It is 3 am in India, where I am. Here is how my day has been so far.
I got two slices of cake, and a huge box of cheese popcorn. The chocolate slice was excellent. Really enjoyed it. The other, pistachio, was mediocre. The popcorn was okay- there is a lot of it for the price though. I then found some soda in the fridge.
Also ended up spending a lot of money on a shared ride home yesterday. Could have bought two more pieces of cake with the money, if I had taken the free bus instead. But the bus was very crowded, I did have a nice time in the auto; it is rare I go out, and even rarer I spend money on autos. I listened to music. And I saw a cute cat. I will count this ride as part of my celebration.
I will now go to sleep. I hope the dress I had ordered will get here today. I will wake up, eat the remaining popcorn, have some tea, watch a few movies.
I find it odd to do all these things, when every bit of me longs for death. But I guess I will have fun for the little while I have given myself.
My writing is become more and more stilted; the rhythm, if there still is something like that, is all wonky. But I am too tired to articulate myself better. I don't want to couch my feelings in language anymore. I will tell it as is. I guess I could call my style of speech plaintive. (Random observation. I guess)
Any and all wishes are appreciated. Please think of me as you go about your day. I would love it if you did something special/something you have wanted to do for a while, on my behalf. Could be anything, really- go on a walk, eat something nice, watch a movie. Please live for me today?
I love you all.
Update 1: (I will update my thoughts as and when I process them)
My parents can technically comfortably afford the food I bought. They actually want me to buy even more. But I know I am undeserving. I don't earn any money. My family does earn good money but we are in a lot of debt.
I feel sad about that. I wish I could earn something. I wish I could buy myself more cake, and them nice things.
I worry a lot about our finances. I don't know how anything will work out with our debt. Now off to sleep. That is all I can do. Happy birthday to me.
I got two slices of cake, and a huge box of cheese popcorn. The chocolate slice was excellent. Really enjoyed it. The other, pistachio, was mediocre. The popcorn was okay- there is a lot of it for the price though. I then found some soda in the fridge.
Also ended up spending a lot of money on a shared ride home yesterday. Could have bought two more pieces of cake with the money, if I had taken the free bus instead. But the bus was very crowded, I did have a nice time in the auto; it is rare I go out, and even rarer I spend money on autos. I listened to music. And I saw a cute cat. I will count this ride as part of my celebration.
I will now go to sleep. I hope the dress I had ordered will get here today. I will wake up, eat the remaining popcorn, have some tea, watch a few movies.
I find it odd to do all these things, when every bit of me longs for death. But I guess I will have fun for the little while I have given myself.
My writing is become more and more stilted; the rhythm, if there still is something like that, is all wonky. But I am too tired to articulate myself better. I don't want to couch my feelings in language anymore. I will tell it as is. I guess I could call my style of speech plaintive. (Random observation. I guess)
Any and all wishes are appreciated. Please think of me as you go about your day. I would love it if you did something special/something you have wanted to do for a while, on my behalf. Could be anything, really- go on a walk, eat something nice, watch a movie. Please live for me today?
I love you all.
Update 1: (I will update my thoughts as and when I process them)
My parents can technically comfortably afford the food I bought. They actually want me to buy even more. But I know I am undeserving. I don't earn any money. My family does earn good money but we are in a lot of debt.
I feel sad about that. I wish I could earn something. I wish I could buy myself more cake, and them nice things.
I worry a lot about our finances. I don't know how anything will work out with our debt. Now off to sleep. That is all I can do. Happy birthday to me.
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Happy birthday! 
hope the rest of your day is lovely, everyone deserves to feel happy on their birthday no matter what!!♡
It's still awesome to enjoy life even if you are looking for CTB. Today is your day. I hope it makes you happy as well as your cake and popcorn that we are thinking of and caring about you
