Discussion Those that have their method planned out/prepared, how do you feel?

[MachinaArcana]

A peaceful calm has come over me in the past few weeks as my date is drawing near.
I will not be missed. I have no relatives except for my brother, whom I'm not really close with. I have spent a great amount of effort to document everything that would be of practical use to him when he has to clear out my place. A neat binder with an "inventory" - all the info and invoices (I have a lot of musical equipment, instruments and such) , detailed information about contacting gas/electricity company, landlord, you name it. It's all there, like a script, so to speak. It won't make it "easy" for him, but at the very least "not overly complicated" either.
There won't be any goodbye letters except a short one for him and a letter to my girlfriend telling her it has nothing to do with her, and asking her to move on and forget me. And I do intend to write a short note for the medics or police officers who find my body, just to show my appreciation for them, and the tough job they have to do day in day out. I really have a tremendous amount of respect for those people. Still trying to figure out what to write, I hope I can come up with something slightly humourous - I'd like to put a faint smile on their faces, however odd that may sound.

 

[mesohappy]

I'm happy I have what seems to me the best method I could hope for right now (SN). I used to have a .357 magnum but that got taken away from me, and I never liked the idea of blowing my head off with that cannon. Now like others have said, it's trying to figure out the best time. It is occupying my thoughts too much, but it has taken some anxiety away knowing I do have what seems to be a pretty good method.

Yeah that sucks.I got my .357 taken away too,when I got my 51/50.They didn't know about/find the 30-30 rifle though..I would use SN too if I had the money/time to procure everything.I wish I would have came to this site sooner.I didnt even know about SN till I came here.Oh well.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I have a plan already, but I totally feel you about the second part. Feel free to PM me

Hey I would love to PM you but it isn't letting me, maybe you PM me (:

 

[galaticgrizzly]

Hey I would love to PM you but it isn't letting me, maybe you PM me (:

Um I'm new here I don't know how

 

[silent staring void]

Sometimes I feel incredibly relieved and look forward to the end, but then a while later I'm scared of death and devastated bc I really think that I'm going to do it.

 

[HadEnough1974]

Patiently waiting for the right time to properly exit.

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Hey that's my choice as well. I'm looking for a partner. Let me know.

 

[lizinha]

Sense of relief. However the fear of failure takes me a step back and makes me scared.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

I swing back and forth between impatience that my date is so "far away" (few weeks..lol) and feeling like it's all silly and why even bother killing myself I have no real reason, I'm feeling better anyway- I feel like the despair that will allow me to coolly take my own waxes and wanes, but then after gaining over 100 pounds in about 13 months to the point where I can barely wipe my own ass and it hurts to walk, I remember I am 40, a minority woman, no family, no real social connection, isolated, no financial security, found out I have a severe emotional disability (BPD), minor criminal record, desperate, fat, weak, pathetic----- ah..then I remember, yeah, there is the ocean, sunsets, birds, music.... there certainly some beauty and awe inspiring things on this planet- but NONE OF it- is enough to make me stay considering that the bad outweighs the good--0----

So to sum it up---I feel JUSTIFIED>

 

[TheOA]

I've been around here for a while, and I've had my SN for a year now.

Something about knowing I have a way out for when I'm ready really calms any anxiety. Nothing in the future can scare me if I'm not there for it. Of course, the chance of failure is there, but done correctly I will probably succeed.

How do you all feel about it, knowing you can leave life when you want?

I love this post and this question. Yes! There is great comfort in accepting the inevitable. So peaceful.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

I already bought all my supplies for the SN method. Not really in a rush to use them now because I feel calm knowing that I can my existence at any time. Also, there are some things in life I still want to do, like meeting my SS bestie @Kikoo Loool in person

 

[thecountdown]

The only thing that bothers me is the pain and discomfort of actually doing it. I'm definitely going to because my life fucking sucks and will never be what it could have been. I take full responsibility for my life being the way it is but I just can't do it anymore. I'm going with a handgun to the side of my head. I think life will officially leave me in a matter of moments, but there still has to be some excruciating pain, if even for a second.