tired of people making excuses for my actions

[awaitinglove]

i did something so terrible and now i have no choice but to die. the people close to me keep excusing my actions and it's driving me insane. what i did completely breaks my morals so the only way out is dying. i hate that no one acknowledges the fact that i went against my values and morals. i apologized and the person didn't acknowledge my apology. even if they did acknowledge it, it wouldn't be enough to steer my away from ctb.
ughhh i'm just so fucking frustrated and angry and i hate myself so fucking much. luckily i have access to sn, so now it's all about planning and picking out a date. i'm honestly a little sad knowing that i will have to die alone. i wish i didn't have to spend my last moments alone. i don't deserve any relief or company though because what i did was so fucking horrible.
sorry this is all over the place i just need to rant idek what i'm saying tbh.
i'm just so fucking done with everything. i feel like this is my rock fucking bottom. ughhh