luisamanequim
Member
- Nov 8, 2023
- 30
First of all, English is not my first language and I never went to school to learn it, my grammar sucks sorry.
You know what pisses me off? It's how your family and friends act so shocked and surprised that you tried to kill yourself but after they don't raise a finger to change things for the better or even worst they act like narcissist assholes. I swear when I tried to kms and my family knew about it my sister said "Oh and I would have to deal with the trauma of my sister killing herself" she said that ON THE SAME DAY I TRIED! And my mom's reaction was no better either, she got super pissed and also made my misery about herself, guilt tripping me she said that she could've died (she had a heart attack once but it was from smoking and poor diet) and when I said that I wouldn't be sad bc I would be dead she got super upset and insinuated that I didn't care or love her. My brother didn't even talked or looked at me, as for my dad days before I vented at him and he got pissed claiming I was blaming him for everything and on the night I tried he pretended to care, my psychiatrist and my sister said that he cares about me but the other time I tried my mom texted him saying I was in the hospital and he saw and didn't reply, he does not care.
My dad KNOWS what could make me feel better and it wouldn't be a burden for him to make it but he simples refuses to do it because he's simply an selfish arrogant asshole that only cares about his favorite daughter (my sister). He said multiple times how she's his favorite, how he wouldn't really care if I died, he starved and abused me and I don't know why I keep craving for his approval and love.
I know my mom loves me but she's just so confusing and complicated, she keeps allowing my sister to do whatever she wants and demanding I do everything, but my sister is currently disappointing my mom so much that she's starting to lean more to my side now but sometimes she's still completely unreasonable to defend my sister's undefendable actions.
My brother is an arrogant narcissist that has the worst opinions on earth, I expect nothing from him.
My friends really confuses me, I can't tell if all of them really care, I mean I saw a lot of them ignore my explicit cries for help but when I'm right on the edge they appear saying that they care and then disappear again, but it could be my bpd requiring too much from people.
I'm just so done with people honestly, they just make life more complicated but at the same time we can't live without them, we miss them even when they do more hurt than good.
You know what pisses me off? It's how your family and friends act so shocked and surprised that you tried to kill yourself but after they don't raise a finger to change things for the better or even worst they act like narcissist assholes. I swear when I tried to kms and my family knew about it my sister said "Oh and I would have to deal with the trauma of my sister killing herself" she said that ON THE SAME DAY I TRIED! And my mom's reaction was no better either, she got super pissed and also made my misery about herself, guilt tripping me she said that she could've died (she had a heart attack once but it was from smoking and poor diet) and when I said that I wouldn't be sad bc I would be dead she got super upset and insinuated that I didn't care or love her. My brother didn't even talked or looked at me, as for my dad days before I vented at him and he got pissed claiming I was blaming him for everything and on the night I tried he pretended to care, my psychiatrist and my sister said that he cares about me but the other time I tried my mom texted him saying I was in the hospital and he saw and didn't reply, he does not care.
My dad KNOWS what could make me feel better and it wouldn't be a burden for him to make it but he simples refuses to do it because he's simply an selfish arrogant asshole that only cares about his favorite daughter (my sister). He said multiple times how she's his favorite, how he wouldn't really care if I died, he starved and abused me and I don't know why I keep craving for his approval and love.
I know my mom loves me but she's just so confusing and complicated, she keeps allowing my sister to do whatever she wants and demanding I do everything, but my sister is currently disappointing my mom so much that she's starting to lean more to my side now but sometimes she's still completely unreasonable to defend my sister's undefendable actions.
My brother is an arrogant narcissist that has the worst opinions on earth, I expect nothing from him.
My friends really confuses me, I can't tell if all of them really care, I mean I saw a lot of them ignore my explicit cries for help but when I'm right on the edge they appear saying that they care and then disappear again, but it could be my bpd requiring too much from people.
I'm just so done with people honestly, they just make life more complicated but at the same time we can't live without them, we miss them even when they do more hurt than good.
