Discussion Thoughts on dying before experiencing love?

[GongLiFang]

So, I think there will be others that will relate to this but, I have had zero romantic or sexual experiences in my life.
I was raised thinking that someday I would find a good long term relationship, and due to circumstances that wasn't able to happen and at this point it obviously isn't feasible because well, I am in this headspace and need to die soon. I know for some people these things aren't really important so it wouldn't be that much of a concern but I can't help but wonder if maybe I have missed out on at least a few interesting experiences. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to share intimate moments with someone I trust or even just go on a date knowing that person is genuinely interested in me. What is it like to feel emotionally and physically close to someone? Would I have liked it as much as I might think I would? How long could I make a relationship last? What is it like to really live with someone? Is love and sex actually that great or are people just hyping it up? Does being in a relationship actually help with long term happiness given it is healthy?

I don't know man, I have very few regrets in life but this has to be one of the few. I kind of wish before I became a shut in that I at least tried a relationship once or twice just to have made my own opinions on it. But instead I will just have to make piece with the fact I only interact with these things through stories and art. Either way once I am dead I won't really be able to think about it. But sometimes it makes me think "maybe I can just live a little longer and see what it is all about???" but then I remember my life situation plus all the other garbage in this world and accept my fate.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm in a similar boat and I've struggled with coping every single day. Dateless, kissless virgin at 28 years old. What a joke I am! I've been told before that this status alone is a literal red flag which I agree with and it means no sane person should ever want to be with me and I have yet to be able to counter that point.

It's gotten so bad that I'm aware that my lack of experience is only digging me deeper and that even if someone was willing to give me a chance, to indulge in this thing that my stupid human biology was wired to crave would be cruel on my part because I'd be guaranteed to hurt them in some way. I don't know about you, but as much as I whine and moan about being perpetually lonely, I realize that this is the only way to prevent myself from subjecting some poor woman to the cruel fate of ever being with someone as deplorable as me.

 

[GongLiFang]

I'm in a similar boat and I've struggled with coping every single day. Dateless, kissless virgin at 28 years old. What a joke! I've been told before that this status alone is a literal red flag which means so sane person should ever want to be with me and I have yet to be able to counter that point.

It's gotten so bad that I'm aware that my lack of experience is only digging me deeper and that even if someone was willing to give me a chance, to indulge in this thing that my stupid human biology was wired to crave would be cruel on my part because I'd be guaranteed to hurt them in some way. I don't know about you, but as much as I whine and moan about being perpetually lonely, I realize that this is the only way to prevent myself from subjecting some poor woman to the cruel fate of ever being with someone as deplorable as me.

Right, there is that too! People get more and more weirded out if you get older and don't have experience. I know for me it might be less odd as a woman because that is more expected by some people I guess but at the same time I get worried because I haven't developed the skill of knowing who is worth the time and trust versus who is not. So it is the endless downward spiral of no experience -> less interactions -> no experience and so on so forth.
I take the smallest amount of reassurance though that at least dying will allow me to avoid all the crappy dating experiences average people have to go through before having a good relationship. I also don't have to risk meeting someone who might be dangerous so yay I guess?

 

[Deathinminutes]

The right one will lift you up no matter your feelings or situation. This is undeniable. If you're strong enough to ctb then you're strong enough to be patient and find that person.

 

[GongLiFang]

The right one will lift you up no matter your feelings or situation. This is undeniable. If you're strong enough to ctb then you're strong enough to be patient and find that person.

I never thought about things like that before

 

[Darkover]

I think of going to the Grave without having a Psychedelic Experience is like going to the Grave without ever having Sex. It means that you never Figured out what it is all about. The Mystery is in the Body and the way the Body Works itself into Nature.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

The right one will lift you up no matter your feelings or situation. This is undeniable. If you're strong enough to ctb then you're strong enough to be patient and find that person.

Too bad we already have hard evidence to the contrary:

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...gave-you-hope-ends-up-not-being-enough.90003/

If anyone says that "obviously it's different for everyone" then it's inevitable that there will be still be some people that this approach would never be able to work for though I guess in that case it's important to be sure which category you fall under, whether this method for gaining hope works or not.

 

[Achlys]

When I was young, I decided against entering a relationship until I was happy—I'd rather not burden another and chain them down with my pain, after all. The few times anyone has expressed interest in me romantically, I've declined in part on the basis of this principle. With the way my life appears to be going, however, I'll likely leave this world before I can find happiness, and thus before permitting myself to love.

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

I hate to break it to you, but what people call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to share intimate moments with someone I trust or even just go on a date knowing that person is genuinely interested in me. What is it like to feel emotionally and physically close to someone? Would I have liked it as much as I might think I would? How long could I make a relationship last? What is it like to really live with someone? Is love and sex actually that great or are people just hyping it up? Does being in a relationship actually help with long term happiness given it is healthy?

This is just my opinion, but I do think that, yes, you would have liked it. With the right person or at least a decent person (if you could find one). On the other hand, with the wrong person, a toxic, manipulative, emotionally abusive person, or an addict deep in their addiction... well... you would not have liked it (to say the least). It can be really difficult to tell what someone is like on the front end, but generally at least part of it (the earliest part) will be great regardless. I do think being in a healthy relationship can help with long term happiness. I am sorry you didn't have a chance to try it out. I think it is understandable and normal to have that as a regret even if your CTB is for a different reason.

 

[kosameAmagai]

the closest to an relationship i had was e-dating with an girl for like 6 months, we were very close and used to spend a lot of time together, but she just started to treat me like shit after and it kinda ruined me i really wish i could find someone that would love me in the same way i do for them

 

[MicropBaldCurrycel]

the closest to an relationship i had was e-dating with an girl for like 6 months, we were very close and used to spend a lot of time together, but she just started to treat me like shit after and it kinda ruined me i really wish i could find someone that would love me in the same way i do for them

 

[kosameAmagai]

lmao

 

[itsallover]

I have become basically asexual after all of my failed, horrible relationships as I don't even look at pornography, masturbate anymore, or check anyone out when I am outside and considering the divorce rate in the world I don't think you are missing anything great.

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

I hate to break it to you, but what people call love is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed.

Bingo

And for the sexually active it fades very quickly

It's a nice feeling but it doesn't last

 

[lofticries]

As terrible as this sounds I just want the sex not the romance.

Love means you have to expose yourself and be vulnerable emotionally. As a very private person that sounds terrifying. Also my emotions are constantly all over the place every day. I refuse to drag someone down into the darkness with me. Nor do I want any more guilt about ctb.

 

[Marktheghost]

I haven't developed the skill of knowing who is worth the time and trust versus who is not.

Is there a skill of knowing who is worth the time and trust versus who is not (without spending at least 6 months getting to know them first)?

If there is, I didn't even know such a skill exists!

 

[Cosmic dust]

Right, there is that too! People get more and more weirded out if you get older and don't have experience. I know for me it might be less odd as a woman because that is more expected by some people I guess but at the same time I get worried because I haven't developed the skill of knowing who is worth the time and trust versus who is not. So it is the endless downward spiral of no experience -> less interactions -> no experience and so on so forth.

You described what I wanted to say. I would just add that less interactions results in less social skills and more social anxiety, so its even hard to make interactions positive.

This cycle of loneliness is very hard to break and this also applies to social life in general, the more lonely a person is, the less likely she is to have good interactions, to make friends, to get included. Maybe I can make another thread to talk about this, since I am going a bit off topic.

This is probably going to sound silly and stupid for some, that don't think its a big deal, but those are the main reasons I am there. Nothing seems to be fun anymore, a whole life of rejection, frustration and exacerbated isolation weared me off to the point of SI.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

I've had love like 8 years ago, but not since. All of my other relationships have been shit where I have either been cat fished or led on. Granted those have been LDRs, which I prefer since I don't even relate to people irl.

I would love to experience it again, but idk if that'd even save me at this point. I actually forgot what it's like to be someone's #1, so for all intents and purposes I feel like I have never loved.

Although, no one should get attached to me. I can't even promise i'll be alive by the end of the week.

 

[FuneralCry]

If you think you love something, it is just something to lose and eventually cause you more pain, so experiencing love (whatever that means), cannot be a good thing. In this life it seems that anything positive will just lead to more suffering. It does not matter what we experience in our lives as all life is so temporary and meaningless after all, we will all eventually die and be forgotten about. There is no point to living.

 

[sourokraandfish]

it makes me incredibly sad. I just want to have a strong bond with someone.

 

[GongLiFang]

When I was young, I decided against entering a relationship until I was happy—I'd rather not burden another and chain them down with my pain, after all. The few times anyone has expressed interest in me romantically, I've declined in part on the basis of this principle. With the way my life appears to be going, however, I'll likely leave this world before I can find happiness, and thus before permitting myself to love.

I feel like if I wasn't such a house hermit I would do the same thing and this is part of the many reasons that I don't even want to try at this point because I know I would make it an unfair relationship with all of my pessimism and baggage.

This is just my opinion, but I do think that, yes, you would have liked it. With the right person or at least a decent person (if you could find one). On the other hand, with the wrong person, a toxic, manipulative, emotionally abusive person, or an addict deep in their addiction... well... you would not have liked it (to say the least). It can be really difficult to tell what someone is like on the front end, but generally at least part of it (the earliest part) will be great regardless. I do think being in a healthy relationship can help with long term happiness. I am sorry you didn't have a chance to try it out. I think it is understandable and normal to have that as a regret even if your CTB is for a different reason.

That is true, I could have missed out on a lot of fun but also a lot of pain. I guess that is pretty on par with a lot of other aspects of life anyways. But I am glad to see that this isn't completely left field to regret and I can CTB with that peace of mind.

As terrible as this sounds I just want the sex not the romance.

Love means you have to expose yourself and be vulnerable emotionally. As a very private person that sounds terrifying. Also my emotions are constantly all over the place every day. I refuse to drag someone down into the darkness with me. Nor do I want any more guilt about ctb.

I think a lot of people can relate to this, I probably not to the same degree but it is true that the actual relationship is way more scary, difficult, and sacrifice than just the physical connection with someone. But even though I can see there is a difference actually going out there and doing either one is so scary for me. Anyways, I don't think it sounds terrible, it seems like a normal thought or desire to have. Heck, even non suicidal people feel the same way and avoid emotionally invested relationships anyways as well.

Is there a skill of knowing who is worth the time and trust versus who is not (without spending at least 6 months getting to know them first)?

If there is, I didn't even know such a skill exists!

That is true, that you really need to see a lot of different sides of someone for an extended period of time to really understand their character. But at the same time I guess I mean I don't even know what kind of relationship would be good for me...if that makes sense? Like you need experiences to know what kind of people work well with you and make the best partner and I don't have that ability. Also, I don't know how to tell a creep from a normal person so I am scared of that too, being small and gullible makes me more susceptible to unwanted outcomes. Anyways, I get what you are saying and maybe there isn't any skill and I am making assumptions about a topic I admittedly know nothing about so who really cares at this point.

it makes me incredibly sad. I just want to have a strong bond with someone.

Yeah, this basically sums up the feelings of my long winded post. I feel you :, (

 

[lostontheroad]

Lol love is a facade and a myth. A silly neurochemical reaction in the brain. People just use each other in relationships to fulfill each other's needs/wants. Soon as the going gets rough, the rough get going. People are always looking for the next best thing and "love" isn't enough when one of the parties needs aren't being met. Sex is good though lol

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Lol love is a facade and a myth. A silly neurochemical reaction in the brain. People just use each other in relationships to fulfill each other's needs/wants. Soon as the going gets rough, the rough get going. People are always looking for the next best thing and "love" isn't enough when one of the parties needs aren't being met. Sex is good though lol

That is based and some kind of pilled What the heck?!?

 

[lostontheroad]

That is based and black pilled. What the heck?!?

Lol how is it black pilled? It has nothing to do with gender at all. People are selfish creatures by nature. Do you deny this? That's why like 70% of marriages don't last. People are always ready to drop a person for the next best thing when they no longer meet their needs.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Lol how is it black pilled? It has nothing to do with gender at all. People are selfish creatures by nature. Do you deny this? That's why like 70% of marriages don't last. People are always ready to drop a person for the next best thing when they no longer meet their needs.

Well imo marriage is overrated anyways. You shouldn't need a paper or a label for love. And yeah, everyone is selfish, the only variable being to what extent. However, idk if i would go THAT far.

 

[GongLiFang]

Lol how is it black pilled? It has nothing to do with gender at all. People are selfish creatures by nature. Do you deny this? That's why like 70% of marriages don't last. People are always ready to drop a person for the next best thing when they no longer meet their needs.

I would agree that lots of people are selfish, however, my family tree is littered with successful long term relationships/marriages that have lasted decades and are still counting. I am not saying that love isn't chemicals or people aren't inherently selfish because I think they are. But it is within possibility to have a good relationship that has romance, connection, sex, and a solid loyal bond and this is why I have this worry/regret.
I am not sure why I am responding because our different views on this subject are what I asked for. And yet, for some reason I felt like I just wanted to explain where my opinion comes from and why this was a concern for me in the first place (and might be for others too).

 

[fillthevoid]

I feel like there is no black and white answer to this because love is a feeling that is experienced, and each persons experience will be different. For me, there is nothing like it. It is the best feeling in the world. But you must understand that to feel this way and experience that fully means opening yourself to be entirely vulnerable and being open.. and this can lead to very very intense pain if things do not work out, if they hurt you or get hurt. It is definitely one of the greater pleasures that life has to offer, in my experience. But I found that there is no great mystery... I remember falling falling in love for the first time feeling exactly as I expected it to. It is amazing, starting with a wild, fun, exciting period of life for the first several months, followed by stability and safety as the relationship advances. And I'm sure it continues to develop and change as you either grow with your partner, or you will go your seperate ways. For me, unfortunately it never got that far as mental illness along with other factors heightening the situation prevented a stable relationship from being possible for any length of time. But the feelings were very real and it was a very fulfilling and 'right' feeling. I wouldn't be very interested in sex with somebody I didn't care about. But with someone you love and trust fully it can be an incredible feeling, not just physically but emotionally.. Just very freeing at times, and at times very soothing. Like the the best cuddle.

I'm glad I got to experience it. But at the same time, I also still wish I had CBT-ed years ago before then, because the pain experienced during this time still wasn't worth it ultimately, no matter how amazing it it may feel when in the thick of love. I would trade it all to take back the pain and have CBT-ed when I had the chance.

 

[GongLiFang]

I feel like there is no black and white answer to this because love is a feeling that is experienced, and each persons experience will be different. For me, there is nothing like it. It is the best feeling in the world. But you must understand that to feel this way and experience that fully means opening yourself to be entirely vulnerable and being open.. and this can lead to very very intense pain if things do not work out, if they hurt you or get hurt. It is definitely one of the greater pleasures that life has to offer, in my experience. But I found that there is no great mystery... I remember falling falling in love for the first time feeling exactly as I expected it to. It is amazing, starting with a wild, fun, exciting period of life for the first several months, followed by stability and safety as the relationship advances. And I'm sure it continues to develop and change as you either grow with your partner, or you will go your seperate ways. For me, unfortunately it never got that far as mental illness along with other factors heightening the situation prevented a stable relationship from being possible for any length of time. But the feelings were very real and it was a very fulfilling and 'right' feeling. I wouldn't be very interested in sex with somebody I didn't care about. But with someone you love and trust fully it can be an incredible feeling, not just physically but emotionally.. Just very freeing at times, and at times very soothing. Like the the best cuddle.

I'm glad I got to experience it. But at the same time, I also still wish I had CBT-ed years ago before then, because the pain experienced during this time still wasn't worth it ultimately, no matter how amazing it it may feel when in the thick of love. I would trade it all to take back the pain and have CBT-ed when I had the chance.

Thank you for sharing your experience! It is nice to read from the perspective from someone who went through love but ultimately landed in the same sort of place I am now. Makes me feel like even though I didn't try it that doesn't mean I messed up or that I took the wrong path here, maybe it is fine I didn't go that way first.
I hope your life from here on out gets the peaceful end you are looking for.

 

[FogFilledLife]

I think I might have experienced it, but I fucked it up. Now I'll never experience it. I've become too numb and too ugly.