Today is (probably) the day

[iLikeFrogs]

I'm planning on ctb'ing today. At 6:11 pm is the train that I want to jump under. If not train then I'll jump out of the window. I'm no going to leave any note nor say any goodbyes, especially to my parents. They are abusive and my mother been being worse than ever on me. I'm so angry at life and at myself that I eve kept going this long. I'm scared that my SI might kick in but I know that my death will be painless and that I'll find my peace after it. So, I either gonna die today or (one way or another) gonna end up in psych ward, because my therapist wants to put me there already. If I'll somehow not ctb the I'll update you. Goodbye :)

Edit (sadly): I feel like a failure. When I was standing so close to the edge with the train coming my way universe decided that I can lowkey go fuck myself. Not only my parents decided to start tracking my phone in secret and told my 13yo sister to start calling me and tell me to get back home because "they are worried", but also a man on a train station started talking to me when I was right on the edge of the platform. This is only my fault for failing this time again. And now here I am, sobbing on a random bench with melted ice cream in hand. God I feel so pathetic for failing for 17th time. I plan on trying to jump today late at night but I have no idea if they're going to stop me again. Guess my mother felt bad for telling me to go cut myself because I'm so ungrateful (I just told her that I want to be respected as a person). My plan for tonight is getting drunk and jumping out of the window around 2 or 3 am if my parents will be sleeping.

 

[MusicGuy]

Wish you luck, I am also thinking of doing it tonight either by train or jumping, but I don't want to make a goodbye thread as I wouldn't knwo what to write. Also, if you're worried about SI, try getting drunk/high, that will probably help.

May you find the peace you deserve.

 

[FuneralCry]

Those who attempt the train method certainly are so courageous as this method terrifies me. I wish you the best with your plans and I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I wish you strength and I hope you find peace! Good luck & farewell!

 

[delusionalgirl]

I hope you find that peace you are looking for. Good luck

 

[jj#blm]

Hope it goes well for you and you find your peace

 

[sensenmann]

May you find peace at the end of your journey.

 

[MusicGuy]

I'm planning on ctb'ing today. At 6:11 pm is the train that I want to jump under. If not train then I'll jump out of the window. I'm no going to leave any note nor say any goodbyes, especially to my parents. They are abusive and my mother been being worse than ever on me. I'm so angry at life and at myself that I eve kept going this long. I'm scared that my SI might kick in but I know that my death will be painless and that I'll find my peace after it. So, I either gonna die today or (one way or another) gonna end up in psych ward, because my therapist wants to put me there already. If I'll somehow not ctb the I'll update you. Goodbye :)

Edit (sadly): I feel like a failure. When I was standing so close to the edge with the train coming my way universe decided that I can lowkey go fuck myself. Not only my parents decided to start tracking my phone in secret and told my 13yo sister to start calling me and tell me to get back home because "they are worried", but also a man on a train station started talking to me when I was right on the edge of the platform. This is only my fault for failing this time again. And now here I am, sobbing on a random bench with melted ice cream in hand. God I feel so pathetic for failing for 17th time. I plan on trying to jump today late at night but I have no idea if they're going to stop me again. Guess my mother felt bad for telling me to go cut myself because I'm so ungrateful (I just told her that I want to be respected as a person). My plan for tonight is getting drunk and jumping out of the window around 2 or 3 am if my parents will be sleeping.

About the edit, don't worry, you're not a failure at all, having to CTB by train method is tough and it's not made for everybody, jumping is my preferred method because it offers privacy when jumping from your own house. Wish you luck with jumping, also, remember to do it when there is no traffic, as landing on someone or some car would not only decrease your chances or success but also could end up in legal actions. Wish you luck!

 

[StaticCryBabye]

What unfortunate events you have experienced. My friend, it's okay to encounter setbacks and fail in your attempts and im truly sorry to hear you failed. But know there is always more time to try again. Please don't consider yourself a failure. Embarking on the path of seeking peace can be challenging, especially through methods like ctbing by train. Your courage in choosing such a method is truly brave. I realize it's painful to wait and resist the impulse to act immediately, but with thorough planning, you will find the peace you seek. For now, my heartfelt wish for you is to have days that are at least less painful along the way. Good luck, and please know that you are cherished. Sending you much love.

 

[theslasher]

Before you go, why not take one last trip to a country you've always wanted to visit? Tickets to central America are cheap. Why not just run away from those who've caused you pain?

 

[Gonnerr]

Good luck. I hope you escape peacefully.

 

[MrDarkness]

I'm planning on ctb'ing today. At 6:11 pm is the train that I want to jump under. If not train then I'll jump out of the window. I'm no going to leave any note nor say any goodbyes, especially to my parents. They are abusive and my mother been being worse than ever on me. I'm so angry at life and at myself that I eve kept going this long. I'm scared that my SI might kick in but I know that my death will be painless and that I'll find my peace after it. So, I either gonna die today or (one way or another) gonna end up in psych ward, because my therapist wants to put me there already. If I'll somehow not ctb the I'll update you. Goodbye :)

Edit (sadly): I feel like a failure. When I was standing so close to the edge with the train coming my way universe decided that I can lowkey go fuck myself. Not only my parents decided to start tracking my phone in secret and told my 13yo sister to start calling me and tell me to get back home because "they are worried", but also a man on a train station started talking to me when I was right on the edge of the platform. This is only my fault for failing this time again. And now here I am, sobbing on a random bench with melted ice cream in hand. God I feel so pathetic for failing for 17th time. I plan on trying to jump today late at night but I have no idea if they're going to stop me again. Guess my mother felt bad for telling me to go cut myself because I'm so ungrateful (I just told her that I want to be respected as a person). My plan for tonight is getting drunk and jumping out of the window around 2 or 3 am if my parents will be sleeping.

I'm sorry your life is like this, I hope your able to find peace

 

[angel31]

I am so sorry that life gave you so shit parents and such a shit life, it is so cruel to some of us. I hope you find a way to escape this cruel world…
sending you hugs

 

[soft-flower345]

Your mother is cruel, I can't imagine the kinds of things you've had to deal with on a daily basis growing up, or how agonizing this life must be for you.

One way or another, I hope you can come to find yourself in a better place