This is the only online place I know where I can openly admit my life probably will end with my suicide

[noname223]

I have made a lot of negative experiences in other online communities. In this forum it is just more accepted to be suicidal. I tried different places. Normal mental health forums censor a lot about this topic. Like the censorship is sometimes insane.

It is just like it is a fact that there probably won't be a happy end for me. If I think about all the scenarios what could happen in my life the likelihood that there will be a solution for my problems is very little. This does not mean I gonna kill myself tomorrow. I still try to fight. I do this a lot. But I can at least be honest in this forum that the odds are pretty much against me.

I just feel I can be accepted here without knowing a solution for my problems. I try therapy, I try medication, I try recovery. But at least I don't have to pretend here that I believe in an happy end. My family knows about my suicidality. At least I have told them almost everything. After a while I don't mention my suicidality they act as if the problem disappeard. But this is not true. I have (almost) every single A LOT of suicidal thoughts. What can a forum offer me if they censor talk about suicidality? Do I have to hide it as in real life when I meet new people. It just feels dishonest.

I feel extremely desperate. I am seeing professionals for years. I am doing everything I can. In other forum they blamed me for my persistent suicidality. They said something like "you need to want to get better". Yeah what a sick cyncial joke. I had the feeling many people gawked at my threads about severe suicidality and just left some hurtful comments. I had the feeling they looked down at me. The weirdo who just does not want to improve.

I absolutely did not feel accepted. I mean if I am not even allowed to articulate what hell is going on every single day in my brain??? My problems don't go away if stop talking about them. It rather gets a lot worse.

 

[Readytogasap]

I feel extremely desperate. I am seeing professionals for years. I am doing everything I can. In other forum they blamed me for my persistent suicidality. They said something like "you need to want to get better". Yeah what a sick cyncial joke. I had the feeling many people gawked at my threads about severe suicidality and just left some hurtful comments. I had the feeling they looked down at me. The weirdo who just does not want to improve.

Most people in the medical profession indirectly or directly follow the advise of Nietzsche and his, will to power doctrine.

This idea promotes that if you want something hard enough you think it with positivity and keep trying to achive it. Sure it works on some people with no real issues, but people who have complex needs, the lazy idea that they're somehow not trying hard enough comes up.

 

[Soulless Angel]

This forum is amazing for advice and support, and with people who understand, this forum grew from the dark net, and went into a more open forum in 2018 ish. People try and take it down, not realizing this place is more then just *people encouraging suicide*

It helps having the owner and creator as someone who understands that people need a place to feel safe to talk about anything with no fear or judgement, many other places are created by very heavy pro life people, who wish to censor a world that they simply cannot comprehend.
The mindset we NEED to WANT to get better is bullshit, maybe we have tried, but have reached our end, maybe we just don't wrong to try, whilst there is nothing wrong in that, those pro lifers and professionals seem to think there is everything wrong with that.

If our life is our own, as they clearly state, then why can we not talk about our own ending with our own hands, what is such a crime about it? This is potentially the only forum out there with this sort of content, and I hope to hell that it doesn't get removed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that censoring suicide related topics would not decrease suicide at all, instead it would just make people feel more alone and isolated. I do wish that we lived in a world where we can talk openly about wanting to die, and have our right to die respected. After all, there is so much suffering that exists and all humans will die eventually.

If someone wants to leave then that is their choice and there is nothing wrong with that. None of us asked for this life in the first place anyway. It does frustrate me the attitude that society has that suicide is something that must always be prevented. In this world wanting to die can be perfectly rational and it is what makes sense for me personally.

 

[hopelessdreams]

i completely agree with you. personally, this forum and its people have helped me through some of my darkest times. without this forum, i'd probably have attempted some stupid method and ended up worse then before. with no one to talk to about these heavy topics, this place truly feels like a second home where i can talk about my feelings and more so listen and react to other peoples thoughts.

people that are against this forum simply don't look further then the propaganda articles that are written about it or can't comprehend the dark place we are in. you can't understand someone's darkness if you haven't experienced it yourself.

 

[Postone]

This forum is amazing for advice and support, and with people who understand, this forum grew from the dark net, and went into a more open forum in 2018 ish. People try and take it down, not realizing this place is more then just *people encouraging suicide*

It helps having the owner and creator as someone who understands that people need a place to feel safe to talk about anything with no fear or judgement, many other places are created by very heavy pro life people, who wish to censor a world that they simply cannot comprehend.
The mindset we NEED to WANT to get better is bullshit, maybe we have tried, but have reached our end, maybe we just don't wrong to try, whilst there is nothing wrong in that, those pro lifers and professionals seem to think there is everything wrong with that.

If our life is our own, as they clearly state, then why can we not talk about our own ending with our own hands, what is such a crime about it? This is potentially the only forum out there with this sort of content, and I hope to hell that it doesn't get removed.

From my perspective,If you are at a point where you want to get better,then thats already half of the way there,because you already see life as worthwile enough to continue.Needing you to already want to get better is to not want to deal with really troubled people.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I think that censoring suicide related topics would not decrease suicide at all, instead it would just make people feel more alone and isolated. I do wish that we lived in a world where we can talk openly about wanting to die, and have our right to die respected. After all, there is so much suffering that exists and all humans will die eventually.

If someone wants to leave then that is their choice and there is nothing wrong with that. None of us asked for this life in the first place anyway. It does frustrate me the attitude that society has that suicide is something that must always be prevented. In this world wanting to die can be perfectly rational and it is what makes sense for me personally.

one thing I don't understand with society is the fear of death, it happens to us all eventually in one way or another, whether you are out in a car and get in an accident, whether an illness takes you, whether its old age, whatever it is, I don't understand because of this, why we as humans on a natural course, of being born, growing to death, are taught that death is something to be scared of
I will be honest and say it used to worry me, but as I have grown older, less wiser and grown with more contempt towards life, I realize death can be a blessing, accept it, embrace it, its where we all end up anyway.

 

[ceserasera]

I feel the same. It's a bit of a relief because, even in the moments I've wanted to change, I've always been held back by the fear that I've already lost too much, I'm not going to be the same person I once was, I don't know who I will be and if I would like that person and that life. I think, even if I want to get better, what is it for? Because any chance at the life I wanted is gone regardless of what I do next. And I wish people would be more open about that. I wish people would stop pretending that everything will be ok. It may be different, but it doesn't mean it's ok. I don't even think this in a tragic way. It's not tragic, it's just a fact of life, or my life at least. I've always had this feeling that I'm inherently wrong for this world, and you can't force a bad fit. I feel like wanting to get better isn't enough. To me it feels like a trap. I think that this is my natural state so what does 'better' even mean? It means turning a blind eye to all the bad. But I can't unsee that even if I wanted to.