Thursday is my day

[Wrennie]

Thank you so much. I'm done trying. Done hoping.

I'm being strong to her.

Inside I'm destroyed.

Friday it is.

Will be here until then.

If you ever need someone to vent to, I'm always here.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Your pain is valid and I'm so sorry that the people in your life have hurt, betrayed & driven you toward entertaining CTB.

You shouldn't have to be the one to shoulder the burdens of their cruelty. In fact, you shouldn't have to be in this situation at all. You deserved far better than what this life has thrust upon you.

Even if you've lost all will to carry on, I'll still cling to the possibility of things potentially looking up for you. It's the least that I can do.

 

[Hatari]

If you ever need someone to vent to, I'm always here.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts. Your pain is valid and I'm so sorry that the people in your life have hurt, betrayed & driven you toward entertaining CTB.

You shouldn't have to be the one to shoulder the burdens of their cruelty. In fact, you shouldn't have to be in this situation at all. You deserved far better than what this life has thrust upon you.

Even if you've lost all will to carry on, I'll still cling to the possibility of things potentially looking up for you. It's the least that I can do.

Thanks so much for your kind words and for your patience as I am all over the place.

There is ONE option left for me, and I know what to do.

I should have left last week.

My FINAL stupid mistake.

Actually, F IT.

Tomorrow.

I don't need any more practice, I just need to do it.

I'm going tomorrow.

I want out.

I want peace.

The stronger I am to her, the worse I feel.

Why couldn't she have just left?

Why couldn't she have just been honest?

Goodbye.

Tomorrow at noon.

I have a flight across the rainbow bridge to catch.

 

[Death is beautiful]

Are you planning this tomorrow or Friday? May I ask for the details of your CTB? What is your method?

 

[Hatari]

Final rehearsals went well. I know how this works, I've done tons of research, Just had to set things up again.

This dude who ripped the job out from under me is ignoring me now, and can't even pay me back the $60 I spent in travel expenses.

Let's talk after 6 he says. Go f yourself you little prick. I was SO STUPID to think I could rely on you again.

Too embarrassed to even think of calling the other job I passed up.

All set. This is my last day.

I'm done trying, and at peace with my decision.

My cats will be cared for, and I really don't GAF if this is "making her win."

I want peace. I deserve peace.

Noon tomorrow.

Are you planning this tomorrow or Friday? May I ask for the details of your CTB? What is your method?

PM me.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

You do deserve peace.

I'm so sorry thinks continue to go downhill, Hatari.

 

[Arot]

I'll come back here tomorrow to check if you're gone or you're still here with us. Whatever decision you make, I sincerely hope you can find peace.

 

[Foresight]

I'm sorry Hatari. I respect what you're going through and how you feel.

 

[Hatari]

Update.

Still here.

Decided to fight on, for now.

Secured at least a sales-based position with the said boss, so at least it's SOMETHING, and I have a recruiter I know working on my behalf.

For now, I am channeling my sadness and anger into something positive.

I emailed my "ex-roommate" last night, asking her to zele me $100 for staying here this week and to let me know when she will be moving out this weekend.

Her response? Crickets.

Well, except for leaving a print-out of a credit card bill in name. A credit card we used to vet expenses for our cats.

A credit card in her name.

I always gave her money for our bills, and she paid them since most were in her name. This card was such a bill.

At any rate, one has nothing to do with another.

She's still back late, leaves early.

No other communication.

I went out of my way to tell her son, MY son, that things might get ugly but that it has nothing to do with him and that he is to remain out of it, and not to get involved. He agreed and we hugged.

She can't run forever.

She also can't live here forever.

Worst exit strategy ever.

Somehow, this gave me the will to fight on.

At least for now.

 

[Somber]

No single person is worth to die for except in pursuit of saving them.

The end of one relationship opens up the opportunity for another after sufficient time has passed to grief.

Leave the past to memories.
Now focus on those things you need to do to put your life back on track.
You'll know when it's time to look for the future.

You can do it. Best of luck.

 

[Hatari]

No single person is worth to die for except in pursuit of saving them.

The end of one relationship opens up the opportunity for another after sufficient time has passed to grief.

Leave the past to memories.
Now focus on those things you need to do to put your life back on track.
You'll know when it's time to look for the future.

You can do it. Best of luck.

I can't guarantee I won't slip or want to go, and the plan is THERE for me to go literally at any time I want, but this whole email ignoring debacle has somehow given me the strength to fight on.

For now at least.

 

[Hatari]

Going to go next Friday. One more week and I'm done. I can't.

I won. She moved out with her tail between her legs.

I just don't want to start over. So I'm going.

One week from today.

No more turning back.

 

[Hatari]

I'll keep in touch over the next week.

Sorry for the back and forth.

Now that I've won over my emotionally abusive former roommate, I've decided to relax another week and then I'll be off.

That's what I want. I'm done fighting.

 

[Foresight]

The back and forth is fine, it's the biggest decision we can make.

 

[Hatari]

The back and forth is fine, it's the biggest decision we can make.

I may finally be at peace. After 5+ years of emotional abuse, and 3+ years of wanting to exit, I was finally able to see her in defeat. Yes, the best revenge is to live the best life you can, but I DESERVE this. I DESERVED to see her stressed, sad, sniffling last night, rushing so much to get out of here, to avoid the truth of her actions, that she literally left half of her belongings behind. I DESERVED to see her son's GF attempt to make me out to be the bad guy, only to serve to make herself look even more foolish having not even close to the TRUE story.

After rushing out, the three of them walked out together, and I stood in the bedroom, not even giving her the satisfaction of being able to walk out on me.

So, she is out of my life forever. Defeated, found out, exposed as an abuser and a cheater. Rushing out in the middle of the night, unable to face me and the guilt of her actions. Too stupid and stubborn to realize the error of her ways. So convinced she is right that she has everyone around her believing her lies.

I woke up this morning, feeling relieved, and tired.

Am I grieving?

Yes.

I am grieving the time lost.

I am grieving the years wasted.

Most of all, I am at peace.

It was then that I knew for sure.

No more fighting.

It's time to go.

Friday, 1/28/22.

No more delays.

 

[Shu]

I may finally be at peace. After 5+ years of emotional abuse, and 3+ years of wanting to exit, I was finally able to see her in defeat. Yes, the best revenge is to live the best life you can, but I DESERVE this. I DESERVED to see her stressed, sad, sniffling last night, rushing so much to get out of here, to avoid the truth of her actions, that she literally left half of her belongings behind. I DESERVED to see her son's GF attempt to make me out to be the bad guy, only to serve to make herself look even more foolish having not even close to the TRUE story.

After rushing out, the three of them walked out together, and I stood in the bedroom, not even giving her the satisfaction of being able to walk out on me.

So, she is out of my life forever. Defeated, found out, exposed as an abuser and a cheater. Rushing out in the middle of the night, unable to face me and the guilt of her actions. Too stupid and stubborn to realize the error of her ways. So convinced she is right that she has everyone around her believing her lies.

I woke up this morning, feeling relieved, and tired.

Am I grieving?

Yes.

I am grieving the time lost.

I am grieving the years wasted.

Most of all, I am at peace.

It was then that I knew for sure.

No more fighting.

It's time to go.

Friday, 1/28/22.

No more delays.

We are holding space for you bud.

 

[Hatari]

Can't wait.

To be truly free.

 

[steviewonder]

My thoughts are with you Hatari <3

 

[calathea]

Such a hard situation. I can relate to the back and forward - it's only natural! One day at a time.

 

[Axll12345]

@Hatari are you still looking for a partner? Do you have N?

 

[Hatari]

@Hatari are you still looking for a partner? Do you have N?

PM me.

 

[Hatari]

Having the most peaceful weekend I've had in years and years.

I have the place to myself and have thrown out that massive amounts of stuff she left behind.

I rearranged the furniture.

I turned what was once her kid's room into my office and media room.

I am at peace.

After all, I wasn't the one who cheated.

I wasn't the one who ignored me for 5 years.

I wasn't the one who didn't try.

I was, however, the one who caught you.

Who exposed you.

Who made sure you knew that I KNEW.

It's safe to say I won.

The final victory was snatched by me at the closing bell.

I kicked her out, and she ran, tail between her legs, leaving all her kitchen stuff behind save for a few appliances.

All that being said, I am still going this Friday, 1/28.

This took all the fight out of me.

I'm exhausted, but at peace with my decision.

Rehearsals resume this coming Weds.

I've done all I could.

Now, with a peaceful mind, and a dead heart.

I am off to the next plane.

I am ready.

 

[Wrennie]

Having the most peaceful weekend I've had in years and years.

I have the place to myself and have thrown out that massive amounts of stuff she left behind.

I rearranged the furniture.

I turned what was once her kid's room into my office and media room.

I am at peace.

After all, I wasn't the one who cheated.

I wasn't the one who ignored me for 5 years.

I wasn't the one who didn't try.

I was, however, the one who caught you.

Who exposed you.

Who made sure you knew that I KNEW.

It's safe to say I won.

The final victory was snatched by me at the closing bell.

I kicked her out, and she ran, tail between her legs, leaving all her kitchen stuff behind save for a few appliances.

All that being said, I am still going this Friday, 1/28.

This took all the fight out of me.

I'm exhausted, but at peace with my decision.

Rehearsals resume this coming Weds.

I've done all I could.

Now, with a peaceful mind, and a dead heart.

I am off to the next plane.

I am ready.

I'm so sorry I couldn't be of any help to you, but I get it. I truly do. Sometimes there's nothing you can say to heal a person's wounds. I know that is the case for myself, personally. I wish you could continue to stay here with us, and I'm sorry life appears to be giving you no other choice. Much love. You're always welcome here, no matter what you decide.

 

[Hatari]

I'm so sorry I couldn't be of any help to you, but I get it. I truly do. Sometimes there's nothing you can say to heal a person's wounds. I know that is the case for myself, personally. I wish you could continue to stay here with us, and I'm sorry life appears to be giving you no other choice. Much love. You're always welcome here, no matter what you decide.

Thank you so much. I am surrounded by friends, family, and people that love me, but I am overwhelmed with the desire to just.....go.

Now that I have won, and have sent her packing, too scared to face me, too ashamed to admit she was wrong, too filled with guilt to face what she did, I have rid myself of all the negativity in my life.

Seems a perfect time to go. Not to escape anyone. Not to run from being in trouble.

I just don't want to be here anymore.
That being said, the amount of stuff she left behind during her escape from her guilt is astounding.

Makeup, cooking stuff, baking stuff, clothes, hair stuff, on and on and on, I've packed it into 5+ boxes and am amazed at what I am still finding. Mail, it just goes on and on.

Would you do that if you were innocent?

SHEESH

 

[angiegirl30]

I know you don't know me. I'm new here. I'm sorry you have gone through all that you have. You deserve peace and happiness. But for whatever reason I don't want you to go. I understand wanting to not go on. I'm fighting that feeling right now. It's your decision but I wanted you to know that there is someone out here wanting you to stay awhile longer.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Thank you so much. I am surrounded by friends, family, and people that love me, but I am overwhelmed with the desire to just.....go.

Now that I have won, and have sent her packing, too scared to face me, too ashamed to admit she was wrong, too filled with guilt to face what she did, I have rid myself of all the negativity in my life.

Seems a perfect time to go. Not to escape anyone. Not to run from being in trouble.

I just don't want to be here anymore.
That being said, the amount of stuff she left behind during her escape from her guilt is astounding.

Makeup, cooking stuff, baking stuff, clothes, hair stuff, on and on and on, I've packed it into 5+ boxes and am amazed at what I am still finding. Mail, it just goes on and on.

Would you do that if you were innocent?

SHEESH

Hey, at least you got closure on that part of your life. Well done.

 

[Ashu]

Update:

I am delaying until Monday, thanks to a few developments.

1. My old boss from a few years ago offered to give me my job back for great money, he'd pay for my commute (since she took the car) and offered to help me pay rent this month so I won't lose my home.
2. I found strength I didn't know I had and coldly and unemotionally told her she either needed to move out of MY apartment or pay me weekly rent. She claims to be out by next weekend, and her son (who I still love) will be moving out on his own, so she will be all alone!
3. A friend of mine connected me with a therapist who I will hopefully speak to this afternoon. I would need intensive therapy if I am to carry on.

Will I miss her? No, I can't stand her and cannot wait to have my bachelor's life back.

Can't exactly miss someone who hasn't touched you in 5 years, hasn't slept in your bed for 3, and who was indifferent to your pleads to work on things, and only stayed because she couldn't afford to move?

Well, you're found out, and now you'll be all alone.

Going to meet with my old/new boss Sunday, so will see how that goes.

Often, the shock of being driven to the verge pushes us to a new level of insight, and opens our eyes to possibilities that would not have been possible before - another reason to recognize the freedom to choose: those who have freely chosen death are also capable of freely choosing life, which normal people never really do, and of living it with a greater than normal appreciation.

 

[Hatari]

I know you don't know me. I'm new here. I'm sorry you have gone through all that you have. You deserve peace and happiness. But for whatever reason I don't want you to go. I understand wanting to not go on. I'm fighting that feeling right now. It's your decision but I wanted you to know that there is someone out here wanting you to stay awhile longer.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Feel free to PM me if you wanted to talk this week.

Hey, at least you got closure on that part of your life. Well done.

Yes indeed. I will forever be proud of myself for FINALLY being strong, standing up to her, calling her out on her cheating and abuse, and kicking her TF out of my home. I had the strength I never knew I had, and she left scared, defeated, and sad. She deserved it.

 

[angiegirl30]

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Feel free to PM me if you wanted to talk this week.

Yes indeed. I will forever be proud of myself for FINALLY being strong, standing up to her, calling her out on her cheating and abuse, and kicking her TF out of my home. I had the strength I never knew I had, and she left scared, defeated, and sad. She deserved it.

I'd love to PM you but I don't think I've posted enough yet. The link is not working for it.

 

[Z-bar]

I'm going.

This Thursday.

Fought this for years. Can't fight anymore.

My now ex gf cheated, denied it, called me a liar, called my old boss to make me look stupid, and now I have nowhere to go and no one. She stopped loving me years ago.

Going to go.

Thursday.

Rope. Closet.

The pain is too much.

Time to be out of pain.
I was strong tonite and told her it was done and I couldn't take her ignoring me anymore.

I can't afford this place.

Can't afford to move.

But I can afford to go.

Just fade away.

No more pain.

I understand things coming to a peak and feeling there's no way out or there's no going back. If it's your time it's your time, just make sure it's not done on impulse or especially over some chick that doesn't know your worth.
I always try to put myself in others position, I wouldn't want that girl to be able to even think it was done because of her so she can feel sorry for herself or make herself or others think she was that important.

Coming from a lot of unstability myself, including being homeless, I know the feeling of having to start from scratch. I'm still in it myself. The hopelessness is overpowering.
You'd get the best revenge by turning this around and yes it may be difficult, but you can do it.
No matter what you choose. I hope you find peace.

 

[Hatari]

Well, folks.....I'm still here.

Still fighting.

I'm also going to try and stick around.

Some developments since last I updated you all:

• I started therapy on Monday night, and my church is helping me cover the costs until I can cover them myself. I can't tell you how helpful that was, even after one session.
• I've been on two interviews and have two job offers, one of which I accepted. I have the potential of four job offers by Friday for even more money. The job I did accept is something I can take the bus to, so it's not too far at all, and I can keep my apartment, my cats, and even keep feeding the strays that show up to my back door.
• I'm starting to feel REALLY happy that she is gone, and REALLY proud of myself for the way I got so strong and stood up to her in the end and kicked her out, scared, with her tails between her legs.
• The only "catch" is that, in her haste to run away from me in her shame, she left more than half her stuff behind. Boxes upon boxes of bathroom stuff, hair stuff, makeup, 10 pair of shoes/sneakers, clothes, it goes on and on. Even her spare pair of glasses, her favorite recipe books, would you do that if you were innocent and not running away from your guilt. I was going through a bedroom closet and found a hidden folder. She even took out a credit card in 2020 with a $3,600 limit. This was the same person who always cried poverty, always criticized every penny I ever spent, and always complained that we never had any money for anything beyond bills and rent. Last year when one of my cats needed an expensive tooth extraction, I had to raise the money myself when all along she had these credit cards that we could have used and I would have helped to pay off. Just made me happier she was gone ALL THE MORE. What else did she lie about?

So there you have it. At the moment I write this, I feel peace, tranquility, and sheer joy at the thought that I rid myself of this massive weight on my shoulders. She's the one who ran off scared, defeated, caught, and without a home of her own, likely hiding out at her son's horrible gf's home.

I should end my life for that disaster of a person?

Like my friend told me: "She lost the battle, and the war, and you should be proud of how you rid yourself of her. She blew it, big time, and will mess up again, trust me."

Thanks for bearing with me folks.

I'm fighting on. Not for her, but for me.

And my cats.