Today my recovery begins.

[Cristiano599]

Three days ago I started psychiatric treatment and this is the last chance I'm giving myself. I'm going to take advantage of the medication, not to become dependent on it, but to help me do the things that are so difficult when I'm depressed and anxious. These are mainly eating well, exercising, refocusing on my life plans, and learning how to interact in society. All of this is difficult after a traumatic breakup and a life full of emotional difficulties (my story is in a thread posted on this forum https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/my-story-and-my-ctb-plan.215041/). Although I'm not sure it will work, I should try. In any case, I also have a CTB planned in two months, so I have nothing to lose. The medication should be what gives me strength, but it's up to me to take advantage of it and not end up worse and addicted to it. I will document my entire process in this thread. It can be daily or weekly, both the bad days (I hope they are few) and the good days. Wish me luck, as we all know here our problem is not that we want to die, the problem is that we don't want to live in pain.

As for the medication my psychiatrist prescribed, it was:

Clonazepam. It's already showing its first effects; let's say it reduced my anxiety and the emotional burden of overthinking by 70% in the first 16 hours after taking it. From then on, the most difficult hours come until my next dose. It doesn't make you happy or take away my depression, but it helps me feel calmer. I'd say it provides temporary relief.

Fluoxetine and Bupropion Hydrochloride. I've already started taking them, but they should start taking effect after the fourth week, so I'll have to wait.

I hope to get better, I really want to live, but live without pain, I want to be happy.

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I wish you the best

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry that the world has been so cruel and for the horrible break-up that you went through~ :( Those are so tough~ >_<
I wish you the best on your recovery, and I will pray for you to get better! ^_^ I hope the world can be good to you once again, and that you can fully overcome anxiety and depression using those meds! :D

 

[Cristiano599]

good luck, I wish you the best

Thank you for your words. I hope we all improve and achieve the happiness we've been seeking for years.

I'm sorry that the world has been so cruel and for the horrible break-up that you went through~ :( Those are so tough~ >_<
I wish you the best on your recovery, and I will pray for you to get better! ^_^ I hope the world can be good to you once again, and that you can fully overcome anxiety and depression using those meds! :D

Thank you for your words, I wish the same for you.

 

[kazatte]

good luck in your recovery!! i remember seeing a few of your threads about your plans, and i am so sorry that life brought you to that point. i wish you a pleasant future :)

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Good luck! All the best!

 

[Adûnâi]

Wish you all the best! You seem to have had both downs and ups, so it seems fairly realistic!

 

[unluckysadness]

Good luck

 

[Irisse]

Good luck, I wish you success in your recovery.

 

[Lions303]

First of all I want to say sorry for the traumatic break up you went through. It seems really tough and and really proud of you for wanting to heal and grow. You have my sincerest best wishes and hope that you are blessed with a glimmer of hope you are deserving of. I pray for positive updates in the thread

 

[Cristiano599]

Well, it's been two days and I'll do an update, during these two days, clonazepam has been a small help for the anxiety, however it only lasts about 12 hours, the intrusive thoughts have been constant during these two days, I've had certain moments of hope and motivation, but they have only lasted a few minutes, most of the time I've been sad and in pain, I still have a hard time focusing on my goals and having the strength to achieve them, as we all know depression makes even getting out of bed very difficult. Now I'll talk about the positive, I downloaded the famous dating apps, and it's gone pretty well for me, right now I'm not looking for a relationship, but I would like to make friends, so on that side we're on the right track, also today I went back to the gym and I would also say that it made me feel pretty good, there's still a lot to improve, as I write this I have a bittersweet feeling because the pain is constant, and I know that those damn intrusive thoughts will come at any moment, I guess it's the clonazepam but I'm a little calm.