Venting Tired...

[LittleWrenBird]

I hate myself so fucking much... My boyfriend says if I was suicidal I would have done it already.. He says I'm seeking attention at this point because I just keep saying it.. I've attempted on my life but my SI(survival instinct) doesn't fucking let me die.. I just keep crying, hating myself more and more.. I don't like this feeling that I'm left with.. Why did I ever open up to him..

I told the doctor that I self-harmed. Originally I said I was in there because of a kitchen accident.. I still felt fucking judged. I remember walking out of the doctors office and hearing a nurse that was nearby sigh. I knew it was because of me.
I want to ctb... So much more shit than this happened and I'm just.. Exhausted with living..

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

It's incredibly annoying and upsetting when those who are supposed to care about us don't take our suffering seriously.
Yet they will no doubt feel sorry for themselves if we actually do ctb.

 

[LittleWrenBird]

Exactly.. It's exactly what you said. He told me when we were talking about it that he would feel upset if I died, he would still blame me for my choice because it was mine. I didn't ask to be put down everytime I opened up about this.. He told me I could talk with him about it, next thing you know he is making me feel worse about what I want to do to make everything just... Stop for me.

 

[nightmare_moon]

I'm really sorry he's treating you so poorly, no one deserves to have that kind of treatment. I hope you find your way out of that situation, wishing you well.

 

[Innereye]

Being suicidal is a state for the living. Its not an immediate prelude to any action. Sorry you're being pulled around so much, sounds like a difficult situation.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really awful being in that situation, I understand why you'd feel so tired, it's cruel how many people are so insensitive towards those who want to cease existing. But anyway best wishes.