I have talked to some people on this site who own SN but have not taken it (yet).
I also feel like, even if I had it, I would still be scared of actually going through with this method/drinking it.
So, I am curious to hear your reasons.
[i post a lot on this forum... i'm sorry for bothering some of you. it's because i am depressed and suicidal as fuck and i have no one to talk to anymore because i completely ruined my life, forced to move to another country in a different timezone and lost all my social contacts + deleted all my other social medias because my old life/self is already dead. the only thing i do is fantasize about my ctb these days, so feel free to share anything with me please. and miss me & all my posts when i am dead!!]
you are welcome here <3
i'm definitely relieved i have it now! but i suspect my attitude now is roughly the same as when i didn't know much about illegitimate sn + customs issues and thought that obtaining sn from the one supplier i knew about / had in mind would be straightforward. planned dates multiple times, either just before vacations with family or on going back to uni after them, since i did not want to go through it again but also did
not want to put my family through seeing my body (or having an attempt fail and them take me out of uni -> make me live with them full-time). honestly i did the same with n as well before that when i
really didn't know about scammers. realising i've been making those plans for about the last 3 years, and only one actually manifested in an attempt, which is rather depressing.. anyway
reasons i've postponed include not wanting to ruin my bf's birthday celebration by dying before it happened, his actual birthday by dying straight before, not wanting to ruin my bf's grades by dying just before summer, when our exams are (especially in third year as a 2:1 is necessary to go on to a master's). sensing a theme here.. and another time (when i thought i had sn secured) when i said smth vaguely (by accident) implying that i wouldn't see him again and i saw him fill with so much fear and desperation for the first time that i vowed to stick around for a while, and err on the side of being deterred even now
in the moment i might think otherwise, but i'm ok with the idea of drinking sn. i like salt a lot, after all :) (i know it's not the same)
reason for postponing now - at the time i successfully got sn, i was close enough (like 2 months) to final exams for uni (which i am nearly done with now! though i do not anticipate feeling any relief), so i thought i might as well do them since my parents/the government had wasted so much money on me to be able to go to uni in the first place
but i suppose a time constraint has been placed in the other direction since i do
not want to be around to see the inevitably bad results and my parents receiving them