Discussion Timing Exit with Mental State

[Deadlyserious]

I am presently watching dementia decimate my mother. Once, she was a strong, opinionated and fiercely independent woman that gave no f*cks when it came to getting things done. To say that she is a shell of her former self is an understatement. It is hard to believe what this dreadful disease has reduced her to: complete mental incompetence, inability to care for herself in anyway, to speak, recall a thing, process even the simplest forms of thought. She spends her day babbling incoherently, wandering an aimless path like a broken Roomba, changing direction at random when she meets an obstacle. She is dependent on her husband for everything, and of course I and my siblings help every bit as much as we can. She started showing signs that something was off a full 10 years ago, more by my estimation. She was very much aware of her disgnosis when it came and knew what was happening and was going to happen up to the point that she didn't. She lost everything about 3 years ago. Aside from a malfunctioning brain, she is healthy as a horse. There is no end in sight. She could linger on for another day or another decade. It is heartbreaking and maddening.

And I won't let it happen to me.

I am a mentally and physically fit man of 52 years, meaning I have probably 25-30 years left, the last decade or so being one of steady decline, probably. I will not allow myself to be a burden to my family: I will not drain their financial resources, I will not have them wiping my @$$ or giving me toddler's toys to keep me busy. If it comes to it I am checking out on my terms. My family is slowly starting to come to terms with the fact that I am serious about this. And although I have no immediate intention of using it, I've assembled the supplies needed for construction of an exit bag as it seems like the simplest way to go, especially in an impaired mental state. I'll wait a bit to get the gas so that I don't have to worry about it expiring. I certainly hope I never have to use it and I'm doing my best to keep myself mentally and physically healthy. But I will use it if I must.

So the question is how to know it's time. I apologize if this has been covered here, I've poked around and haven't found the answers I'd like. Perhaps the smart people here can help me puzzle this out.

To open the valve the first time I forget something would be a mistake. I suppose a series of symptoms and a formal diagnosis would be something to wait for. But making an exit at that first mention of it would short change me 5+ years of viable, enjoyable, meaningful life. But if one waits until symptoms worsen one risks being incapacitated to the point of being unable to make a rational decision and physically assemble the device and operate it effectively.

I cannot ask anyone to do this for me if I miss my window of opportunity, so it seems better to err conservatively knowing that missing out of a few years of life is better than suffering many years of life as as an undignified vegetable and a burden to my family and others.

Has anyone else pondered this? What are your plans?

 

[ctbUniquectb]

Since there are no other responses yet, and I don't want to botch mine, I'd just like to open with:

Welcome!

 

[autumnal]

The best I would recommend is to read up on the typical progression of dementia, and then once you begin experiencing even the most minor symptoms and get a proper diagnosis from a doctor, ask them about your likely timeframe based upon your particular prognosis. And then take action based upon that. There is always the paradox of going too soon versus leaving it too late, and only you can make that judgement call and juggle the risks involved. But at least knowing first the general and secondly your specific timeframes, that judgement call can be as educated as possible.

 

[autumnal]

Oh and further to my last post, it certainly wouldn't do any harm to have an advanced care directive (medical power of attorney, or whatever else it might be called around the world) in place clearly stating your wishes against treatment. That way if you miss the opportunity to exit on your own initiative, at least aggressive efforts to keep you alive down the track are less likely to occur.

Additionally, for anyone with an interest in learning about dementia I would strongly recommend the two free online courses from the Wicking Dementia Centre. They are totally online-based, but from a proper (Australian) university rather than some dodgy degree mill. I believe anyone in the world can do them and you get a certificate at the end

 

[autumnal]

I am presently watching dementia decimate my mother. Once, she was a strong, opinionated and fiercely independent woman that gave no f*cks when it came to getting things done. To say that she is a shell of her former self is an understatement. It is hard to believe what this dreadful disease has reduced her to: complete mental incompetence, inability to care for herself in anyway, to speak, recall a thing, process even the simplest forms of thought. She spends her day babbling incoherently, wandering an aimless path like a broken Roomba, changing direction at random when she meets an obstacle. She is dependent on her husband for everything, and of course I and my siblings help every bit as much as we can. She started showing signs that something was off a full 10 years ago, more by my estimation. She was very much aware of her disgnosis when it came and knew what was happening and was going to happen up to the point that she didn't. She lost everything about 3 years ago. Aside from a malfunctioning brain, she is healthy as a horse. There is no end in sight. She could linger on for another day or another decade. It is heartbreaking and maddening.

And I won't let it happen to me.

I am a mentally and physically fit man of 52 years, meaning I have probably 25-30 years left, the last decade or so being one of steady decline, probably. I will not allow myself to be a burden to my family: I will not drain their financial resources, I will not have them wiping my @$$ or giving me toddler's toys to keep me busy. If it comes to it I am checking out on my terms. My family is slowly starting to come to terms with the fact that I am serious about this. And although I have no immediate intention of using it, I've assembled the supplies needed for construction of an exit bag as it seems like the simplest way to go, especially in an impaired mental state. I'll wait a bit to get the gas so that I don't have to worry about it expiring. I certainly hope I never have to use it and I'm doing my best to keep myself mentally and physically healthy. But I will use it if I must.

So the question is how to know it's time. I apologize if this has been covered here, I've poked around and haven't found the answers I'd like. Perhaps the smart people here can help me puzzle this out.

To open the valve the first time I forget something would be a mistake. I suppose a series of symptoms and a formal diagnosis would be something to wait for. But making an exit at that first mention of it would short change me 5+ years of viable, enjoyable, meaningful life. But if one waits until symptoms worsen one risks being incapacitated to the point of being unable to make a rational decision and physically assemble the device and operate it effectively.

I cannot ask anyone to do this for me if I miss my window of opportunity, so it seems better to err conservatively knowing that missing out of a few years of life is better than suffering many years of life as as an undignified vegetable and a burden to my family and others.

Has anyone else pondered this? What are your plans?

Incidentally, I was just reading Final Exit and it has a section on this dilemma in Chapter 18. You can find a scanned copy of the book via this board, although I don't recall where it was exactly. Maybe via the resources thread?

 

[autumnal]

Wait, did @Deadlyserious CTB already? His username name is crossed out...

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I watched my grandma suffer with dementia for a long time. My mom might be going that way. I will not let that happen to me at all. I even told my wife if this happens I will end it. She gets it. Btw this is the only thing I told her I would ctb over. She doesn't know about the rest of what's going on in my head or that I have set methods to go at any time.