Those who attempted suicide before, what was your last day like?

[Xiaomi]

Did you plan anything like a special meal or watch a movie, or anything like that? Did you feel nervous, excited or sad?

Personally, I went to the mall with my family and binge ate, and browsed the bookstore. A part of me was happy because I thought the pain would end soon.

Feel free to share your own experiences.

 

[justtiredofit]

I avoided eating so I could have an empty stomach. I cleaned the house, got my affairs in order, booked a hotel room and bought a bottle of booze to use with my method. Checked-in, unpacked the stuff I was going to use, cried for a while, and then a moment of serenity just hit me and that it was time. I can't really explain the feeling. I drank, waited a bit, drank some more along with the stuff I was using, waited, drank some more and then went to sleep. Unfortunately I woke up the next day.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

My attempts have been impulsive. 1st by wrist cutting and 2nd by hanging. There was no plan for a last day.

 

[UselessBeing]

My last suicide attempt was on a horrible day. Nothing was okay, partner stormed out after a huge fight. I cried and put on my favorite band put on a sweater for comfort.
My CBT attempt will always have my favorite band on. I've always been set on that being the last thing I hear.

 

[AnestheticVoid]

My attempts have been impulsive. 1st by wrist cutting and 2nd by hanging. There was no plan for a last day.

How'd the hanging fail?

 

[som1]

today is my last day. I went to the cinema and ate shack shake but the only reason I did that is that I needed to make a reason for me to go out so I can get my tickets to leave town, and the tickets were near the cinema so I ate shake shack then I walked 30 minutes to get the tickets and then watched batman. I watched half of pulp fiction today this morning, I might watch the other half if I feel like it. I will ctb tomorrow afternoon so technically today is my last full day.

 

[Tackingintothewind]

How'd the hanging fail?

Rope snapped fairly quickly

 

[Al Cappella]

I'm the impulsive sort, so there's never been preparation, rather just opportunity. That said, the last days were miserable—feeling completely overwhelmed, unable to cope, an emotional shitshow. See, I've never wanted to permanently vacate, I've just wanted the noise to stop. With mental health ppl have a tendency to pile on, and that becomes intolerable quite quickly. Which sounds blaming, but really isn't. I simply have such an allergy to stress—I flee. And cbt is of course the ultimate form of flight…

 

[Blowba]

As others say impulsive I remembered being highly stressed

 

[Sherri]

Calm, very calm, and was very happy to leave this place, only if I knew I would end up the next morning being found with pills boxes all around me and taken for a stomach pump. But yeah I was very calm and collected, remembered all tge good days only. Left letter, thank god no one reads it.

 

[Judah]

Very calm, and so sad cause i was leaving my a lot of thing behind.

 

[FogFilledLife]

Same as any other day.

 

[Ness]

For the most part, it was like any other day. I chatted with people, I ate, I listened to music. But I also cleaned my place and got rid of things I wouldn't want anyone to see. And when I walked out to do it, I brought only my keys and my phone, where I usually bring a lot more whenever I go out the door. I felt a little nervous, because I knew there was a chance I'd fail, but I also felt lighter. Like knowing made it easier to get through the day.

 

[Cheza_mus]

Well for me it was a usual day like other days ...I had been stick piling carbofuran and the day I took it was after I had an argument with parents

 

[neurotica]

For me. I cleaned out my house. Threw out stuff my son wouldn't ever use. Threw out my clothes (didn't want my son to have to go through them).

Put all of my paperwork on top of my bed. A list of all bills, login's, passwords so he'd know what needed to be done.

All funeral arrangement info. Cremation. Urn. Cemetary. I decided I would die the same day my mom did.

Went to hotel. Took my pills. Left a note to contact my son or brother in law…but forgot to write phone numbers. Only had my car keys, phone and charger on me.

Woke up 2 days later in psych ward. That day, police showed up to make sure I was there and ok.

My dad died the day I attempted. Nobody could find me. Sister left the country for the funeral. My son stayed behind to find me.

How did I find out? They let me charge my phone to make a call…and text messages started popping up with condolences. The nurse came to me, apologizing. Told me I wasn't to find out this way. The police contacted my son, and he was on his way to tell me.

I begged them to let me leave to fly over for the funeral. They refused. When my son came by to see me…I was a wreck.

He hugged me…told me he went to the hotel and saw my room. He said 'You brought me into a crime scene. I never want to again'.

My dads body came here for burial. My sister stopped talking to me.

I'm pretending to be ok. Have to finish the work on my apt. Will quit my job, so they don't know what happened to me. Will go to hotel again, and this time it's for good.

Note: if I had succeeded, there would be 3 deaths on the same day. Mom in 2004. Dad and I in 2022. April 11th.

I don't feel a thing. Just a void. Even lost my love for music. Nothing.

I'm angry I guess. Instead of rounding around me to keep me from trying again, they've just made me feel like I wish I'd succeeded. Haven't spoken to sissy since May.

 

[makethepainstop]

Did you plan anything like a special meal or watch a movie, or anything like that? Did you feel nervous, excited or sad?

Personally, I went to the mall with my family and binge ate, and browsed the bookstore. A part of me was happy because I thought the pain would end soon.

Feel free to share your own experiences.

The most delicious calm, the only other times I have experienced such joy and anticipation, is during events where I was about to die. Every day I'm stressed out about everything, bills, sex, political stuff, the economy......But in those times when I was certain I was about to die, (not just suicide attempts), I get the most delightful feeling of calm and relaxation! Damn wish I could feel like that every day.

 

[BlackWednesday]

My attempt was mostly unplanned so it was a normal day until it wasn't

 

[cemetorium]

My most recent serious (even though I knew the method was unreliable) attempt was nearly 2 years ago. It was impulsive. Overdosed at 11 in the morning and went to bed, woke up in the evening, and then spent the next ~3 days in agony.

Edit: I don't remember anything about how my day had gone before I attempted. All I remember is something triggering my want to die here and now. Didn't work though, obviously.

 

[SwimDeadPool]

My last suicide attempt was on a horrible day. Nothing was okay, partner stormed out after a huge fight. I cried and put on my favorite band put on a sweater for comfort.
My CBT attempt will always have my favorite band on. I've always been set on that being the last thing I hear.

I understand...I have my playlist titled "Peaceful Pill"

 

[Codependent loner]

I took pills and alcohol, while home alone I thought I took enough and had enough time…I was wrong. Woke up in hospital shackled to a bed. I was able to talk my way out of the hospital, I claimed it was all an accident. When I got home the hospital called me and the doctor told me the nurse never should have let me go that he felt I was a danger to myself, again I claimed it was all an accident and that I was safe and with family at home. The hospital had a nurse call every hour that day to check on me. I remember how violated I felt. It was a bad day.

 

[squidhead]

Attempted it twice, but only the first time I can call an actual attempt.
Anyway, in my case I was planning it for a while so I went over everything on the "to do" list multiple times. Eventually no matter how much you prepare for it, you feel youre never ready. So the day I finally did go through with it was honestly just a sudden burst of fuck it all energy, somehow I was past our idiotic survival instinct, impulsive but emotionally collected if that makes any sense.
I was very happy, content, relaxed, calm and most of all I was not afraid of death nor dying. On the contrary I welcomed it. Its such a thrill knowing everything will be over soon. Youre out of this hell, that sweeet release.
I left some warning notes on every door leading to the room I was in for whoever found me. Notes as in warnings, not letters or any of that bs. Some numbers to call for this kind of situations and so on.
I didnt do anything special that day, just listened to a couple of my favourite songs, thought about things, reminisce the handful of good memories I have, checked my PC and deleted all my accounts and so on. It sounds boring,, but i really didnt do anything out of the ordinary haha.
Now, I dont have a single friend, significant other, roommate or anyone else and I dont talk to my parents either so this part was a non issue to me. I still have no one, which sucks as a human being, but its a net positive when you want to peace out.
Of course, I fucking failed and ended up in a hospital barely alive then psych ward so... here I am still, writing this.

 

[StolenLife]

No I just tried to clean up my place as much as possible and hurried to buy the bus ticket to the bridge. While I was waiting for the bus I drank Cola while staring at the sea.

 

[lifeORdeath]

Spur of moment. Anxiety and fear. Got out of bed when everyone left for morning, went to door. And. Did it.

 

[HelloIamSummer]

The only time I had planned it for more than a day was my attempt with yew. I went to a place to watch the sunset. Wrote the letter. Called my best friend. Went home, waited for the night to come, drank the tea and went to sleep. The next day I woke up. No consequences. But I was still happy. Because I knew I had the courage to CTB.

 

[niiina]

Like any other day in this deep depression: spent it all in bed and binge ate some stuff I like. And in the next two days I tried partial and full suspension with no success. It was last Friday, spent weekend in bed while there was people in the house and today same, like every day for a while now. But soon I'll get my freedom.

 

[jodes2]

I live every day like it's my last. I don't look after myself, and just take moments as they come rather than be active doing things. I'm a lazy soul these days. So I do bad things to my body. I just don't look after myself.

 

[IntelligentLeg]

I avoided eating so I could have an empty stomach. I cleaned the house, got my affairs in order, booked a hotel room and bought a bottle of booze to use with my method. Checked-in, unpacked the stuff I was going to use, cried for a while, and then a moment of serenity just hit me and that it was time. I can't really explain the feeling. I drank, waited a bit, drank some more along with the stuff I was using, waited, drank some more and then went to sleep. Unfortunately I woke up the next day.

Mine was impulsive spent most of the day crying though if I can recall

 

[vexxed]

Sudden and calm, it was pretty weird. Normally I'm a very neurotic person, but when I made my first serious attempt everything just seemed clear, there wasn't much emotion involved, I just knew I didn't want to be here anymore.

I walked out to the woods behind my house and took a concoction of meds I stole from my mom and just laid there against a tree waiting for relief, blacked out within 30min. only reason I'm still here is because a jogger heard me seizing up from a trail near by a few hours later

 

[Scythe]

A little bit more happy, a little bit more hopeful, and a little bit more cheerful. And of course, a lot of disappointments the next day. I also treated myself to something I usually don't and spent some money on random stuff but that's about it.

 

[Brianiskillingme]

I was lost and felt there was no hope. I took 75 sleeping pills but instead of dying, I woke up puking. Then I got scared and called 911.