Discussion Those that have their method planned out/prepared, how do you feel?

[Smashingairwaves]

I've been around here for a while, and I've had my SN for a year now.

Something about knowing I have a way out for when I'm ready really calms any anxiety. Nothing in the future can scare me if I'm not there for it. Of course, the chance of failure is there, but done correctly I will probably succeed.

How do you all feel about it, knowing you can leave life when you want?

 

[Cutepoison]

Similar to what you feel. It gives sense of peace and control.

 

[MsMaudlin]

I feel relieved. Still writing my letters and writings things down, passwords etc But definitely relieved I have my SN and my meta

Love and peace ❤

 

[WhiskeyLulabuy]

You should be aloud to run your own life even when you choose it end it

 

[mathieu]

I haven't got my supplies yet but they are coming. I feel good about it. Happy that the end will soon come. I can't wait.

 

[MrOptions]

Patiently waiting for the right time to properly exit.

 

[lostangel]

I feel calm and not scared as I can leave when I choose.

 

[ReneeSuicideAccount]

I feel much better knowing I can just exit when I want, I have had the opposite before too when my guns where taken away and I was stuck here not because I wanted to but because I didn't have a method.

Now I have sn and everything else needed to go when ever.

 

[LMLN]

I feel peace knowing it's there with my tentative time frame in mind. If things improve for me by then I dont have to use it or can delay. But it's there if I need it and will likely work if i follow the regimen.

 

[Carrotcake]

It's double for me. On one hand, I'm grieving for myself. On the other hand, I feel very relieved the suffering can and will come to an end.

 

[Shakespear's Brother]

Like, I better hurry up and fucking do it before I lose the opportunity somehow.

The more I delay, the more stressed I feel. And I have really no good reasons for delay at this moment.

At one time, @MeltingHeart's signature was "Choose to die well while you can; wait too long, and it might become impossible to do so," and this is my fear.

 

[HopeDiesLast]

When I felt really down in the past I used go to a bridge. I'd just stand at the railing, look at the beautiful river and trees, and take deep breaths of fresh air. Knowing that I could jump made me feel more alive. I'd always go home feeling more relaxed and hopeful.

That little "tradition" of mine ended when someone called the police because they thought I was getting ready to jump. The cop that showed up was actually pretty cool about it. He understood when I explained to him that being there was life affirming rather than life ending. He did take me to see a crisis counselor though. I was released after a chat, but I figured I better not take that chance again. So no more bridges for me...

 

[cant cry]

When I decided to absolutely go through with it, I felt a wonderful peace and nothing bothered me anymore. Then I decided to give life another shot because certain things started working out and gave me a little hope. All my turmoil and feelings of being trapped returned with the decision to try at life again. But it's still nice to know I can go whenever I want to, that I'm not too afraid to do it.

 

[TAW122]

I certainly felt more at peace and in control like others said. Also, it has given me courage to try things that I never would have thought about such as visiting a ladyfriend (despite being afraid of rejection and what not) and then also going to lose my virginity in Amsterdam, both of which were in 2019. This is because I gave myself permission to go all out and do my very best (and more), since I promised myself if I failed to achieve certain things, I can always come back and kill myself later on. Fortunately for me, things work out well and thus I am in the year 2020.

This year though, things have been tough and once again, I've been pretty much set on CTB'ing later this year (no date or time or place yet) due to other reasons and chronic problems that continue to linger, which I have made threads and posts about.

 

[Grandexit]

I'm mad, disgusted and disappointed in myself that I have a way to make it all stop, but I'm dragging it all out. I could have been done with all this garbage by now. What the fuck am I waiting for?

 

[Ghost2211]

It makes me feel calmer and happier. I don't intend to use it, but knowing I have the option makes me feel less trapped. It also makes me excited and nauseous at the same time to think about it.

 

[Starrywaters]

I feel like I'm relatively set on SN.. I'm considering now buying it but I have been reluctant to do so just as getting an anti sickness should be relatively easy for me (been prescribed them plenty of times).

Only reluctant that once I have all of the tools close at hand I will impulsively ctb and cause one hell of a fall out in the lives of those around me..

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

I felt that way too when I had my SN at home. Now I am not quiet anymore. My anxiety is worse my only way out now if I'm impulsive is partial hanging with a belt.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Pretty prepared. Wrote a will, documented my funeral and body wishes. Have a checklist for the day when it comes. I feel as prepared as I could be at this point.

 

[S1mpleme]

I've been around here for a while, and I've had my SN for a year now.

Something about knowing I have a way out for when I'm ready really calms any anxiety. Nothing in the future can scare me if I'm not there for it. Of course, the chance of failure is there, but done correctly I will probably succeed.

How do you all feel about it, knowing you can leave life when you want?

My method is pretty simple - to get drunk and take SN (which I already have). I have mixed feelings. I'm thinking about everything that could change my mind, but I can't find any reason why would I want to stay alive. I analyze my past and trying to imagine my future, but honestly if I knew at least 20 years ago about future life, then wouldn't even ask myself, that's obviously it doesn't worth it. I remember my self being alone 90% of the time, crying every holiday and just trying to survive (cause I'm not rich and simply to get some food I had to work hard). Why do I need this life? Life is great and everything will be fine? Bullshit. How do I feel knowing I can live life if want? Sure, I can, but what life? Even if I'm not going to CTB, about 30 years left to me the most. 30 years for suffer is too much, 30 years for love and joy not enough. I swear I would throw that SN away if I had at least one asshole in my life who would say that loves me, but I don't want to have the life I had before.

 

[girlinthetallboots]

I feel an odd calmness, knowing that I have a plan, but I can't get rid of the butterflies and nerves I get when I think about it.

 

[mesohappy]

I keep visualizing and thinking about how things are gonna go down once Im gone..How will they find me,how long will it take for them to find me,who will find me and how will they react.How people will react to the news,what will ultimately happen to my belongings,what will neighbors do or say...I guess none of these things matter anyway,because I wont know anything about it,but I still cant help it.Its my over active mind I guess.

 

[Aleandra Felix]

When I stop to think I have the option and the possibility of leaving this world at any time, it makes me feel calm and relaxed. But I bought my rope years ago and never had the guts to use it, so I don't really feel like I have things under control cause when the time comes I chicken out.

 

[SugarbushMtn]

I find it relaxing somehow to have my SN ready anytime, even tho I would never use it impulsively. Need to follow the protocol.

 

[seho_j]

I feel so much better, relaxed and peaceful. It's like having insurance! It also makes me feel a bit excited to have my kit ready.

 

[galaticgrizzly]

I feel ready.
Everyone on here is telling me my method won't work, but I'm willing to give it a try.
They won't know it's suicide till the last minute. So I have to write a lot of letters. My parents, therapist, psychiatrist, guidance counselor, and one of my teachers I'm close to.
I'll plan to distribute these in the hospital.

 

[JSauter]

Anxious. Can't afford SN to fail nor am I convinced it's a 'peaceful' death, but it's all I have. Very anxious.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I've been around here for a while, and I've had my SN for a year now.

Something about knowing I have a way out for when I'm ready really calms any anxiety. Nothing in the future can scare me if I'm not there for it. Of course, the chance of failure is there, but done correctly I will probably succeed.

How do you all feel about it, knowing you can leave life when you want?

I don't have a suicide plan yet so the pain is terrible, but the thought of having one calms and really helps me. To me it's the thought of "you don't have to deal with the pain anymore if you don't want to" since I have a way out.

 

[galaticgrizzly]

I don't have a suicide plan yet so the pain is terrible, but the thought of having one calms and really helps me. To me it's the thought of "you don't have to deal with the pain anymore if you don't want to" since I have a way out.

I have a plan already, but I totally feel you about the second part. Feel free to PM me

 

[squirtsoda]

I'm happy I have what seems to me the best method I could hope for right now (SN). I used to have a .357 magnum but that got taken away from me, and I never liked the idea of blowing my head off with that cannon. Now like others have said, it's trying to figure out the best time. It is occupying my thoughts too much, but it has taken some anxiety away knowing I do have what seems to be a pretty good method.