind of why I thought she would be compassionate and be there for me since she knew what it was like to want nothing more than to just be dead. Thank you for your kindness.
JJMaynard97
JJ’s Dead Inside, Time to Say Bye Bye!!
- Mar 17, 2023
- 100
I'm so so sorry to hear that, that's happened to me too. I feel like I have to suffer in silence. It's painful, does anyone think that when they confide in someone they assume your being a attention seeker? It's just not fair.
I'm sorry that has happened to you. They simply dont understand like we do. What they did was pretty shitty, you needed someone to talk to and they weren't they for you like you were there for them.
*hugs*
*hugs*
enough of this
Specialist
- Jun 4, 2023
- 378
I've found this to be true, as well. I've listened to people for hours on end, yet when I have a problem I need to express, they don't want to hear anything about it. By the way, if you have something you'd care to share, I'm here to listen. ♥
Stormy Raine
Quietly counting down the days, hours, minutes..
- Apr 7, 2023
- 372
I'm sorry you're feeling this way, so I'm going to send you so many virtual hugs and kisses to try and help you smile. I think some people are obviously uncomfortable with conversations like CTB. I'd expect to be open to people I call me friends that I'm not ok and feel comfortable they will be there, unfortunately as in my case it backfired. You aren't crazy and they were never your friends anyway if they would leave that easily!
lament.
the Immortal
- Jun 28, 2023
- 174
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I feel like it hurts the most when it's from people you trusted. I would have probably CTB on the spot of that happened to me so good on you for at least wanting to go out on your own terms in a more peaceful way or whatever, it's not being a pussy it's just deciding when the right time is and how you do it for you, there's no shame in that and there's no shame in if you decide not to CTB in the end. 
exiled
i gave so many signs
- Jun 17, 2023
- 296
I am so very heartbroken to read this. Sorry that you encountered such a cruel soul. That is no friend at all, and sounds like all she ever did was take advantage of your listening ear and friendship. She could not reciprocate it. I know some people don't know how to handle or respond to a friend being suicidal, but the way she handled this was far from appropriate. I hope you know that just because an awful group of friends decided to ghost you, that it doesn't mean there won't be others alongside you on your journey. We are all here for you. People can be so mean.
I've lost friends (a best friend of 7 years included) because they could not handle my suicidal thoughts & panic attacks. I always wondered what was wrong with me, but I figured... if I was too much for them, they could go find less.
I've lost friends (a best friend of 7 years included) because they could not handle my suicidal thoughts & panic attacks. I always wondered what was wrong with me, but I figured... if I was too much for them, they could go find less.
i'm very sorry you had to experience this. often times people struggle to deal with heavy emotional things, and don't know how to react when told something like that. it's entirely possible they don't want to think about their own mortality, their own struggles, their own responsibilities. all you can do is be yourself and express your true self. easier said than done though, i'm excellent at giving advice and then not actually following it lol
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