Venting To my future self

[solenoid]

We started off with good intentions; striving hard, working diligently, maintaining our health, saving money were all steps towards securing a better tomorrow. However, somewhere along the way, this love turned into an unhealthy obsession. Anxiety crept in and began to consume us, making you feel like a parasite that feeds off my happiness, my needs, my very essence of being.

I've lost touch with who I am, sacrificing my own well-being for the sake of your future. This constant state of deprivation has left me bitter and overwhelmed by anxiety and depression. In this struggle, any attention or pleasure directed towards myself is seen as a threat to you, any moment not spent working feels like wasted time.

But why should I continue with this abuse? What have you done for me that deserves such unconditional love?

As I lean over the edge, I realize that while I have but this day to lose, you stand to lose far more than just a fleeting moment. As I stare into the void you tremble with fear, and I am at peace

 

[escape_from_hell]

Sacrifice, discipline, and hard work are typically viewed as wholesome and inherently good activities.
It becomes the only appropriate behaviour.

Giving it all to a 'someday' but it will never be acceptable to not be in a bout of intense exercise, sacrificing all other moments for monopoly notes, eating a perfect diet the definition of which changes on the daily, hustling and grinding, and other healthy pursuits.
Just to possibly gain the privilege of maybe another joyless decade or two and succumbing to father time all the same.
Will larger account numbers on a screen and a headpat from a doctor about lab numbers be worth it?

On top of it all, you will feel even more guilty. The body ache is because you relaxed for 10 seconds instead of doing another stretch or pushing that lift a little bit more; you know you could have done another set or upped the weight to your max. That high or low lab reading was because you chose to eat half of a scone at that cafe 30 years ago instead of fasting or gnawing on a fibrous vegetable. The rent and bills eating into your savings faster than expected is because you could have hustled just one more hour each day, but nooooo, you wanted to relax and look at a website or daydream thinking you deserved to unwind.

A virtuous person will not suffer ills. A good soul does not experience ugliness, pain, loss of friends, loneliness, aging, poverty, or the like. This is because they chose to do the right thing. You knew the right thing was to work harder. You have free will. You chose your outcomes. All you had to do was not be lazy filth. Just deserts!

 

[Callie Arcale]

As I lean over the edge, I realize that while I have but this day to lose, you stand to lose far more than just a fleeting moment. As I stare into the void you tremble with fear, and I am at peace

beautifully written