Venting This is the closest I have been to CTB in my life

[eternalspoon]

Hey everyone, I am new here and stumbled across this site around two weeks ago. It has been an extremely rough past couple of months with suicidal ideation at an all-time high. I will graduate college in less than a month with a dual degree in Computer Science and Business Administration. I got into a relationship with a girl I had been talking to around a month ago and am having a good time with her. I have no idea why I feel this way and have been looking into the SN method heavily. Looking back, I probably have an undiagnosed mental health issue as I have had periods of extreme depression throughout my life. The only thing that is hindering me is my family (parents) whom I love very much and I know if I did CTB the trauma would be unbearable for them. I don't think anyone in my life would have expected me to CTB if it did occur. The first time I thought of suicide and death with consideration was when I got my wisdom teeth removed and woke up from the anesthetic wanting to go back (I don't know if brain chemicals were scrambled or what), but the nothingness was peaceful. Anyway, I hope things get better for me and this site has helped so much with just the raw emotion and discussion that occurs. Have a good day.

 

[iloverachel]

Welcome my friend
Sorry you are feeling suicidal

 

[rozeske]

Hi! I'm sorry for your suffering. I'm wishing you the best

 

[uzuf86]

Are you really sure about your ctb? I would recommend looking into things you love doing and spending time with people you really like