Tired of the cycle of hate and competition

[byec560]

Just thinking today because I feel like every woman I'm in contact with is constantly talking about how much they hate men, and then I look around and see how much men are also bitter at women. I read a stat recently that such and such percent of women say that they have a negative impression of men. I always feel like I'm on the backfoot to prove that I'm one of "the good ones," but even then I know that I will never be trusted the same way and I always feel that I'm one fuckup away from being permanently hated. So many people I talk to say something to me along the lines of "Oh, I would want to date because I wanna fuck but I hate the idea of having to put effort into caring about someone other than myself :/" A couple of my friends legit got hate crimed recently just for being gay. It all feels so senseless.

Job applications are just a constant cycle. In higher ed right now and academia is just one long string of opportunities to pay for the privilege of doing free labor for people. And if you do, maybe you will have an opportunity to pay them again to do more free work! Nearly cried today because I just can't get money for an expensive project that I'm doing for FREE. They can't even toss me a few bucks even though I'm being their bitch. And if I publish this paper or whatever, what on earth could it possibly fucking be in the service of? Nothing! Moving soon, and what does that do for me? Nothing! Constantly doing favors for people who secretly have nothing but contempt and condescension for me. Guess what that's gotten me? Nothing!

Everything in life is just a constant uphill battle and I just can't hack the competition. I can't stand the idea of competing for a woman (it's a gross-sounding way to put it, I know, but it's close to the reality) and then constantly having to worry about being good enough (I'm not) otherwise she'll get bored and leave for someone else. Men praying on your downfall so that way they can just use that woman's body to basically masturbate into. Competing for jobs so I can compete for more jobs so I can do more work for people that don't give a single fuck about me. You work and work and work and you think that at some point people might feel gratitude, or at least pity you. But of course it will never fucking happen. The second you fuck up however? Now, that's big news and they'll take notice of that for sure. The world is just one big factory designed to maximize misery. It sucks.

Edit: Just re-read this and this rant is mega incoherent so sorry friends lol.

 

[timf]

It sounds like you are working in academia at the post graduate level. I is interesting how supposedly intelligent people can so easily justify their exploitation of others. If one considers places where people congregate for advantage (politics, corporations, schools, churches, etc.), on can see the worst in people.

Modern life has amplified our natural selfishness such that those who are not caught up in this are pretty rare. However, there still are people who have more curiosity than selfish ambition. There still are some who care more about other than themselves. However, one has to sift through many who are more self-centered to find them.

 

[itsgone2]

Competing for jobs so I can compete for more jobs so I can do more work for people that don't give a single fuck about me.

This is true now. Always was but used to be more family owned places. Those were normally good.

The world is dying. And everyone is fighting.

 

[WalmartSoap]

Yeah :c
I especially feel you with the dating thing. Even as a girl, it feels like I'm put against every other girl whenever a guy gets brought into the equation. My own insecurities begin competition before I even meet another girl, lol. Sucks when you aren't good-looking. As a girl, you have to submit yourself to insane social pressures to even have a chance of garnering the interest of a guy, but you also have to be "a girl's girl" and not challenge others in the process. It's really a lose-lose situation.

And it only got worse with social media and all that, I feel like many guys don't even know what a real girl looks like anymore. It truly is a cycle of competition and hatred.

 

[X-sanguinate86]

The humans in our midst are shockingly ugly on the inside when push comes to shove, which happens really easily. Behind the virtue signaling and socialized niceties it's just a gang of savage apes of both sexes. There is no hope in a society that has gotten too diverse, low-trust and polarized while also running out of properly distributed resources, including things as basic and crucial as jobs and purpose. It's a sick nightmare for the unlucky bottom half who don't have the luxury of lying anymore and it really doesn't matter what strata of society you are in. It's just bad.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Hi. Im new here and this is actually my first post

So i saw this post and i just had to join to reply cuz it made me feel a lot of what i go through. Except more painful

I always feel like I'm on the backfoot to prove that I'm one of "the good ones," but even then I know that I will never be trusted the same way and I always feel that I'm one fuckup away from being permanently hated.

there are a couple of things here

I dont think trying to prove you are good is a good idea. There is already too much virtue signalling everywhere so it seems sus

also i think in situations like this trying to earn anyone elses approval is already putting yourself on the back foot. That gives power to the other person, and its better to not do that if possible

So many people I talk to say something to me along the lines of "Oh, I would want to date because I wanna fuck but I hate the idea of having to put effort into caring about someone other than myself :/"

do guys or girls say this? Feels like its better to not keep company with guys who say this

As for girls. It feels like an excuse. Caring in the love sense is not a choice and it doesnt take effort

Job applications are just a constant cycle. In higher ed right now and academia is just one long string of opportunities to pay for the privilege of doing free labor for people. And if you do, maybe you will have an opportunity to pay them again to do more free work! Nearly cried today because I just can't get money for an expensive project that I'm doing for FREE. They can't even toss me a few bucks even though I'm being their bitch. And if I publish this paper or whatever, what on earth could it possibly fucking be in the service of? Nothing!

Sounds like youre wasting your time in school. For me all it did is get me in debt and every skill i use is learned on my own

Itll probly be better for you to make a budget to see how much money you really need, then move somewhere where the expense is lower.

No internships. Those are scams. Get money now and do something that isnt too psychologically damaging (ie not slaughter house worker, sex worker, or military personel in a combat role)
EDIT: no animal shelter worker too, those are really painful

Rural areas usually have more wholesome ppls

Moving soon, and what does that do for me? Nothing!

A good opportunity to put the previous plans in motion.

All itll cost you are your friends for what they are worth. Easy if like me, you dont have any

Constantly doing favors for people who secretly have nothing but contempt and condescension for me. Guess what that's gotten me? Nothing!

gotta say no to favors. Those really suck cuz they aint obligated to return it

I can't stand the idea of competing for a woman (it's a gross-sounding way to put it, I know, but it's close to the reality) and then constantly having to worry about being good enough (I'm not) otherwise she'll get bored and leave for someone else.

this kinda stuff happens cuz a lot of guys do what you just said and it spoils the girl and they think they can get away with anything

it hurts but try not to have any negative feelings. They could not have been anything else given the circumstances

Ofc, this doesnt always happen to every girl. But the thoughful, wholesome, and pretty (all at the same time ones) are almost guaranteed to already be in a loving relationship

Too easy for a guy to see a pretty girl and think they are this kind and jus need some saving but its an illusion. Most likely you get baggage or worse things you wish you never dipped into

Men praying on your downfall so that way they can just use that woman's body to basically masturbate into.

I thought the same thing. Men looking for love tend to think jus cuz their intentions are purer that they somehow deserve a girl more

But if its really love you want you can get everything you need except sex from a cat

I got out of this one by realizing my intentions werent so pure after all and that im not that different from most guys heheheh

 

[Celerity]

I am also sickened by how much our society pushes selfishness - and I do mean selfishness, not individualism. If individualism were the thème du jour of our times here in the West, hierarchy, domination, and bullying would not be mainstays of our daily lives.

The most depressing place to see it is in the hospital. It's why I can't work the Intensive Care Unit, or nursing homes, and probably never with kids or babies. Here in the US, everything is about that almighty dollar. Abuse, neglect, and fraud are rampant. If even the most vulnerable and desperate among us can't garner sympathy, what hope do the rest of us have?

I am in school, and I despise a lot of the nurses on the unit where I have to do my clinicals. They are some of the most selfish and lazy assholes I have met. The worst among them get along great in their little clique. It has always been funny to me that the meanest people find each other. You'd think such miserable SOBs wouldn't be able to cooperate, but I think the trick is that they keep their standards low. They give nothing and expect nothing in return. Rudeness is the rule, and kindness means weakness.

 

[no mas]

Unfortunately that sounds about the way things actually are. It's truly a great divide, This is a Greed Ridden country. I cant change that dynamic, it's become too ingrained. As for myself, I've made too many decades long, wrong uncorrected decisions...that brought me to this juncture in life. Not earning enough, not saving enough, and not investing well, along with working absolutely for free and living like a dirty dog in overpriced run down rentals all my life. And although I've helped several people I've cared for who had no one else to turn to for decades, they have all since died, Now its my turn. I have no one to turn to, i just exist, I see the writing on the wall and its telling me to CTB ASAP. I dont want to exist without any hope and love. Being old, sick, alone and in pain, while homeless and destitute is nothing less than a horror. No good soul should experience such torture.

 

[Lamentice]

So many people I talk to say something to me along the lines of "Oh, I would want to date because I wanna fuck but I hate the idea of having to put effort into caring about someone other than myself :/"

Wow.. I mean not actually surprised.. but I've never had the pleasure (or displeasure?) of hearing someone just say it out loud. [Side note: always amazed by people's unwillingness to hire sex workers when what they want aligns perfectly with that service, I honestly don't understand, but whatever].

Personally, I don't date at all, I was born homosexual and find myself profoundly unattracted to my own sex anymore (beyond the physical) because human behavior in general is just such rancid bullshit.

I don't know if it's a result of the times we live in, or if the times we live in has just exposed raw true human nature, but humans are really horrific and shockingly disgusting.

I have had the pleasure (or displeasure) of having a coworker recently who openly describes themselves as "loving attention from people" and really thrives in drama and gossip, worries me cause they're one of those people I could end up on the bad side of (because I honestly don't preform socially, or don't preform well if I try) and they'd feel justified and euphoric to go slander me to the point of termination if they just woke up and didn't like me one day. First day I met them I was taking a vitamin and they thought I was taking a pill and said, "Can I see that bottle?" which instantly was invasive and strange to me, but now it makes sense, they like being in people's business.

The men vs women thing is very real, and why I've removed myself (or started removing myself) from queer/women-dominated spaces, (I don't put myself in male dominated spaces either, also avoid, they're not better, in fact my expectation for queer/women spaces to be better is exactly why I am so dissapointed). Women get to tout around some deluded double standards and hypocrisy while snickering to each other about how horrible & disturbing & violent and whatever else men are. While everyone also policies each other so heavily on making sure marginalized groups/minorities are not viewed/treated as monoliths--while treating other groups like monoliths of evil: e.g. men, white people, cis/hetero people. Everyone preaches about their own crippling empathy and superpowered neurodivergence (or disability, whichever when it suits them) while being absurdly selective on their "empathy" (I really don't believe en masse these people are experiencing empathy but sympathy instead), they don't have "empathy" for individuals nearly as much as groups and ideologies and political stances because when you really wittle it down it's all disingenuous virtue signaling, but since many of these folks take themselves seriously and don't have the awarness of their own hypocrisy and moral contradiction forget about it, they only suddenly have awarness of themselves when it means they can garner validation through writing a guilt post about how ashamed of themselves and their peers they are. They don't have "empathy" for individuals who benefit from some sort of systematic privledge, even if as a singular human being that person is suffering and struggling and in need of community and support. They won't acknowledge that their rejection, abandonment, and mistreatment of those individuals results in resentment, hatred, and radicalization, and that if they had humanity toward individuals and were truly empathetic instead of judgemental, many of those people would have become healthier individuals with positive relational systems, but they feel justified in how they are and see people, so again forget about it.

There is so much to pick apart and say about humans and how generally selffish, self-inflated, unaware, hypocritical, and lacking in capacity they all are. The social games they all play with each other rooted in competition and power dynamics is crazy from an outside perspective, but I guess not uncommon for animals in general. But it's all just really gross.. especially when there is an ever-prevailing narrative of how non-animalistic humans are, which is just clearly inaccurate.

Women survey is each other for competition all the time, which is why many are so self-deprecating in the presence of other women, confidence is threatening and they all want to signal non-competition. It's also why they all talk negatively about men as a whole, it signals non-competition to each other, but none of it is really sincere, it's social performance and power dynamics. The "girls-girl" phenomenon is really hysterical to me.. I'm not typically interested in fully exposing my identity on this site, but I'm lesbian (although prefer to just use homosexual in most contexts), I'm not competition to other women (technically I would be competing for them), but because I don't socially preform the whole insecure and man-hating act I am often ostracized by them because I am not a "girls-girl", it's absurd, and at this point absurdly funny.

There is a layer of percieved danger and self-protection in the man-hating bullshit, but in actual actions vs how much they talk about all this shit I just see a lot of dissonance and insincerity.

Men are also all in competition with each other. And of course men and women are also in competition against each other. And for good measure to keep it that way a lot of online discourse at this point is all pointed, strategic division and rage-baiting for the engagement of the platform and because there is actually quite a lot to gain from an extremely divided and polarized population. Much of it is real and much of it is psy-ops and much of it is bots engagement farming.

All-in-all humans are pretty sick and hypocritical and insecure. It's just so wild how fucking god-awful disgusting everyone really is. Humans are just animals, and if you look at other intelligent animals on the planet (that are social) they're often all pretty fucking sick and horrific; chimps are disturbingly violent and cruel, dolphins can be genuinely evil, orcas kill for fun, bonobos are competitive and violent, orangutans love raping, really all of these animals do.

Someone said to me once that all that separates us from other animals is the ability to lie, and I think greater than that all that separates "intelligent" life from other life is the ability to be cruel.

 

[Celerity]

Unfortunately that sounds about the way things actually are. It's truly a great divide, This is a Greed Ridden country. I cant change that dynamic, it's become too ingrained. As for myself, I've made too many decades long, wrong uncorrected decisions...that brought me to this juncture in life. Not earning enough, not saving enough, and not investing well, along with working absolutely for free and living like a dirty dog in overpriced run down rentals all my life. And although I've helped several people I've cared for who had no one else to turn to for decades, they have all since died, Now its my turn. I have no one to turn to, i just exist, I see the writing on the wall and its telling me to CTB ASAP. I dont want to exist without any hope and love. Being old, sick, alone and in pain, while homeless and destitute is nothing less than a horror. No good soul should experience such torture.

I'm really sorry that you are going through all that. I've seen people in that situation before. It's awful.