Time to shut down.

[Braindead Atheist]

My whole life has been a sham.

I found out I have ADHD and Ive always struggled with memory and getting overwhelmed. But because im a complex thinker and can analyze stuff, my parents blame only me for struggling in the work force.

They attribute my bad experiences in the work force with not being put together or being late. They completely ignore my claims about being slow and having no ability to process and retain information. They complain about my venting and say they've heard it before.

So I'm just going to shut down from now on, because I get the same reaction to most other people who aren't on this site. If people don't want to hear it, then I'm done talking and I'm going to start taking action towards ending this nightmare.

I've tried asking for accommodations, taking notes, going to school, taking meds, brain balance, and I even got a job coach. They only can find me temporary jobs and after I finish the schooling they put me through, they can't help me for another 2 years. Without the program, I get bullied and fired at every job I take.

Everyone my age is getting their dream job, getting married, having kids, and graduating. All Im getting is dissapointed. Im an extravert and very social and funny, but Im starting to feel like I have nothing in common with people anymore.

It triggers me to be around all of these sucessful people with average to above average intelligence. And no one believes that Im retarded. OH and I should just be "happy" because suffering is so fun....I'm done with this crap. I'll buy SN as soon as I make my payments...(just another punishment for living) I wish I were either dead or someone else.

 

[Why Me?]

being slow and having no ability to process and retain information.

Yup, I got this problem plus brain fog, severe social anxiety/panic disorder, severe depression, trauma, PTSD, medical problems, and a nightmare circumstance. If I take SN I will definitely vomit it up even after protocol, I only have a brutal method available.

 

[Braindead Atheist]

Yup, I got this problem plus brain fog, severe social anxiety/panic disorder, severe depression, trauma, PTSD, medical problems, and a nightmare circumstance. If I take SN I will definitely vomit it up even after protocol, I only have a brutal method available.

It depends on how much you meds you take to keep that from happening. Just take an excessive amount and you'll be fine. I have olanzipine readily available. I've been saving up a bunch of doses for when I ctb. I fucking hate it here.

 

[mondaymornings]

So I'm just going to shut down from now on

As someone who also deals with the unfortunate reality of ADHD, and has been shut down pretty much as long as I can remember, it's not something I can say I recommend.
Though I suppose if you plan on ctb anyway it shouldn't matter. I'm sorry things got to this point, it sounds exhausting.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that it's for the best to not open up about our suffering to others, as people really can be so insensitive with how they invalidate what other people go through and of course they cannot understand as they are unable to experience life in the same way. But the reality is that life really is so unnecessarily cruel and there could never be anything fair about existing in a world where people suffer all through no fault of their own. I wish you the best, I understand that it can be awful being trapped in a situation that you hate.

 

[It'sMyLife]

You're definitely not retarded or brain dead. Give yourself a break here. You write well and see things on multiple levels. I totally understand the memory problems and seeing peers succeed and have families. It all seems to come together for them and I'm not saying it came effortlessly. They worked but it somehow never seemed to be available for me. And yet they're still my friends which I don't understand for sure
May I ask your approximate age? If you're at least 21 then just f'ng plan to leave. Find some work somewhere for the summer in glacier national park or something. I knew a girl who went to Alaska and harvested weed for a couple of years. I was going to college out of high school and was totally unprepared for it and I stopped going after a couple of years. I'd always wanted to work with neon signs and said fuck it- and found a school in Virginia for it. That was in 94 and I'm still doing it at 58. Yes , once again I've seen others come into the field and just roll with it which bothers me at times but then they have all of the headaches too. I do what I can and work in my own shop with my own equipment and schedule. I'm not getting rich but I also don't have to work with others directly - usually. Ok I hope something I said helps you. Before ctb' ing think about just saying fuck it and going crazy is what I guess I'm trying to tell you. Signing off for now

 

[Unending]

Seeing other people live a totally different and less painful experience can definitely make you feel isolated. I really empathize with that as it is a terrible thing to go through. I hope you find peace in whatever way you're able to and am sorry you're struggling so much.

 

[Braindead Atheist]

You're definitely not retarded or brain dead. Give yourself a break here. You write well and see things on multiple levels. I totally understand the memory problems and seeing peers succeed and have families. It all seems to come together for them and I'm not saying it came effortlessly. They worked but it somehow never seemed to be available for me. And yet they're still my friends which I don't understand for sure
May I ask your approximate age? If you're at least 21 then just f'ng plan to leave. Find some work somewhere for the summer in glacier national park or something. I knew a girl who went to Alaska and harvested weed for a couple of years. I was going to college out of high school and was totally unprepared for it and I stopped going after a couple of years. I'd always wanted to work with neon signs and said fuck it- and found a school in Virginia for it. That was in 94 and I'm still doing it at 58. Yes , once again I've seen others come into the field and just roll with it which bothers me at times but then they have all of the headaches too. I do what I can and work in my own shop with my own equipment and schedule. I'm not getting rich but I also don't have to work with others directly - usually. Ok I hope something I said helps you. Before ctb' ing think about just saying fuck it and going crazy is what I guess I'm trying to tell you. Signing off for now

I'm 23 and will be 24 in a few months. I've been in that 'fuck everything' mode since I was 13. I tried to censor things, ignore impulses, behave, fit in. Etc when I was young and it just felt so restricted. I stopped caring after the principal and nun at the private elementary school bullied me. Btw It was because I used art to cope with the stress of processing issues. My talent was what got me bullied.
I did work super hard in high-school and college, but its gotten me nowhere. If I could go back in time, id tell myself to stop dreaming of being a top designer or really stop having any dreams at all.

This is my fault for listening to the "gifts and talents" lecture people liked to throw at me. I ignored my retardation and assumed it wouldn't matter if I was really that good at art/design. In the real world, it's hard to make money off of art and most of the high demand jobs require a bachelors.

Well Im a few semesters short of an Associates and have no money left. Besides, even IF I COULD get a job, most jobs don't tolerate my level of memory and processing issues. I don't see any point in trying anymore.

What I went through was all for nothing and my hard work was a waste of time. I'm done pushing past trauma and continuing to try. Grit is for people who have the abilities and resources to succeed. I'm tired of trying to make something work that was never going to.