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ClockWorks

ClockWorks

Wish I Could Just Enjoy the Silence
Apr 15, 2023
23
To be honest, I tried to quickly go through any preperations because I knew I wouldn't have the guts to attempt It otherwise. Now I'm just waiting for the right time.

I have my partial hanging set up, I've never went long enough to pass out because I was afraid I couldn't bail. But I felt my face begin to ache and my vision distort. Is there any specific signs I should be looking out for to know if I'm putting pressure on my arteries or just my jugular?

Anyways, it's either going to be it or one of my first attempts.

To any one planning to CTB, I hope you find your peace, To anyone in recovery, I wish you best of luck. Having said that, I'll see you guys around.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She wished that she never existed...
Sep 24, 2020
35,093
I hope you find true peace from this existence as well, I wish you the best of luck with your plans.
 
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ClockWorks

ClockWorks

Wish I Could Just Enjoy the Silence
Apr 15, 2023
23
I've finished up my last minute research and I'm about to head off to try enjoying my last few hours, I'll likely update this thread right before I CTB.
 
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DeathSleep

DeathSleep

Unstable Potato
May 25, 2023
158
Good luck. I hope you find peace.
 
doggyrot

doggyrot

world is a really scary place
Sep 17, 2023
6
i'm really sorry you've been lead to this point:( please make sure this is what you really want, Lord have mercy on you friend
 
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Minsu

Minsu

Suicidal korean girl 🇰🇷🏳️‍🌈
Jan 17, 2023
385
Hope you find peace and everything goes smoothly 🤗
 
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ClockWorks

ClockWorks

Wish I Could Just Enjoy the Silence
Apr 15, 2023
23
i'm really sorry you've been lead to this point:( please make sure this is what you really want, Lord have mercy on you friend
Unfortunately, I've ran out of many options. Perhaps, my suicide may send a message to my shitty government, I would have then died a martyr.

Regardless, God bless you and keep you, friend. ❤️
 
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doggyrot

doggyrot

world is a really scary place
Sep 17, 2023
6
Unfortunately, I've ran out of many options. Perhaps, my suicide may send a message to my shitty government, I would have then died a martyr.

Regardless, God bless you and keep you, friend. ❤️
I really wish the world wasn't so horrible and hard to live in. are you going to leave anything for your family and friends?
 
ClockWorks

ClockWorks

Wish I Could Just Enjoy the Silence
Apr 15, 2023
23
I'm taking 10mg of Melatonin to loosen myself up a bit about 30 minutes to 1 hour prior. Never experienced SI so this will be a learning experience.

The current plan is partial suspension on a doorknob, where I'm pretty low to the ground and propped on my elbows and knees. Once my elbows give out, the process begins.

I padded my floor and made sure the rope was tight enough on the door not to budge. My only worry is that my convultions may cause the door to shift it's place and cause some noise so I might have to try silencing it with paper.
I really wish the world wasn't so horrible and hard to live in. are you going to leave anything for your family and friends?
To be honest, I'm really not sure what to leave. I only really have distant friends, my connection with my parents has gone down the drain long ago. It's really only my cousin I care about. I've left her a short message to be sent 12 hours from now, I just hope she will forgive me.
Jambing the door with paper worked! I don't have to worry about anyone hearing me or barging in! I'm still giving myself some time left to finalize the set up.
 
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doggyrot

doggyrot

world is a really scary place
Sep 17, 2023
6
I'm taking 10mg of Melatonin to loosen myself up a bit about 30 minutes to 1 hour prior. Never experienced SI so this will be a learning experience.

The current plan is partial suspension on a doorknob, where I'm pretty low to the ground and propped on my elbows and knees. Once my elbows give out, the process begins.

I padded my floor and made sure the rope was tight enough on the door not to budge. My only worry is that my convultions may cause the door to shift it's place and cause some noise so I might have to try silencing it with paper.

To be honest, I'm really not sure what to leave. I only really have distant friends, my connection with my parents has gone down the drain long ago. It's really only my cousin I care about. I've left her a short message to be sent 12 hours from now, I just hope she will forgive me
i pray God will be kind to you
 
ClockWorks

ClockWorks

Wish I Could Just Enjoy the Silence
Apr 15, 2023
23
i pray God will be kind to you
In my last moments, I hope to do the same for your own welfare no matter what fate has for you.

Mods, Admins, whoever. Please delete my account should I remain inactive by next week.

It's currently 3:25am on Tuesday Morning here, before 4am hits, I would begin suspension. Thank you for making my last moments way more pleasant than being within my own thoughts.

This is my goodbye, remember me, if you could. For I once lived.
 
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G

Gonnerr

Enlightened
Mar 12, 2023
1,324
Good luck, i hope you escape peacefully.
 
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ClockWorks

ClockWorks

Wish I Could Just Enjoy the Silence
Apr 15, 2023
23
This first attempt ended in failure.

The rope held on very well but when my anchor point is so low to the floor, trying to find a proper position become so utterly exhausting.

In the three attempts at fixing it, I only managed to partially compress of arteries on one occasion while the other two attempts had me slowly compressing my juglar. It was never enough to make me extremely light headed.

Each time ended with me dazed, neck aching, legs about to give out, and arms too tired to move. After the third failure, I suddenly grew so bitter and disinterested on attempting again.

In terms of the feeling of the hanging, it wasn't particularly painful but only mildly uncomfortable at the beginning when you are not used to the pressure at your neck. The more you get used to it, the only thing that become a real discomfort are your thoughts on your impending death. I'd say the feeling of the rope releasing and oxygen getting back into your brain is both psychologically and physically worse than the actual hanging.

I'm packing up for today and taking a rest. I'll need to spend some more time practicing the rope positioning. And hopefully figuring out why the universe is so keen on making my life hell yet too fond to just let me go.
 
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Cloud Busting

Cloud Busting

Formerly pinkribbonscars
Sep 9, 2023
385
This first attempt ended in failure.

The rope held on very well but when my anchor point is so low to the floor, trying to find a proper position become so utterly exhausting.

In the three attempts at fixing it, I only managed to partially compress of arteries on one occasion while the other two attempts had me slowly compressing my juglar. It was never enough to make me extremely light headed.

Each time ended with me dazed, neck aching, legs about to give out, and arms too tired to move. After the third failure, I suddenly grew so bitter and disinterested on attempting again.

In terms of the feeling of the hanging, it wasn't particularly painful but only mildly uncomfortable at the beginning when you are not used to the pressure at your neck. The more you get used to it, the only thing that become a real discomfort are your thoughts on your impending death. I'd say the feeling of the rope releasing and oxygen getting back into your brain is both psychologically and physically worse than the actual hanging.

I'm packing up for today and taking a rest. I'll need to spend some more time practicing the rope positioning. And hopefully figuring out why the universe is so keen on making my life hell yet too fond to just let me go.
It's harder to kill yourself than people think.

Partial is tricky and I don't know how Robin Williams and Kate Spade did it. I do not have the guts.

I failed full hanging in public and decided to go to er to make sure I didn't cause any brain damage than try again as I was worried I'd get discovered. Failing a highly lethal method was very embarrassing.

Failing is so hard. I'm choosing recovery but everyone is here for you regardless of what you chose.
 
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ClockWorks

ClockWorks

Wish I Could Just Enjoy the Silence
Apr 15, 2023
23
Failing is so hard. I'm choosing recovery but everyone is here for you regardless of what you chose.

I just read through your previous thread, I'm really glad to hear you're okay, and I wish you best of luck in your recovery!

I'm feeling much better physically, but I'll likely practicing again tonight to see if it can actually be done. Until then, I'll see what life has planned for me today.
 
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ClockWorks

ClockWorks

Wish I Could Just Enjoy the Silence
Apr 15, 2023
23
Update to this thread.
My cousin called me up to check on how things are doing in my household. I'm deciding to give my countries law system one last chance and am postponing my CTB indefinitely. I'm not out of the woods yet though.

I'll still be around here though to have a chat!

I have to thank this site for helping me cope with my situation, you all have my gratitude for your kindness and support.

Until next time!
 
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ikadasui

ikadasui

Arcanist
May 29, 2018
466
Update to this thread.
My cousin called me up to check on how things are doing in my household. I'm deciding to give my countries law system one last chance and am postponing my CTB indefinitely. I'm not out of the woods yet though.

I'll still be around here though to have a chat!

I have to thank this site for helping me cope with my situation, you all have my gratitude for your kindness and support.

Until next time!
Walk in the light of the crystal!
 
Yakamoz

Yakamoz

passer-by
Jun 26, 2022
293
To be honest, I tried to quickly go through any preperations because I knew I wouldn't have the guts to attempt It otherwise. Now I'm just waiting for the right time.

I have my partial hanging set up, I've never went long enough to pass out because I was afraid I couldn't bail. But I felt my face begin to ache and my vision distort. Is there any specific signs I should be looking out for to know if I'm putting pressure on my arteries or just my jugular?

Anyways, it's either going to be it or one of my first attempts.

To any one planning to CTB, I hope you find your peace, To anyone in recovery, I wish you best of luck. Having said that, I'll see you guys around.
I am glad you are still with us!
 

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