Venting Tired of not having anyone

[Sk1rtd4b]

Let me emphasize that the title isn't necessarily talking about love but rather just PEOPLE that I could talk to anything about. Never in my life have I been able to open up about anything deep down inside of me that I truly want to get out. I have "friends" that are really just exclusive to school and that's it. Just the people I could sit with at lunch or talk to in class or whatever but after that I'm just lonely. I never get hit up about anything. I was fine with it for a while, started going to the gym and still am but it's just catching up to me and out of nowhere the idea of CTB started to seem like less of a crazy idea. So much so I can't envision a future where I don't die via CTB. It's like a weird cycle I have in my mind that will always end in pain. I really want to open up about my issues and get help, but if I do I think I will ruin the relationship and it will make things different. Some who know me would probably say I have a lot to live for, I have a job that pays decently, and I am a really good athlete but it just all seems worthless when I have all this stuff on one side of my life and nothing on the other. I forgot to mention this but it's even worse because I knew what it was like to hangout all the time, I knew what it was like to socialize and be texted out of the blue and just be cared about but I lost all of that because I did something stupid and got in trouble and them not wanting to be associated with that just all dropped me like we were never friends. It hurt to know such a good and fun life and to all just loose it in a night. The idea of CTB via OD is just so appealing to me Aswell. Drifting out of existence all doped up unable to think straight. Just seems so peaceful, all my worries behind me as I leave the world. It just seems like the only way for me to escape this cycle. It's like I was meant for this because I've been thinking about it almost daily since I was in late elementary but only recently started genuinely planning it. Overall just seems meant for me.

 

[strawberry_lemons]

im sorry you feel so alone, no one deserves that trust me i get it,. i would recommend talking if you think its safe but you dont have to. all i hope is that you can find some peace in death or life whichever you may choose <3

 

[iloverachel]

I am so sorry my friend
Loneliness hurts and sucks, and its worse when you have so much bottled up and no one to vent to

 

[chestnut]

I'm so sorry :( Know that feeling too well. Life is about people and connections (for me) and losing that feels like death already in a way. May you find peace from your suffering.