TMS wearing off and the return of suicidal thoughts

[ChosenUndead]

Back in February, a couple of weeks after my nana died, I decided to do TMS. It worked. It's been over six months now however and the suicidal thoughts have been plauging me again. I've been depressed and have experienced suicidal thoughts ever since I was 11 years old. I can't stop crying and for two weeks I've been suffering from brain fog and headaches. Taking edibles again has been helping but still. Maybe the TMS therapy is finally wearing off? I want to relapse and cut myself so bad, I haven't done it since I lived with my nana but I don't have any blades. I'm so tired but I don't pity myself. I just feel apathetic, I want to put myself out of this misery but I'm scared. Have been for over a decade and more to finally bite the bullet. Sorry for the ramble, ADHD with these headaches and brain fog is a killer combo. Just wanted to get this off my mind even just for a moment.

 

[Kurwenal]

Is there a way for you to access TMS again? Speaking personally, if I had found a treatment that had worked for me, even temporarily, I would be hellbent on continuing it. I know it's usually done in courses of, if memory serves, 40 or so sessions over a period of weeks. Are you able to find a way to access TMS a second time? If you know it helps you, then that's massive already. I really hope there is a way you can give it another try knowing that you found relief the first time.