dollangel
Member
- Jul 23, 2025
- 21
I always want to kill myself more than ever around this time of year, and October has been a haze so far. last year I had my due date as my birthday, planned for it for months, but was begged out of it last minute by my best friend who proceeded to never really speak to me again. I'm celebrating with a cocktail of wine and sedatives 
because no one fucking cares anyway, no one has even noticed, it doesn't matter. I don't want to be awake for this stupid fucking day. I was promised before my 16th birthday that I wouldn't turn 16 in a squalor house and now I'm 23 whether I like it or not and well my post history isn't fucking looking good is it. ahahaha. fuck it. I'm so sick and tired of this. putting it all together surrounded by this hellhouse. this literal shithole. at least this won't do anything permanent to me and it's my compromise for not being ready to go through with what I know I should and need to because I'm just too fucking weak. I don't want to talk about anything. I don't want to be here. I just want it to stop.
because no one fucking cares anyway, no one has even noticed, it doesn't matter. I don't want to be awake for this stupid fucking day. I was promised before my 16th birthday that I wouldn't turn 16 in a squalor house and now I'm 23 whether I like it or not and well my post history isn't fucking looking good is it. ahahaha. fuck it. I'm so sick and tired of this. putting it all together surrounded by this hellhouse. this literal shithole. at least this won't do anything permanent to me and it's my compromise for not being ready to go through with what I know I should and need to because I'm just too fucking weak. I don't want to talk about anything. I don't want to be here. I just want it to stop.
I hope you can forget the sufffering and enjoy your birthday at least today even if it's difficult to solve everything immediately. Sending a hug
