Today is my CTB day

[keg-ireland]

The day has come for me to CTB. I have everything in place, notes made and all financial transactions scheduled to transfer to my parents after I complete CTB.

The only thing that's pulling me away from completion is strong SI and knowing the devastation I will cause my family. But I have to end my suffering. I'm almost 50 years old, have severe treatment resistant depression, and a few other chronic illnesses that has no treatment for. Every day is a living nightmare so I feel I deserve to be at peace.

Thank you to everyone I've spoke to on here and for not judging me. If I fail (Probably due to SI/Guilt hurting family), I will update this post tomorrow.

If there is a God, please have mercy on my soul.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope you find peace. Safe travels and good luck!

May I ask, what's your method?

 

[keg-ireland]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope you find peace. Safe travels and good luck!

May I ask, what's your method?

Thank you. Method is full suspension hanging.

 

[iloverachel]

I wish you peace, and that it is painless my friend
Good luck and farewell my friend.
May you be free of suffering and pain

 

[dreamscape1111]

"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come."
~ Rabindranath Tagore

**Not encouraging anyone to do it, yet to those resolved and afraid, this might ease your fear.

"Death" is melting back into Who We Really Are, or Infinite Love/Oneness, the Eternal Screen upon which the movie of our character's life played out upon.

Know that there's no judgment with changing your mind, it's your choice.

In case you choose to pass on, I'm wishing you a smooth transition.

Happy continuation day, dear friend.

I died as a mineral and became a plant,
I died as plant and rose to animal,
I died as animal and I was Man.
Why should I fear? When was I less by dying?
~ Rumi

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you find the freedom you search for, best wishes.

 

[Dark Window]

Well, so long as you believe you're able to pull it off.

Good luck to you. I hope your suffering ends mate.

 

[Tesha]

Safe journey to your everlasting peace

 

[Roadrunner]

I hope your suffering soon ends

 

[Ruma]

Goodbye & Goodluck. May you have a swift and peaceful passing.

 

[justcallmeJ]

Have a safe journey, i hope you find peace <3

 

[Coconut blue]

im so sorry about what you've had to endure up until now. i hope you'll be in a better place wherever that is

 

[returntothevoid]

I'm sorry you've been through so much in your life. I hope everything goes smoothly and you find some peace before it ends, goodbye fellow stranger.

 

[Kurai]

Good luck and wishing you peace

 

[gorexzxz]

Good luck and have a safe journey

 

[skar]

Good luck and I hope you find your peace.

 

[keg-ireland]

1 week later and I'm still here. SI was too strong to overcome. Drinking today and night to give ne more courage but don't think that will work now as the alcohol has eased the anxiety and depression temporarily.

I wish I could just do it but SI kicks in and also I cry at the thought of mum and Dad as it will destroy them and that pains me

 

[Callie Arcale]

1 week later and I'm still here. SI was too strong to overcome. Drinking today and night to give ne more courage but don't think that will work now as the alcohol has eased the anxiety and depression temporarily.

I wish I could just do it but SI kicks in and also I cry at the thought of mum and Dad as it will destroy them and that pains me

SI is a bitch. I haven't been able to overcome it. But I'll make a new attempt next month. Still working out the details.