To those who want to ctb by hanging

[Terrible_Life_99]

I wanted to ask did you already test your anchor point, learned the knots, tested if you can compress the carotids perfectly? If so then may I also ask what stops you from committing suicide?

For my part: I already did all these things, so in other words I'm totally ready to die but its kinda weird to be honest. I mean every new day has so many new reasons why my suicide would be the best thing i could do and all the pain I endure actually numbs the si in that moment but then when out of anger I put the noose on my neck and compress the carotids fear, anxiety, si it all starts to occupy my mind doesn't matter how extremely I suffered just minutes ago. Then theres the option with alcohol. When I drink sometimes I start to automatically think about my past and I get very sad and angry because many things could have happened differently if circumstances were others. At that point I feel that I could do the suicde by full hanging.

I really sometimes wonder what gave the final kick for people to commit suicide. Was it a dispute with family/friends? Maybe the separation from partner? Was it financial issues? Was it total loneliness on a Christmas evening while he/she knew that everyone is with their loved ones and that person is sitting alone in the darkness of his apartment watching some random stuff on tv?

I wish I knew what it is to trigger myself and finally die because I hate it here. I'm trapped at home and I am un able to have an independent fulfilling life. The more I wait the more humiliating it all will get. Now I'm 26 but in 4 years I'll be 30. I don't want to live with my parents, depending on their money, jobless, without friends , without a social life and all that because of stupid mistakes done by my family when i was a little kid . Mistakes which led to mentall illness, to loneliness, to not belonging anywhere and so forth and so on. :(

 

[Hiro Uchiha]

About hanging specifically, I feel dread about killing my self that way. It's scary, I'm not confident enough, but it's still a back up method. I failed a full suspension hanging attempt before because I was careless and I underestimated my survival insticts. Ugly experience. To date, I haven't fully recovered from the trauma. I know I can do it better at this point but in the back of my mind, something tells me no. That's why I've looked for alternatives for a very long time. Kinda sucks that my supposedly way out literally had me traumatized to some degree.

The trigger, it just comes. It's unpredictable, that's the nature of it. At least for me, I don't know how to intentionally trigger myself. The mind is so powerful. One moment it can save you with survival instincts, the next, it betrays you on impulse.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

About hanging specifically, I feel dread about killing my self that way. It's scary, I'm not confident enough, but it's still a back up method. I failed a full suspension hanging attempt before because I was careless and I underestimated my survival insticts. Ugly experience. To date, I haven't fully recovered from the trauma. I know I can do it better at this point but in the back of my mind, something tells me no. That's why I've looked for alternatives for a very long time. Kinda sucks that my supposedly way out literally had me traumatized to some degree.

The trigger, it just comes. It's unpredictable, that's the nature of it. At least for me, I don't know how to intentionally trigger myself. The mind is so powerful. One moment it can save you with survival instincts, the next, it betrays you on impulse.

First of all I'm sorry you're suffering from that attempt.
Did the knot open itself or how exactly did you fail your hanging attempt?
And how did you overcome survival instinct before your attempt? What was the main factor which led to the attempt if i may ask?

 

[Sleeper System]

People are always waiting for this perceived "right moment to die" and the truth is that it never comes. There is never really a right time. That is your subconscious way of stalling. Most suicides occur when you completely shut off your brain and just act. The more you think about it the less likely you are to do it.
The exception being people of strong will... which is very rare because those people tend to lean in the opposite direction and fight like hell to survive and thrive as opposed to dedicating there time and energy to ending their life.

You can make plan after plan and have everything set up but if you allow yourself even a moment of thought then fear sets in and your brain will fight your body which will prevent you from moving the parts that are required to get the job done.

I think people feel they are the star in their own show with a captive audience on the sidelines watching them and counting on every action they take to make sense as if it were scripted.

The only reason i'm alive is because as much as I want to end things... I have a sense of duty to some people who don't deserve for me to just throw in the towel. Every human being knows what it would take to end their life and if you remove thought from the equation, you could end yourself in a matter of seconds. Literally.

 

[Hiro Uchiha]

First of all I'm sorry you're suffering from that attempt.
Did the knot open itself or how exactly did you fail your hanging attempt?
And how did you overcome survival instinct before your attempt? What was the main factor which led to the attempt if i may ask?

Being full honest, it was terrible. Or maybe I speak of it so negatively because I did the attempt during my lowest. I used a parachord, attached on a concrete vent above the doorway of my apartment bathroom (see image). Very secure anchor. My hair was long, I grew it for 5 years, no haircut but it was on the way when I'm putting the noose around my neck so i had to cut it. I chugged down 330ml of 80 proof alcohol to get drunk because I know I'm gonna panic.

I stood on the stool, about 2 feet from the floor, put the noose around my neck and hopped off the stool. Sudden intense pressure around the neck, most notably upon the windpipe. I hang for a second or two not being able to breath. It got unbearably uncomfortable, panic sets in and in a state of pure adrenaline and survival insticts, I was able to grab onto the vent, pull my self up and free my neck from the noose. Exhausted and in pain, I laid on the bed planning to make another attempt in an hour. But I was so exhausted and drunk, slept the rest of the day and someone found me after receiving my scheduled emails.

Ligature marks are present, minor wound on hands from gripping the heck out of the rough concrete. Neck, windpipe still sore for around 5 days. Probably sprained my neck. Discomfort sometimes is felt even after few weeks. Upset that I failed an attempt and had to cut my hair short for it. Never went for check up after. Had to to go a mental institution because, now I'm still alive and even more traumatized. 3/10 experience.


Noose

Spoiler: noose

View attachment 181626

 

[Sleeper System]

I've always felt like the rope used for hanging had to be thick.
Mainly from how it's done in movies but also when being choked out by another human like in a headlock. More are is covered and squeezed as opposed the the thin paracord focused on one point and digging into your flesh. Looks painful what you attempted to do but I understand the desperation you must have felt to even attempt it.

 

[TheEmptyVoid]

People are always waiting for this perceived "right moment to die" and the truth is that it never comes. There is never really a right time. That is your subconscious way of stalling. Most suicides occur when you completely shut off your brain and just act. The more you think about it the less likely you are to do it.
The exception being people of strong will... which is very rare because those people tend to lean in the opposite direction and fight like hell to survive and thrive as opposed to dedicating there time and energy to ending their life.

You can make plan after plan and have everything set up but if you allow yourself even a moment of thought then fear sets in and your brain will fight your body which will prevent you from moving the parts that are required to get the job done.

I think people feel they are the star in their own show with a captive audience on the sidelines watching them and counting on every action they take to make sense as if it were scripted.

The only reason i'm alive is because as much as I want to end things... I have a sense of duty to some people who don't deserve for me to just throw in the towel. Every human being knows what it would take to end their life and if you remove thought from the equation, you could end yourself in a matter of seconds. Literally.

That is the reason I don't kill myself, my stupid subconscious says "do I really want to die right now" it's so hard to overcome especially since I am scared about eternal suffering in the afterlife I don't know about, if there even is an afterlife.

 

[itsgone2]

I wanted to ask did you already test your anchor point, learned the knots, tested if you can compress the carotids perfectly? If so then may I also ask what stops you from committing suicide?

Yeah great question. No idea. You see these stories of kids doing it and like?, wtf? It's sad and horrifically tragic of course but also seriously why can't I do this? It's waiting and I feel a million miles away from it. I hate this. Sort of felt ok earlier but not 100%. Now it's 0%. Again. Tired of this life.

 

[Sleeper System]

That is the reason I don't kill myself, my stupid subconscious says "do I really want to die right now" it's so hard to overcome especially since I am scared about eternal suffering in the afterlife I don't know about, if there even is an afterlife.

The whole after life thing is cluster fuck of thought. You definitely will have a hard time if you focus on that. Catholics believe that suicide is an automatic one way ticket to hell and it makes so much sense logically that it's hard to reconcile. It literally forces you to think short term suffering vs guaranteed long term suffering.

 

[TheEmptyVoid]

The whole after life thing is cluster fuck of thought. You definitely will have a hard time if you focus on that. Catholics believe that suicide is an automatic one way ticket to hell and it makes so much sense logically that it's hard to reconcile. It literally forces you to think short term suffering vs guaranteed long term suffering.

It's just so insane that people take away peaceful and lethal ways to die and not give a fuck about people's suffering.

 

[itsgone2]

Catholics believe that suicide is an automatic one way ticket to hell and it makes

It's a bit more complicated. The church recognizes mental illness and the role it plays, and grants that God may still bring salvation.

From the catechism

"Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide."

 

[Sleeper System]

Then I suppose you'll have to pray that you genuinely fit into one of those categories. Salvation not guaranteed. Still has the same effect of doubt regardless. Im sure it has prevented many from CTBing. I'm not even catholic and it kinda gives me pause.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

People are always waiting for this perceived "right moment to die" and the truth is that it never comes. There is never really a right time. That is your subconscious way of stalling. Most suicides occur when you completely shut off your brain and just act. The more you think about it the less likely you are to do it.
The exception being people of strong will... which is very rare because those people tend to lean in the opposite direction and fight like hell to survive and thrive as opposed to dedicating there time and energy to ending their life.

You can make plan after plan and have everything set up but if you allow yourself even a moment of thought then fear sets in and your brain will fight your body which will prevent you from moving the parts that are required to get the job done.

I think people feel they are the star in their own show with a captive audience on the sidelines watching them and counting on every action they take to make sense as if it were scripted.

The only reason i'm alive is because as much as I want to end things... I have a sense of duty to some people who don't deserve for me to just throw in the towel. Every human being knows what it would take to end their life and if you remove thought from the equation, you could end yourself in a matter of seconds. Literally.

I think you're right. Whenever I read what suicide scientists write about suicide many of them mention that most of the suicide is kinda like on auto pilot: the person is completely numb and acts. Also they say so many people don't plan their suicide for months or years they do it very fast. But they also mention that there is a final trigger moment which will lead to that final give up and therefore to that autopilot.
They say mostly its something interpersonal. I think I won't get that trigger point because my suffering and pain is omnipresent from the moment i wake therefore i guess i just have to force myself doing it:
I have reflected everything, thought about my terrible life and realized how sad and tragic my life was and that i'll never have a life worth being lived so on that aspect I'm done. I have my logical reasons. Now comes the difficult part; i have to ctb by forcing myself to do that.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

@Hiro Uchiha
I'm so sorry to hear this. Did you place the noose above adamsapple? Because whenever i place it above adamsapple and then pull up the rope I my body gets weak extremely fast so i was wondering how you had enough power to free yourself from the noose after your whole body weight was on your neck. I also thought about this what if i hang fully but try to take off the noose and while doing that I'll somehow damage my set up. My plan is therefore to be as confident as possible when i have my attempt so that after i push the ladder away I'll not try anything but just wait the few seconds until unconscious.
Was your anchor point a little bit damaged after the attempt? Where there some scratches on it?

 

[Hiro Uchiha]

@Hiro Uchiha
I'm so sorry to hear this. Did you place the noose above adamsapple? Because whenever i place it above adamsapple and then pull up the rope I my body gets weak extremely fast so i was wondering how you had enough power to free yourself from the noose after your whole body weight was on your neck. I also thought about this what if i hang fully but try to take off the noose and while doing that I'll somehow damage my set up. My plan is therefore to be as confident as possible when i have my attempt so that after i push the ladder away I'll not try anything but just wait the few seconds until unconscious.
Was your anchor point a little bit damaged after the attempt? Where there some scratches on it?

Yes, it was above the Adam's apple. That's true, I felt weak at some point as well and it's a common response of the body. But, I believe in my case, adrenaline did its job. Apparently, this has been documented in some survival reports.

The role of adrenaline in such scenarios is significant. During asphyxiation, there is a marked increase in systemic arterial pressure, sympathetic nerve activity, and the release of catecholamines like epinephrine and norepinephrine. This surge in adrenaline can contribute to a temporary increase in blood pressure and may help sustain vital functions for a short period, potentially delaying the onset of cardiac arrest and providing a window for rescue. This physiological response might explain why some individuals can survive longer than expected, especially if they are not immediately unconscious and can struggle to create slack in the noose, allowing for an extra breath.

My anchor point is pretty much in tact

Spoiler: Noose

 

[SapoMotoqueiro]

I wanted to ask did you already test your anchor point, learned the knots, tested if you can compress the carotids perfectly? If so then may I also ask what stops you from committing suicide?

What makes me stop is because i tried, failled and had marks on my neck, it was partial hanging, if i try full suspension and manage to fail again i will be on trouble, unfortunaly i am not independent, i dont live alone. Today i could try it but i am so scared, so much scared.

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

Yes, it was above the Adam's apple. That's true, I felt weak at some point as well and it's a common response of the body. But, I believe in my case, adrenaline did its job. Apparently, this has been documented in some survival reports.

The role of adrenaline in such scenarios is significant. During asphyxiation, there is a marked increase in systemic arterial pressure, sympathetic nerve activity, and the release of catecholamines like epinephrine and norepinephrine. This surge in adrenaline can contribute to a temporary increase in blood pressure and may help sustain vital functions for a short period, potentially delaying the onset of cardiac arrest and providing a window for rescue. This physiological response might explain why some individuals can survive longer than expected, especially if they are not immediately unconscious and can struggle to create slack in the noose, allowing for an extra breath.

My anchor point is pretty much in tact

Spoiler: Noose

View attachment 182431

I hope that when I attempt I won't try to sabotage the attempt. I know si is irrational etc but in my case its all just suffering throughout the whole day. I have 0 reason actually to live, nothing makes me happy, tv shows are just there to fill the day because otherwise i'd watch the wall for all that time. I have a family that is annoying and i live with them and its all just too much.

Is that a bowline knot you used for your anchor point?

What makes me stop is because i tried, failled and had marks on my neck, it was partial hanging, if i try full suspension and manage to fail again i will be on trouble, unfortunaly i am not independent, i dont live alone. Today i could try it but i am so scared, so much scared.

Unfortunately i'm also not living alone. I wish I would it'd make everything much easier. I could without and problems just do it no matter if its 2pm 4pm or 5am. Just whenever I wanted ahh that would be awesome. But no unfortunately it all has to happen planned , calculated and bla bla bla. Its so difficult and it costs so much stress to organize all these things all the preparations.
But anyway on a Friday i'll do it because then nobody is at home for 3h

 

[Hiro Uchiha]

Is that a bowline knot you used for your anchor point?

Just a simple square knot, i think i doubled it for the anchor point. The noose itself is the classic hangman's knot.

 

[WhyAmIHereHonestly]

I recently (a few minutes ago) tried hanging, I couldn't bring myself to step off, I don't know why, it felt like some sort of reason rushed to my brain. And probably the fear of failure. I used a slipknot. Honestly, figuring it out and being 70% sure it would succeed was easy. actually doing it requires a lot of courage that my brain couldn't muster.