Venting today felt different

[sweetdrowning]

i don't know what to trust anymore, but now that i've ordered the rope and my relationships are seemingly irreparable the deep depression subsides into numbness. I don't know, now, if I will do it or not. A part of me things of my parents, who adopted my sister and I, and if I die then we will have both died under the age of thirty. Sister overdosed in 2024. My parents have never been people to be very lovey-dovey or close to me. They have never been interested in the things I do or want, but I have expressed interest in my parents' hobbies. But they still don't deserve to lose two kids in a couple of years... I don't know. I wasn't feeling guilty about it, but the more I think about it, the more it hurts.
But then I think about how both my birth mom and sister are dead. And I just don't know. I might be destined to die. It's just awful.

 

[tsuinosora]

If you don't mind me asking, how do you feel about adoption, how did it affect you, do you feel part of your family even though you're adopted?

 

[sweetdrowning]

If you don't mind me asking, how do you feel about adoption, how did it affect you, do you feel part of your family even though you're adopted?

I don't feel a part of the family and haven't since I was very young. My sister was removed from my house when I was still young, and only really got to know her again through adulthood. I have siblings that are my adoptive parents biological children that are treated better, so I've always felt like an outsider. I am not interested in the same things as my adoptive family, I am just completely different from them. In appearance as well. I think adoption is good but it just doesn't work out for some people who can't get over that alienation feeling. Especially if you're in a family that has bio children and adoptive children. Always feel like parents will prefer the bio children.