THOUGHTS BEFORE I DIE

[StarryStarry]

I'm writing these thoughts so that somebody will know I lived. I know a lot of my decisions in life were the wrong decision or I wouldn't be at this point. I've made some very stupid decisions based on the pain I was in - pain and fear that's what has run my life. I keep thinking if I hadn't had the mother I had - yeah you know her - the one who told me how stupid, fat, ugly, unlovable and worthless I was - every day for 17 plus years that's all I heard - no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I accomplished, those words were in my head - they still are. My emotional maturity is that of a young child. I never had anyone to guide me or help me grow. I hate her. I could have made something of my life - could have. Too late now. In six days I'll be on the road to ctb. My one huge regret is that I have to leave my beloved cat behind - in an apartment filled with furniture, dishes, clothes and memories. I know she won't understand - she'll feel lost and alone, but I can't take her where I'm going and I can't find anyone to take her for me. So I guess in a way I'm killing her too. The guilt over leaving her behind is overwhelming. The tears won't stop flowing. I feel as if I'm drowning in my own tears. I'm in so much pain. I want the pain to stop. Six days - get in the car - drive - get there ...

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you have suffered a lot in your life, I'm sorry you have been through all this. I know it can be unbearable living a painful existence. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[miserableforever]

I'm writing these thoughts so that somebody will know I lived. I know a lot of my decisions in life were the wrong decision or I wouldn't be at this point. I've made some very stupid decisions based on the pain I was in - pain and fear that's what has run my life. I keep thinking if I hadn't had the mother I had - yeah you know her - the one who told me how stupid, fat, ugly, unlovable and worthless I was - every day for 17 plus years that's all I heard - no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I accomplished, those words were in my head - they still are. My emotional maturity is that of a young child. I never had anyone to guide me or help me grow. I hate her. I could have made something of my life - could have. Too late now. In six days I'll be on the road to ctb. My one huge regret is that I have to leave my beloved cat behind - in an apartment filled with furniture, dishes, clothes and memories. I know she won't understand - she'll feel lost and alone, but I can't take her where I'm going and I can't find anyone to take her for me. So I guess in a way I'm killing her too. The guilt over leaving her behind is overwhelming. The tears won't stop flowing. I feel as if I'm drowning in my own tears. I'm in so much pain. I want the pain to stop. Six days - get in the car - drive - get there ...

If you lived any closer, I would be more than happy to take care of your beloved Sweet Pea.
Unfortunately, we share a lot of similarities in our story and I fear for my child's life next week cause my court date is happening on the 16th, and I will have to expose the monster.
I'm in California. I really, really wish I could afford the drive to SC, to ease your pain and to give my life more purpose.

 

[StarryStarry]

If you lived any closer, I would be more than happy to take care of your beloved Sweet Pea.
Unfortunately, we share a lot of similarities in our story and I fear for my child's life next week cause my court date is happening on the 16th, and I will have to expose the monster.
I'm in California. I really, really wish I could afford the drive to SC, to ease your pain and to give my life more purpose.

Thank you so much for your kind words. To know that someone cares about her means the world to me. If you feel comfortable please let me know what is going on with you (PM me). I know this is weird but all I can do right now is cry uncontrollably. I welcome the opportunity to help someone else.

 

[Foresight]

I'd be willing to foster your beloved sweet pea but I have too many pets to adopt. Have you tried posting on craigslist? I'm north of you though. I know how hard ctb is in itself let alone leaving behind our animal companions. I'm so sorry to hear the circumstances you're under and I'm wishing you well.

 

[miserableforever]

Thank you so much for your kind words. To know that someone cares about her means the world to me. If you feel comfortable please let me know what is going on with you (PM me). I know this is weird but all I can do right now is cry uncontrollably. I welcome the opportunity to help someone else.

I'll message you later tonight. So stuck right now feeling paralyzed.

 

[raghu1977]

I have just finished finding a place for my pup. Im going to ctb in a few weeks, otherwise I would be glad to foster your pet until I find a forever home

 

[StarryStarry]

I have just finished finding a place for my pup. Im going to ctb in a few weeks, otherwise I would be glad to foster your pet until I find a forever home

Thank you for saying that. I appreciate you thinking of me and my cat.

 

[_Seeking]

I'm in the Midwest which I think is too far from you, but otherwise I would take your sweet cat. Are there any cat rescues around where you live that could take her?

I know someone that was able to find a home off of FaceBook Marketplace for their bird, that might also be another place to look.

 

[Rezzienator]

I'm writing these thoughts so that somebody will know I lived. I know a lot of my decisions in life were the wrong decision or I wouldn't be at this point. I've made some very stupid decisions based on the pain I was in - pain and fear that's what has run my life. I keep thinking if I hadn't had the mother I had - yeah you know her - the one who told me how stupid, fat, ugly, unlovable and worthless I was - every day for 17 plus years that's all I heard - no matter how hard I tried, no matter what I accomplished, those words were in my head - they still are. My emotional maturity is that of a young child. I never had anyone to guide me or help me grow. I hate her. I could have made something of my life - could have. Too late now. In six days I'll be on the road to ctb. My one huge regret is that I have to leave my beloved cat behind - in an apartment filled with furniture, dishes, clothes and memories. I know she won't understand - she'll feel lost and alone, but I can't take her where I'm going and I can't find anyone to take her for me. So I guess in a way I'm killing her too. The guilt over leaving her behind is overwhelming. The tears won't stop flowing. I feel as if I'm drowning in my own tears. I'm in so much pain. I want the pain to stop. Six days - get in the car - drive - get there ...

Please take her to an local animal rescue shelter or group. Please make plans for her. Idk if they have a fb group dedicated to finding homes for pets on ur area, but it's worth a try. Please don't leave her unable to fend for herself and unloved. Let her know that you loved her to do this for her, before your journey. Dont set outside either. Contact a no kill animal rescue shelter in ur area or just take her there and say that ure unable to care for her no longer
Any updates?

 

[ColorlessTrees]

Seconding the no-kill animal shelter idea, if you can. It might be safer than leaving her with a stranger. At least you would know she is safe and cared for before you leave.

I'm so sorry that it's come to this. It seems our timezones aren't too far apart, from my understanding. I just wanted to say again that I should be able to be there for you then, most definitely. I am here for you now, too. ❤

 

[Depressed Cat]

I'm so sorry that life has been so cruel to you, causing you immense suffering and leading you to this point of no return.

Please don't leave your cat locked in your apartment when you leave, if that's what you were planning to do. It would be better to let her out. Cats are amazing animals and they have the ability to survive as feral felines even if their human parent dies or abandons them.

Better still, would be to take her to an animal shelter or similar place and leave her with them, if you're not able to find someone to adopt her in time.