Tinnitus put the nail in the coffin

[illmissmydogthatsit]

I used to be able to have fun even though I had terrible mental health. Then I got severe chronic tinnitus and it stole what little remained of my sanity. I can't just chill and listen to music on headphones, no live music, no loud clubs/venues, motor boats, etc. you'd be surprised how loud many popular "fun" activities are. Can't smoke weed either, makes it deafening. Now that I can't listen to music on headphones and can't self-medicate, I have to face the raw emotional pain of my existence very single day with no adequate distractions. My life is empty and boring. Every week feels like a month. I am running on 1% and I'm only 21. If there's a God, he really chose me to suffer while everyone around me lives life.
TLDR; tinnitus + treatment resistant depression + ASD and suspected BPD= the difference between suicidal ideation and me actually ending my life.
It's literally BECAUSE I can't have fun anymore. If I could still have fun (and some fucking peace and quiet), I wouldn't be on SS, and suicidal thoughts would always remain passing thoughts.
Chosen methods: Fent OD (unfortunately no IRL access to the drug and afraid to order for fear of literally going to prison), Jumping from hotel balcony while too intoxicated for SI to kick in (benzos, which I have prescribed).

 

[outrider567]

My cousin has Tinnitus, she says its hell

 

[illmissmydogthatsit]

My cousin has Tinnitus, she says its hell

The worst part of T is all the things you can't do for fear of making the condition worse (mine already got worse once so I'm speaking from experience). Put a huge damper on my life. I hope your cousin is doing okay. I hope you're hanging in there as well. Hugs.

 

[Tuurngait]

Damn man, Tinnitus really does terrify me and sometimes when I play something too loud it makes me stop and turn it down.

Best of luck however you go my man.

 

[illmissmydogthatsit]

Damn man, Tinnitus really does terrify me and sometimes when I play something too loud it makes me stop and turn it down.

Best of luck however you go my man.

Watch the volume and you'll be fine, I have T from years of blasting my headphones (I didn't know permanent/chronic tinnitus existed until I got it smh). Obv I have bad genes as well, T has a genetic component.
Best of luck to you too, hang in there, hugs

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I developed something similar. It has been hell. I just hope your condition subsides, at least down to a tolerable level.

 

[unnormal9]

Stan's Guide to SN.

Sodium Nitrite (SN) Method Introduction This document has been designed to give a full understanding of SN, what it is, how it works and how to use it. It will use the most simplest way of delivering this information as many members do not have English as their first language. Therefore using...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I understand.

 

[howl pendragon]

OP, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. Although I don't know exactly how you feel, I do know how it feels to have little things pile up on a daily basis, and one day you find yourself so buried under it all that tiredness takes over.

I'm so sorry you're at your limit. And I agree with the view that a life without pleasure is not a real life, just painful survival.

Since its such a difficult moment, if you'll allow me some advice, I'd just suggest trying to take some time off to clear your head a bit, just to make sure you've "written down all the pros and cons", so to speak. To be clear, I will not make empty promises that things will get better, or that this will pass. That's not my point, and that would just invalidate what you've been through.

I just believe that the best way to make a decision is to look inside. To try and make peace with yourself, you know? To lighten the weight of the heart a little, knowing you, and only you, are in controll of this decision. You may not be able to controll everything else, but this, is in your hands. This is your decision, and no one elses.

And regardless of your choices or methods, I wish you find the peace you seek.

 

[illmissmydogthatsit]

OP, I'm so sorry for everything you've been through. Although I don't know exactly how you feel, I do know how it feels to have little things pile up on a daily basis, and one day you find yourself so buried under it all that tiredness takes over.

I'm so sorry you're at your limit. And I agree with the view that a life without pleasure is not a real life, just painful survival.

Since its such a difficult moment, if you'll allow me some advice, I'd just suggest trying to take some time off to clear your head a bit, just to make sure you've "written down all the pros and cons", so to speak. To be clear, I will not make empty promises that things will get better, or that this will pass. That's not my point, and that would just invalidate what you've been through.

I just believe that the best way to make a decision is to look inside. To try and make peace with yourself, you know? To lighten the weight of the heart a little, knowing you, and only you, are in controll of this decision. You may not be able to controll everything else, but this, is in your hands. This is your decision, and no one elses.

And regardless of your choices or methods, I wish you find the peace you seek.

Thank you for your reply. Trust me, I don't want to die, it's just that things are unbearable right now, and have been for quite a while. I am definitely giving it more time. When one "catches the bus", the chances of things getting worse are eliminated, as are the chances of things getting better. It's not a decision I'm taking lightly, especially at the age of 21.
I hope anyone reading this also takes the time to really consider. Give it time. Hang in there. Weigh the pros and cons. Only do it if you are really sure. Because you can't get your life back.
Love to all

 

[howl pendragon]

I hope anyone reading this also takes the time to really consider. [...] Weigh the pros and cons. Only do it if you are really sure.

I can totally agree with that. <3 And I trully believe that making a clear decision (or at least, trying to) can bring some peace. No matter if in our final moments, or when staying a bit longer.

 

[Huntfish34]

I'm sorry you are having to deal with that, I've had it in my right ear for about the past 20 years. I guess I have gotten used to it to a degree, but I still absolutely fckn hate it. It can be downright maddening, I understand.

Thoughts and prayers to you in whatever may happen-

 

[oneeyed]

Sorry about what you're going through. I don't know if it's technically tinnitus but I get ringing every so often, oddly enough right now typing this. Like the tone you hear from a tv channel being off the air (younger folks probably have no idea what I'm talking about lol) This is already annoying, can only imagine your pain. Hope you find something that helps with the symptoms.

 

[illmissmydogthatsit]

Tch, pity-party threads.

Sometimes people need support

 

[unnormal9]

Sometimes people need support

Not in the same vein.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Can we please remember to treat people with love and respect. When suicidal people are coming here and asking for support, can we not just say they are attention seeking and looking for a pity party. That only harms, not helps.

 

[illmissmydogthatsit]

Can we please remember to treat people with love and respect. When suicidal people are coming here and asking for support, can we not just say they are attention seeking and looking for a pity party. That only harms, not helps.

@unnormal9 Thank youuuu

 

[BrightAndDark]

I used to be able to have fun even though I had terrible mental health. Then I got severe chronic tinnitus and it stole what little remained of my sanity. I can't just chill and listen to music on headphones, no live music, no loud clubs/venues, motor boats, etc. you'd be surprised how loud many popular "fun" activities are. Can't smoke weed either, makes it deafening. Now that I can't listen to music on headphones and can't self-medicate, I have to face the raw emotional pain of my existence very single day with no adequate distractions. My life is empty and boring. Every week feels like a month. I am running on 1% and I'm only 21. If there's a God, he really chose me to suffer while everyone around me lives life.
TLDR; tinnitus + treatment resistant depression + ASD and suspected BPD= the difference between suicidal ideation and me actually ending my life.
It's literally BECAUSE I can't have fun anymore. If I could still have fun (and some fucking peace and quiet), I wouldn't be on SS, and suicidal thoughts would always remain passing thoughts.
Chosen methods: Fent OD (unfortunately no IRL access to the drug and afraid to order for fear of literally going to prison), Jumping from hotel balcony while too intoxicated for SI to kick in (benzos, which I have prescribed).

I've had T for 30 years. I learned to live with it by "pushing" the sound in a mental closet, wearing ear plugs at clubs. I mostly like silence, but can't have quiet now. I recently blasted the car stereo and since then it's been worse. I hope it calms down again soon. Very hard to live with bad T. I can easily see how to could drive a person to suicide if it was bad.

 

[unnormal9]

Can we please remember to treat people with love and respect. When suicidal people are coming here and asking for support, can we not just say they are attention seeking and looking for a pity party. That only harms, not helps.

There's the recovery section for that, or that decrepit subreddit.

 

[Unwr!tten]

Hey, @illmissmydogthatsit How can I best help and support you?

There's the recovery section for that, or that decrepit subreddit.

Or, a great idea would be to not post where you're not wanted and disrespectful comments are not wanted here, in this thread. I'm sure there are other threads for you, but you are only hurting people here.

 

[illmissmydogthatsit]

Hey, @illmissmydogthatsit How can I best help and support you?

Or, a great idea would be to not post where you're not wanted and disrespectful comments are not wanted here, in this thread. I'm sure there are other threads for you, but you are only hurting people here.

Hey @Unwr!tten , you just bein here and hearing me out an stickin up for me is great! Keep being there for people, that's what this forum should be about <3

There's the recovery section for that, or that decrepit subreddit.

@unnormal9 bro imagine hating on a suicide forum... sad. You'll never change either. Chronically online people like you rarely ever change. There's hope for me although I'm struggling- nobody can tell me otherwise. That's why I haven't ctb yet. But I don't know about you. Sad for you, because obviously you're on here for a reason, and you're hating on here for a reason. Nevertheless I hope one day the sun comes out for you, and you stop suffering. If you decide to ctb... well I hope you do what's right for you.
This is the last response from me. Take it or leave it.

 

[Georg]

I had trouble with tinnitus for years too. Went to three doctors and nobody could help me. Exercising and enough sleep helped a lot; I know especially the "just sleep well" part is hard to do.

What also helps is to avoid too much silence during the day, bc then you will hear it even more. It's best to have a job where you are talking with ppl all day, that makes you distracted from the noise.

 

[illmissmydogthatsit]

I had trouble with tinnitus for years too. Went to three doctors and nobody could help me. Exercising and enough sleep helped a lot; I know especially the "just sleep well" part is hard to do.

What also helps is to avoid too much silence during the day, bc then you will hear it even more. It's best to have a job where you are talking with ppl all day, that makes you distracted from the noise.

Did yours go away or did you get used to it? I completely agree about sleeping and remaining active and engaging with people. Really good advice to anyone with T.

 

[Georg]

Did yours go away or did you get used to it? I completely agree about sleeping and remaining active and engaging with people. Really good advice to anyone with T.

First I got used to it (this is probably the first step) but now it's gone

 

[PrisonBreak]

I also suffer from catastrophic tinnitus(which worsens everyday) and other mental, physical illnesses. I can't say much as each person experience tinnitus differently. But I would like to wish you good vibes and luck. Take care

 

[illmissmydogthatsit]

I also suffer from catastrophic tinnitus(which worsens everyday) and other mental, physical illnesses. I can't say much as each person experience tinnitus differently. But I would like to wish you good vibes and luck. Take care

Aww same to you, I am so sorry to hear about the severity of your T. You are so strong for continuing to deal with all that life is throwing at you, and continuing to support people. I'm here if you want to talk about T just know that <3

 

[starlover]

I used to be able to have fun even though I had terrible mental health. Then I got severe chronic tinnitus and it stole what little remained of my sanity. I can't just chill and listen to music on headphones, no live music, no loud clubs/venues, motor boats, etc. you'd be surprised how loud many popular "fun" activities are. Can't smoke weed either, makes it deafening. Now that I can't listen to music on headphones and can't self-medicate, I have to face the raw emotional pain of my existence very single day with no adequate distractions. My life is empty and boring. Every week feels like a month. I am running on 1% and I'm only 21. If there's a God, he really chose me to suffer while everyone around me lives life.
TLDR; tinnitus + treatment resistant depression + ASD and suspected BPD= the difference between suicidal ideation and me actually ending my life.
It's literally BECAUSE I can't have fun anymore. If I could still have fun (and some fucking peace and quiet), I wouldn't be on SS, and suicidal thoughts would always remain passing thoughts.
Chosen methods: Fent OD (unfortunately no IRL access to the drug and afraid to order for fear of literally going to prison), Jumping from hotel balcony while too intoxicated for SI to kick in (benzos, which I have prescribed).

I relate to this... a lot. We're on the same boat to hell, you and I.

I'm so sorry.

 

[Vizzy]

Hey @Unwr!tten , you just bein here and hearing me out an stickin up for me is great! Keep being there for people, that's what this forum should be about <3

@unnormal9 bro imagine hating on a suicide forum... sad. You'll never change either. Chronically online people like you rarely ever change. There's hope for me although I'm struggling- nobody can tell me otherwise. That's why I haven't ctb yet. But I don't know about you. Sad for you, because obviously you're on here for a reason, and you're hating on here for a reason. Nevertheless I hope one day the sun comes out for you, and you stop suffering. If you decide to ctb... well I hope you do what's right for you.
This is the last response from me. Take it or leave it.

I am guessing but not sure, what @unnormal9 mean is if you want help you can post in recovery section, we have three section suicide discussion, recovery and off topic to talk about different things like politics and philosophy

I won't go to any other section except suicide discussion and forum games because other sections make me more suicidal, recovery section I won't even enter because it makes me sad

SS is not a complete suicide forum because we have different section to speak about different things but ctb is the main topic in suicide discussion section!

 

[lifeisbutadream]

I used to be able to have fun even though I had terrible mental health. Then I got severe chronic tinnitus and it stole what little remained of my sanity. I can't just chill and listen to music on headphones, no live music, no loud clubs/venues, motor boats, etc. you'd be surprised how loud many popular "fun" activities are. Can't smoke weed either, makes it deafening. Now that I can't listen to music on headphones and can't self-medicate, I have to face the raw emotional pain of my existence very single day with no adequate distractions. My life is empty and boring. Every week feels like a month. I am running on 1% and I'm only 21. If there's a God, he really chose me to suffer while everyone around me lives life.
TLDR; tinnitus + treatment resistant depression + ASD and suspected BPD= the difference between suicidal ideation and me actually ending my life.
It's literally BECAUSE I can't have fun anymore. If I could still have fun (and some fucking peace and quiet), I wouldn't be on SS, and suicidal thoughts would always remain passing thoughts.
Chosen methods: Fent OD (unfortunately no IRL access to the drug and afraid to order for fear of literally going to prison), Jumping from hotel balcony while too intoxicated for SI to kick in (benzos, which I have prescribed).

Your brain will eventually acclimate to tinnitus and you won't even notice it any more. At first it is suicidal. Benzos are a lifesaver. They will let you sleep. I had tinnitus and beat it.

 

[bluebird16]

I used to be able to have fun even though I had terrible mental health. Then I got severe chronic tinnitus and it stole what little remained of my sanity. I can't just chill and listen to music on headphones, no live music, no loud clubs/venues, motor boats, etc. you'd be surprised how loud many popular "fun" activities are. Can't smoke weed either, makes it deafening. Now that I can't listen to music on headphones and can't self-medicate, I have to face the raw emotional pain of my existence very single day with no adequate distractions. My life is empty and boring. Every week feels like a month. I am running on 1% and I'm only 21. If there's a God, he really chose me to suffer while everyone around me lives life.
TLDR; tinnitus + treatment resistant depression + ASD and suspected BPD= the difference between suicidal ideation and me actually ending my life.
It's literally BECAUSE I can't have fun anymore. If I could still have fun (and some fucking peace and quiet), I wouldn't be on SS, and suicidal thoughts would always remain passing thoughts.
Chosen methods: Fent OD (unfortunately no IRL access to the drug and afraid to order for fear of literally going to prison), Jumping from hotel balcony while too intoxicated for SI to kick in (benzos, which I have prescribed).

I have the same which has been made worse by withdrawal from Xanax, must have been the ototoxicity

 

[rationaltake]

I know how awful tinnitus can be.

Have you tried noise generating machines or apps? Sometimes these work for some people by cancelling out the noise. This can give them a break or help them sleep.

I don't know which country you're in but the Tinnitus UK website has information about things that might help.

Apologies if you've already explored these options to no avail.