Help Tired of failing

[Thatdude]

So long story short I'm 33 now. For a number of years I've tried getting a career in IT as several things. But I never was able to break into the field. Even down to the point with my last degree I allowed someone that worked high up in a state job in IT to cheat off of me with the promise that they would help me get a job. But after the class was over they ghosted me.
Before this I gotten a degree in aerospace, and when I graduated the market collapse. I was able to get a manufacturing job, but was fired from it for unknown reasons. I was told I didn't mix well with others, which might of been the case since I was constantly bullied both on the floor and break areas. I picked up another job, and was fired after 1 day because they found out I was in school for another degree. I was laughed out of several interviews even when I gotten all the answers right.
Recently I tried to enact my backup plan which was for me to go into the military. But I found out that I can't join since I'm autistic.
For a number of years I tried things like making a living off of 3D printing, laser engraving/cutting, CNC, coding, making YouTube videos, and a few other things. Like with YouTube alone I'm getting an average of $160 a month off of maybe 1,000 videos since I joined in late 2011. (It should be noted that the channel has 13k subs and 4.1 mllion views. But month after month I'm getting between $120-$200). 3D printing might make me a good $20 a month on average. Some months several hundred, and others $0. Laser engraving/cutting and CNC has gotten me an average of $0 a month.

I've tried other things like art and writing books. I didn't get a single cent from that.

Most recently I came across licensing product ideas to companies. Like since my products in 3D printing wasn't taking off, but I'm not spending any ad money. But I have an extremely high review rate, and people keep saying it's useful. I did the math and found I will always be chasing my tail if I was to try to make a living off of 3D printing alone. Where I would need more machines to print larger orders which needs more machines to pay for those machines, and so on. After asking around since I couldn't figure out how some inventors could afford a patent cost which is normally $20k, some groups pointed me to a book called One Simple Idea. The owner made the following channel https://www.youtube.com/c/inventRight
I looked into it and looked into how legit licensing stuff is. I found around somewhere within 85%-95% of what is in the average consumer market is through this. So this in itself has given me a bit of hope.
All my hope in this was lost today after I looked at the numbers I've gotten back. After trying for 2 months and asking about 89 companies. Several liked it for initial review, but ALL have rejected it so far. Like right now there isn't a single company I know of that is reviewing it. And today alone I've gotten about 6 rejection emails.
I've already decided to off myself if my life doesn't get better by 2022. But, days like today makes me want to enact my exit plan today. My exit plan is to use the exit bag method to die.
IDK how much more I can deal with. I think I'm just highly unlucky, and this might be the best it gets for me. I'm sorry for wasting people's time. I just needed to put this out there since maybe someone can point out a better path or whatever.

 

[checkouttime]

I feel your pain. you were lucky to even get rejection emails! I once read that when companies are looking for employees.they only read the first few applicants details and usually find someone they are looking for. so all the rest was a waste of time and effort.

I applied for 100's of jobs and didn't get ANY replies. It is really disheartening. At the beginning of my career i actually worked for nothing..... I was actually payed off aswell.....for showing up the 'paid' apprentice...go figure.

Another thing is everyone wants experience, but how do you get it if no one gives you a chance.

I did in the end set up my own successful business, I know its not easy for everyone.

what i will say is you seem to be motivated and willing to put effort in. which is a massive + point. I hope things turn around for you.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I really hope things pick up for you. You are for sure determined. I give you a ton of credit I know you are trying so much more than I ever did.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

The job market is so horrible right now, it's challenging for a lot of people. I've had to change careers recently, and while I'm in a decent job, I'm making just over half of what I used to make. Finding a job that really covers my needs, utilizes my qualifications, and targets my passions seems impossible right now.

 

[PJFord]

Thank you for your post. I feel the pain but also your determination and creativity to try multiple paths. As @Wisdom3_1-9 said, the job market is incredibly tough these days. Also, I have a friend in Human Resources who does hiring and it's a "numbers game." Employers need to show they screened a large slate for diversity purposes, when in fact they may have already settled on a candidate. I've also worked with recruiters and it's the same thing. Wow, they build you up like you walk on water and then you either don't get the job or more often, they just ghost you.

What I'm saying is don't get discouraged that it's something you did or didn't do or say. It's an employer market now and to them, a job seeker is just a number or piece of paper.

Please vent here if you need to. You're among friends.

 

[Thatdude]

Thanks for the kind words everyone. At the end of the day I'm just tired of trying things and it being a failure. I will admit hands down some of this if not the majority is my fault in some way. Like I should've done more research into if autistic people are allowed in the military. Or if you can be hired as an autistic person to fly a plane (which it turns out no airline will hire you even if you have a license).

Between trying things the normal route, trying to even build and use contacts, trying normal things like painting, trying to start multiple businesses over the years, and trying out of the box methods like licensing product ideas or 3D print/Laser/CNC. At this point I don't want a job anymore. Like I'm to the point with all the compounded stress, rejections, failures, and so on. I honestly don't think I can even mentally hold down a part time job anymore.

And the funny/sad thing is. The biggest thing money will give me is at least a little security for what if. Like if my parents wake up tomorrow and decide they had enough of me. I will off myself vs going homeless. But even if one of these deals work out. Like lets say I gotten a message tomorrow from a company that wants to make a deal with me to license an idea. I don't think I would want to move away from my parents. It's the fact that I won't be screwed if I was kicked out that I would be OK with. The fact that I wouldn't have to think about spending more than $50 a year on a game. It's the stability that comes with it.

Sadly, I calculated to the near dollar on how much I need per year to be happy during retirement. Assuming I have no debt, I think it will take me around $12k to $20k a year.

Because I have nothing else, I'm still pushing for maybe one of my ideas to get licensed or maybe my YouTube stuff will pick up. Maybe I will luck out. But the rate things are going, I don't think it will.
Tomorrow, I will wake up and start working on a PPA for some tools I designed for when I'm working on my parents bees for bee keeping. And then I will start pushing that out to companies after making a sell sheet. All I know is I have to keep trying. Otherwise there is no way to pull myself into a better situation. I'm just sick of trying and I'm ready to retire or die

 

[anonbpdgirl]

God — there's not much I can say. I'm trying to break into a different field, but I relate to so much of what you've said. It fucking sucks. *hugs*.

 

[checkouttime]

The problem i always thought is. potential employers see the same thing over and over on pieces of paper so you need to stick out.I stayed extra time in college to get a higher qualification ,i didn't particularly need, just so i might look better than the other people(i don't think it even worked)but even if you do, you need them to read your application in the 1st place . they may read the 1st 20 applications an find the 2 people they want to employ easily and get 1000's of applicants.

My theory was I needed to get to speak to some one face to face. Then i could show someone what i really know and my enthusiasm etc. Its just getting that in the 1st place.

Its like when i got assessed when i got my qualification off the governing body of my trade . the guy had never in many years passed someone 1st time, he told me. He passed me!!!!!!! so i knew getting face to faces the key when you know your stuff and have the motivation etc to do the job.

It used to piss me off, their are so many people doing my job that weren't as interested, knowledgable or passionate about it. It gets totally annoying and disheartening, but don't give up, like i said i ended up with my own firm etc and was earning v good money. i also passed my course when i was 26 yrs old(did alot of fucking about) so don't worry about that either, i know thats easier said than done and people have different circumstances though.