PurpleMorality
Questioning
- Mar 31, 2024
- 22
Exactly what the title says. I want to kill myself because my girlfriend and metamours are angry at me for reasons that, frankly, are entirely justified. It's so stupid and petty. I don't have any great reason for wanting to ctb, other than to I guess avoid the consequences for my own actions. I'm not doing enough to take care of my physical health and it's upsetting them. Oh, boohoo. I'm pathetic and gross and I keep apologizing and saying I'll do better, but I don't ever end up actually doing better.
I just can't help but feel that everyone's lives would be better off without me. Oh, they'd grieve and be sad for a while, but they'd get over it. I wouldn't be here to drag them down.
I relapsed from years clean of self injury, cutting. As one of my metamours told me, "[I'm] not 15 anymore," I'm an adult and I should be over this sort of thing.
It's so stupid. I'm an adult in my 30's, cutting myself and feeling sorry for myself and wanting to kill myself because my girlfriend is mad at me like I'm some fucking teenager again.
I don't know what to do. I'm just disgusted with myself. I should have a better reason to want to die.
The worst part is I'm a selfish hypocrite. I desperately want to die and think everyone would be better off without me, but when my girlfriend wants to kill herself I find myself desperately trying to talk her out of it, even though she has much better reasons than I do. I'm so fucking selfish, I want her to live even when she's miserable, meanwhile the slightest thing happens to me and I think I should get to die about it? Yeah, THAT'S fair.
I don't even know why I'm posting this. It's nothing profound or meaningful. It's just a petty little pity party for myself.
I just can't help but feel that everyone's lives would be better off without me. Oh, they'd grieve and be sad for a while, but they'd get over it. I wouldn't be here to drag them down.
I relapsed from years clean of self injury, cutting. As one of my metamours told me, "[I'm] not 15 anymore," I'm an adult and I should be over this sort of thing.
It's so stupid. I'm an adult in my 30's, cutting myself and feeling sorry for myself and wanting to kill myself because my girlfriend is mad at me like I'm some fucking teenager again.
I don't know what to do. I'm just disgusted with myself. I should have a better reason to want to die.
The worst part is I'm a selfish hypocrite. I desperately want to die and think everyone would be better off without me, but when my girlfriend wants to kill herself I find myself desperately trying to talk her out of it, even though she has much better reasons than I do. I'm so fucking selfish, I want her to live even when she's miserable, meanwhile the slightest thing happens to me and I think I should get to die about it? Yeah, THAT'S fair.
I don't even know why I'm posting this. It's nothing profound or meaningful. It's just a petty little pity party for myself.
