This really fucking hit me, I don’t think I really want to die

[imdoneee]

I just want to be missed.

Obviously there's other things that play a role in this, but this sentence just hit me hard. I want to be missed. I want people to be standing around my grave, covered in flowers, everyone crying and missing me and saying the nicest things about me and how much they miss me and love me. Lol I feel so pathetic. Truth is no one really cares that much until you're gone, and I just really wish someone would.

 

[theboy]

They will always remember you as long as they are alive.

 

[Hollowman]

They will always remember you as long as they are alive.

Not if they get dementia or something.

 

[theboy]

Not if they get dementia or something.

aam sure

 

[Spidermanspiderpoo]

I just want to be missed.

Obviously there's other things that play a role in this, but this sentence just hit me hard. I want to be missed. I want people to be standing around my grave, covered in flowers, everyone crying and missing me and saying the nicest things about me and how much they miss me and love me. Lol I feel so pathetic. Truth is no one really cares that much until you're gone, and I just really wish someone would.

I get what you're saying.
It was a little similar for me. I wanted to be loved (and missed). I wanted to be important to someone. But yeah, as you said, nobody cares till you're gone. At this point, I'm past that.

 

[watchingthewheels]

I just want to be missed.

Obviously there's other things that play a role in this, but this sentence just hit me hard. I want to be missed. I want people to be standing around my grave, covered in flowers, everyone crying and missing me and saying the nicest things about me and how much they miss me and love me. Lol I feel so pathetic. Truth is no one really cares that much until you're gone, and I just really wish someone would.

"Loneliness is such a drag..."- Jimi Hendrix, "Burning of the Midnight Lamp"

 

[FuneralCry]

Most people seem to just care about things that directly affect themselves. It's simply the way that people are. It's certainly a very depressing existence and I agree that people only really care once the person has left. However eventually we will all be forgotten about no matter what, it's what we are destined for as humans.

 

[emgrl]

I just want to be missed.

Obviously there's other things that play a role in this, but this sentence just hit me hard. I want to be missed. I want people to be standing around my grave, covered in flowers, everyone crying and missing me and saying the nicest things about me and how much they miss me and love me. Lol I feel so pathetic. Truth is no one really cares that much until you're gone, and I just really wish someone would.

It's not pathetic, it's understandable to want to be missed. The only problem is, no one is able to see nor appreciate any of those things pertaining to themselves once they've passed. Maybe you just need more attention from your loved ones, or they're not giving it to you in the way you need it? Sometimes it's hard to have conversations like these, but at times they're worth a shot…
I've seen your posts, and I know your whole situation as you've described on here, can you return the meds you took and try to work through things differently?
If you need to talk or vent, I'm here for you

 

[hamvil]

Nobody will miss me. At best there will be my wife bringing some flowers to my grave from time to time. Fake friends at the funeral maybe. Nobody cares about me in this world. I do not really want to be missed. I want to stop existing.

 

[Jimblue]

Nobody will miss me. At best there will be my wife bringing some flowers to my grave from time to time. Fake friends at the funeral maybe. Nobody cares about me in this world. I do not really want to be missed. I want to stop existing.

This is exactly what I feel. Personally I don't want to a funeral and I want people throw my ashes away.

To be honest, I scared my husband give my ashes to my father. This is something that I really don't want. And I know my father will insist to collect my ashes if he knows I dead.

 

[imdoneee]

It's not pathetic, it's understandable to want to be missed. The only problem is, no one is able to see nor appreciate any of those things pertaining to themselves once they've passed. Maybe you just need more attention from your loved ones, or they're not giving it to you in the way you need it? Sometimes it's hard to have conversations like these, but at times they're worth a shot…
I've seen your posts, and I know your whole situation as you've described on here, can you return the meds you took and try to work through things differently?
If you need to talk or vent, I'm here for you

Thank you so much, this means a lot to me I've thought about returning the drugs yes, since I don't really seem to be able to ctb right now.. I thought I was ready but as I was preparing my dog just refused to leave my side. He's been extremely clingy and I just ended up laying in bed crying and hugging him all night. People are all of a sudden worried about me and I'm confused, angry, moved and grateful at the same time, because it makes it really hard for me to go on with my plan. But I also feel like they're worried and care because they HAVE to? And they want to «save me», be a hero kind of? And my existence doesn't really make any difference in their lives. People are just terrified of death, but if I moved to the other side of the world and we never spoke again, it wouldn't really make any difference in their lives. I'm so lonely yet some part of me feels really moved and grateful that people care about me. But it also hurts because I know it's just a matter of time until I'm all by myself again and everyone has forgotten about me or simply just got tired of me

 

[Hollowillow]

I just want to be missed.

Obviously there's other things that play a role in this, but this sentence just hit me hard. I want to be missed. I want people to be standing around my grave, covered in flowers, everyone crying and missing me and saying the nicest things about me and how much they miss me and love me. Lol I feel so pathetic. Truth is no one really cares that much until you're gone, and I just really wish someone would.

No one missed me when I got sick. No one will miss me dead...

You just want to be loved & praised... I guess they only praise the dead who got praised in life? Otherwise it's just lying & virtue signaling?

 

[imdoneee]

No one missed me when I got sick. No one will miss me dead...

You just want to be loved & praised... I guess they only praise the dead who got praised in life? Otherwise it's just lying & virtue signaling?

Yeah but that's what people are like I guess. After my step sister committed everyone all of a sudden praises her and miss her so much. Says they'd do anything to be able to help her before she decided to leave. But it's not really true, when you're alive people just don't care that much

 

[brokensea]

It sounds like you want someone to care about you so much you feel like you have to die to get any attention or acknowledgment. Have you ever considered joining a support group of some kind? People can form friendships in places like those and deep ones where they understand one another.

It's ok not to want to die. Some people hate life itself and some people if only they had the self esteem, relationship, family, success or freedom from pain that want they would want to live.

In many cases it's not possible to get the thing you would want to live. Sometimes we think it's not possible but it is. We've just waited so long for it we think it will never come and some people even with everything they want it wouldn't matter to them.

It's hard to find any real love and support in the world but not impossible.

 

[hamvil]

This is exactly what I feel. Personally I don't want to a funeral and I want people throw my ashes away.

To be honest, I scared my husband give my ashes to my father. This is something that I really don't want. And I know my father will insist to collect my ashes if he knows I dead.

Let them do whatever they want. You are not your ashes. At that point all the pain will be gone and you will be free, why would you care of some dust?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Honestly, I think it's only a small handful of people that leave a legacy large enough behind to be missed for a reasonable amount of time. Think we tend to miss people who have impacted our lives and most of us likely only move within pretty small circles.

My Mum died when I was 3. To me, she is one of the most beautiful, sacred people to have lived. I don't remember her though and pretty soon, no-one else living will remember her. It will be as if she never existed. I find that so sad to accept. It just kind of makes everything meaningless to me.

Honestly, if I do end up ctb, I hope people will acknowledge the pain I was in- rather than be angry at me. I don't want them to be devastated though. I'm waiting for my Dad to go first because I know it would impact him badly but I kind of hope I'm distanced enough from everyone else in my life that it won't affect them so much.

 

[Jimblue]

Let them do whatever they want. You are not your ashes. At that point all the pain will be gone and you will be free, why would you care of some dust?

That's true. In that point, probably just dust.

My father want to be my father in next life. That's really scary me, if there is a next life. I don't want meet my parents again.

 

[hamvil]

My father want to be my father in next life. That's really scary me, if there is a next life. I don't want meet my parents again.

My god my parents in the afterlife, that would be the worse hell. I received nothing but mental and physical abuse during all my childhood. Do they want to continue to torture me for all eternity?

 

[doesitreallymatter]

My god my parents in the afterlife, that would be the worse hell. I received nothing but mental and physical abuse during all my childhood. Do they want to continue to torture me for all eternity?

Exactly !! I hope that whatever's next is just nothingness where I don't exist on any level, not I single molecule, thought or feeling

 

[hellispink]

As sad and hard as this may sound, most people won't remember the ones that are gone. Of course there will always be someone that will remember and cherish the memories with the person. But it is usually just one. People would take flowers the first year, and most would never visit again. The good part about this is, one is dead so we don't know it to be suffering about it, and second, they are also forgotten cause they will die too at one point. What's the teach in this? Life must be lived, chosen or left because we truly wanted to leave or live or whatever. One cannot be expecting others to care because they will never do as much as one self can care. They are insignificant so are we, we all are just a mere point in a whole big universe. I don't know about you but why would I want my family members or people that knew me to be obsessed about remembering me or visiting me? I WANT them to forget me at least most of the days cause if they chose to stay, they need to be more comfortable they can. The world doesn't revolve around me and I don't want it to be like that when I leave either, they must go on and better no visit often, they must stay living for the living until they die or rightfully choose the way out.