
BrokenHill
detached from reality
- May 1, 2022
- 52
It's really awful to not be understood from anyone around me, I can't say anything about ny plans or my pain, if i complain too much about sadness and the meaningless of life there will be suspection about my behaviour and bad consequences will happen, everyone around me is 1000% pro lifers and if i mention one good word about suicide they will stare at me weirdly.
I don't need any encouragement from them to ctb i just want that decision to be respected and need them to understand my reasons to ctb, I can't forever force myself to fake smile and fake happiness behaviour just to avoid abusive emotional hurt if they knew my plan it's not fair i already suffer why they blame us for ctb and telling us to man up and be strong? Why they think we are weak and they are stronger than us?
I can't discuss anyone outside ss even on internet without feeling restricted to express my emotions and being told "you have to find hope, don't give up you need to be strong and believe in yourself, don't do it!" Blah blah blah man we are not kids that can be tricked and doped with that words, talking is much easier than doing it, it's not like you know what our minds and emotions are more than we know ourselves.
I feel so lonely and misunderstood because of prolifers and my family will threat me if they knew that I'm suicidal and psychiatrist will lead me to psych ward if he know, so no help is coming, they are prolifers but they forget that they lead many people to ctb because of them
lonely in the darkness.
I don't need any encouragement from them to ctb i just want that decision to be respected and need them to understand my reasons to ctb, I can't forever force myself to fake smile and fake happiness behaviour just to avoid abusive emotional hurt if they knew my plan it's not fair i already suffer why they blame us for ctb and telling us to man up and be strong? Why they think we are weak and they are stronger than us?
I can't discuss anyone outside ss even on internet without feeling restricted to express my emotions and being told "you have to find hope, don't give up you need to be strong and believe in yourself, don't do it!" Blah blah blah man we are not kids that can be tricked and doped with that words, talking is much easier than doing it, it's not like you know what our minds and emotions are more than we know ourselves.
I feel so lonely and misunderstood because of prolifers and my family will threat me if they knew that I'm suicidal and psychiatrist will lead me to psych ward if he know, so no help is coming, they are prolifers but they forget that they lead many people to ctb because of them
lonely in the darkness.