Today’s the day (my plan)

[PinkKitty]

It's jhere and I plan to ctb in a few hours. Was going to wait I graduated, this is my last semester, but at the rate I'm going I'll fail all my classes and have to take another semester anyways. So, I decided fuck waiting, I'm going to finally do it.

I'm using SN. I ordered it back in August for about $30 off the jungle and just tested it a few minutes ago so it's all good. Testing was a little difficult since I got rid of most of my sharp blades a while back when I stopped cutting. This might be tmi but I ended up having to pull out my tampon and sprinkled the SN on that to test it since my knives were all too dull to draw blood. But it worked so all's good.

I last ate at 3am so I plan to take the SN at 3pm. The only antiemetic I have is Ondansetron, which I know isn't the ideal one, but it's all I have and I'm don't want to wait longer to try and get a different one. I plan on taking 12mg of the ondansetron at 2:30. I scheduled an email to be sent to the sheriffs department at 5pm, hopefully that will give me enough time to pass on. I do want my body to be found relatively quickly. I don't want to sit around rotting for several days. I plan to do it in my car at the parking lot of the local library. I know it increases my risk of being 'saved' slightly but again I do want to be found sooner rather than later.

I only have a couple of things left to do. When the banks open up, I will cash my last two paychecks and withdraw all of my savings. I'm going to leave this money with my note for my mom. Just in case the bank gives my mom any trouble. It's not a ton only about $6,500 but it should help my mom out a bit, allow her to take some time off work without worrying about having to pay the bills.

Then, I just need to write out my letter, I'm only writing one, and schedule a few more emails to my professors and my boss.

My only real regret is that my cat won't know what happened to me. I got her 5 years ago when I was 17 and she's been with me through a lot. However, I know my family will take good care of her.

that's about it, if anyone has any suggestions about things I should change or questions about the way I'm doing things, I'm happy to answer them.

 

[lostmyhope86]

3 pm in parking library? seems risky

 

[TempoReady]

2 hours doesn't seem like enough time especially without meto, you'll probably just end up in the psych ward once someone discovers you in the parking lot or when the sheriff gets the email. Reading some of the other experiences, SN is not 100% especially without the right anti emetics. I'd give it a day before the email since if it doesn't work, you could try sleeping it off.

 

[PinkKitty]

3 pm in parking library? seems risky

The parking lot is very big, there's a back corner that no one ever parks in so I'll park there. I used to skip school and chill there all the time in Highschool.

2 hours doesn't seem like enough time especially without meto, you'll probably just end up in the psych ward once someone discovers you in the parking lot or when the sheriff gets the email. Reading some of the other experiences, SN is not 100% especially without the right anti emetics. I'd give it a day before the email since if it doesn't work, you could try sleeping it off.

That's a good point, I'll change the schedule time to a day after.

 

[logan]

I hope you will reconsider the whole thing.

We are here in any case.

 

[forgotten15]

I hope you find peace and if you decide to go through with this i hope everything goes according to plan.

 

[Losteverythingtwice]

Email time is too short, coupled with the fact that you want to do it in a parking lot. Pretty much tells me you want to be 'saved' not ctb.

Are you sure you want to do this? Your statement lacks conviction.

 

[PinkKitty]

Email time is too short, coupled with the fact that you want to do it in a parking lot. Pretty much tells me you want to be 'saved' not ctb.

Are you sure you want to do this? Your statement lacks conviction.

I changed the email time to be a day later already bc I realized it was too short. Parking lot is the best place I could think of, didn't want to do it at home since I don't live alone and I don't want to spend money on a hotel bc I want to give as much as I can to my family. The parking lot is very big and I plan to park in the back where most people don't park.

I'm positive I want to do it, I've thought about it for a long time and am ready to go.

 

[xrafinha]

I'm sorry you are in pain.

If you don't mind sharing, considering you are so young, what reasons led you to wanting to end your life?

Anyway, I wish you the best.

 

[grungeCat]

Good luck and safe travels. Although doing it in a parking lot is quite risky. What if someone who knows you recognizes your car and check out what is happening with you?

 

[ItsTimeToExit]

I only have a couple of things left to do. When the banks open up, I will cash my last two paychecks and withdraw all of my savings. I'm going to leave this money with my note for my mom. Just in case the bank gives my mom any trouble. It's not a ton only about $6,500 but it should help my mom out a bit, allow her to take some time off work without worrying about having to pay the bills.

Where are you planning on leaving the note and money? I hope not with you in the car.

I doubt you have a will but even so the banks won't give trouble once the legalities of your passing have been taken care of.

 

[PinkKitty]

Where are you planning on leaving the note and money? I hope not with you in the car.

I doubt you have a will but even so the banks won't give trouble once the legalities of your passing have been taken care of.

No, I'm leaving my note and the money at my desk at home. I live at home, so I'm not worried about it getting stolen. I have a solid excuse for being gone for the next 24 hours so no one is going to go into my room. After that, they might come in, but by then I'll have passed.
You're right, the bank probably wouldn't give my family much trouble but I don't want to risk it. Plus, closing my savings helped with my process. Made it feel more final. The majority of the money isn't cash, it's a cashiers check made out to my mom. So, there's no backing out now unless I explain everything to my family which would undoubtedly get my put in a psych ward. Which I'm not doing again.

Good luck and safe travels. Although doing it in a parking lot is quite risky. What if someone who knows you recognizes your car and check out what is happening with you?

All of my friends live in different cities so there's no chance of them recognizing my car. The only people who would recognize my car are my family, and I'm almost 100% sure that none of them are going to go to the library tonight since they've never gone to it before. The spot I plan on parking in is fairly secluded, you can't see it from the road. I've spent hours sitting in this parking lot before and no one has ever come up to me before so I think I'll be safe.