Those who attempted suicide before, what was your last day like?

[hopeisdead]

For me. I cleaned out my house. Threw out stuff my son wouldn't ever use. Threw out my clothes (didn't want my son to have to go through them).

Put all of my paperwork on top of my bed. A list of all bills, login's, passwords so he'd know what needed to be done.

All funeral arrangement info. Cremation. Urn. Cemetary. I decided I would die the same day my mom did.

Went to hotel. Took my pills. Left a note to contact my son or brother in law…but forgot to write phone numbers. Only had my car keys, phone and charger on me.

Woke up 2 days later in psych ward. That day, police showed up to make sure I was there and ok.

My dad died the day I attempted. Nobody could find me. Sister left the country for the funeral. My son stayed behind to find me.

How did I find out? They let me charge my phone to make a call…and text messages started popping up with condolences. The nurse came to me, apologizing. Told me I wasn't to find out this way. The police contacted my son, and he was on his way to tell me.

I begged them to let me leave to fly over for the funeral. They refused. When my son came by to see me…I was a wreck.

He hugged me…told me he went to the hotel and saw my room. He said 'You brought me into a crime scene. I never want to again'.

My dads body came here for burial. My sister stopped talking to me.

I'm pretending to be ok. Have to finish the work on my apt. Will quit my job, so they don't know what happened to me. Will go to hotel again, and this time it's for good.

Note: if I had succeeded, there would be 3 deaths on the same day. Mom in 2004. Dad and I in 2022. April 11th.

I don't feel a thing. Just a void. Even lost my love for music. Nothing.

I'm angry I guess. Instead of rounding around me to keep me from trying again, they've just made me feel like I wish I'd succeeded. Haven't spoken to sissy since May.

Everyone abandoned me after my serious attempt too. Not that I really give a shit about my brother anymore...but I do miss his kids. I also lost my love for music. It's like a switch flipped in my brain and everything shut off one day. The only person who makes me smile is my daughter but she doesn't deserve a mom like this.

 

[Mvrd3rz]

I didn't really plan it I just was so done with life and I was home alone so I drank like half a bottle of champagne and took a bunch of pills I found, I felt mostly numb while doing it.

 

[Zulu]

The times I attempted were really dire and happened in the spur of a moment, usually during a really bad day. Usually verge of homelessness and losing everything. In the minutes/seconds leading up to an attempt (or aborting an attempt), time just slows to a crawl. Any background noise just turns into dead silence. My hands, ankles, and feet get an eerie cold. Can feel my own heart beating, maybe even slowing in a way. Just...everything slows down right as I stand at the edge to the abyss...only to be yoinked back to the living with tears and a hard breakdown due to either aborting or surviving an attempt. It's usually always suddenly without warning if shit hits the fan. Sometimes I wonder if it'd be better to just do a long roadtrip to the northeast and get lost deep into the woods to never be found again. Would kind of force/cox me into actually ending it to prevent any other option that would entail living. I don't know.

tl;dr - It's surreal kissing the Grim Reaper and jumping back to the world of the living. It's an experience that never really leaves you, and in a fucked up way, tries to lure you back to the edge from time to time. I don't know. I just want to be free.

 

[Liamyzzuf]

For me, it was like finalizing a project. The Last Project. Make sure things are nice and neat.

It was lonely...

 

[su1c1dal-dungeon]

my attempt was very impulsive and it was actually right when i got home from a concert. so if it had gone right, my last day would have been spent depressed and drunk at a concert. i really wasnt having a good night so the last day on earth for me wouldnt have been anything special.

which is exactly how i think it'll be when i attempt again. just a normal day. idk what i would do to make it "special" or "fun" who cares really. its not like ill remember it.

 

[djangoicecream]

Did you plan anything like a special meal or watch a movie, or anything like that? Did you feel nervous, excited or sad?

Personally, I went to the mall with my family and binge ate, and browsed the bookstore. A part of me was happy because I thought the pain would end soon.

Feel free to share your own experiences.

Depends on which time but the first one was impulsive not planned. I felt so bad I couldn't get myself to feel worth it anymore. So I tried to get ran over but my dad caught me. He wouldn't let me run away. I struggled for a long time but I gave up since I couldn't run into the streetcar in front of my parents.