This is probably gonna be one of the last posts I'll make.

[Un-]

If you're close to me.. yeah.. sigh.

The long and short of it is that I got told how horrible of a person I am by my family. And, as a result, they're ruining my future. Gone. Like that. The conversation was 45 minutes.

That's all it really requires to take one's life.. and make an unrecoverable mess of it.

I already have my SN. And I have no conviction to stay around any longer.

I'm not gonna make a date where I'll die. It'll be impulsive I suppose. When my emotions are at an all time low, like right now.

Fucking shaking and everything heh... I forgot the rule in life where you can't be happy. I've been a bit joyous the past few days, and, as the rule says.. if you're happy for as long as a minute, then life will rip it apart. It will rip you apart.

I know the consequences of my actions. And they're awful. But I can't - I cannot - live any longer. I broke my promise that I made to someone, about making a genuine attempt at recovery. You know who you are. And I'm sorry, but I can't.

We all live on borrowed time, anyways.

 

[newbie87]

I'm so sad reading this. I wish you peace and I send you a virtual hugh.

 

[Shivali]

I wish you luck whatever you do ... :Herz:

 

[No longer suicidal😁]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Family is supposed to be the group of people who will support you no matter what, it's really a shame for them to tell you such things.

I wish you the best whether you choose to ctb or not.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry. Sounds like you've had a shitty time of it. We all have our limit at the end of the day. I will selfishly miss you if you choose to go- I enjoy reading your posts. Still, everyone deserves to find their own peace when things become too much. I hope you can find freedom from your suffering- whatever choice you make.

 

[onceuponadec]

I wish you all the peace in the world. I want you to know that your family is wrong. I can tell that you are a wonderful person and you deserve to be loved. Wherever you go after this life I know you will find joy, acceptance, and happiness.

 

[Dead Meat]

I'm really sorry @Un- I hate to see you go and will miss you, your such a kind hearted beautiful soul . I wish you nothing but the best and. A Very Peaceful and Pleasant journey. Much Love to you

 

[Regen]

Oh no. Its sad to see you go. It's hard to stand against familys opinion. I can feel your deep pain. But it's difficult to let you go. I wish you an angel to heal your soul and give you deep love and endless peace.

 

[FuneralCry]

At least you have the option of a reliable method, those who have SN by their side right now are lucky as they can just free themselves from this cruel, horrific world. It's just so awful how life tortures us with no limit as to how much we can suffer so no wonder so many decide to ctb. I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[Agon123]

Unfortunately, life is not a colorful fairy tale with a happy ending. Good luck.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Sorry life has brought you to this point. No one has the right to tell you in such stark terms how terrible you are, even if it is true, which I kinda doubt. if someone has a problem with someone, they need to tell the person in calm, diplomatic terms what the problem is, so that it can be discussed and a remedy to the situation discovered. Sticking around for 45 minutes and listening to that shit was about 44 minutes longer than I ever would have. If you decide to end your pain, I wish you peace in your endeavor in getting there and, also, thereafter.

 

[Wannagonow]

So sorry you had to endure such a horrible verbal attack. People, including family, don't seem to realize how bad their words can hurt. Whatever path you choose to take, I wish you peace.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

You are not your family. And blood relation doesn't really create a magical connection. Family has to be earned and worked for, like everything else, and it sounds like yours has let you down massively. That's not a reflection on you. That's on them.
If you don't mind me asking, what was making you feel joyous?

 

[Un-]

You are not your family. And blood relation doesn't really create a magical connection. Family has to be earned and worked for, like everything else, and it sounds like yours has let you down massively. That's not a reflection on you. That's on them.
If you don't mind me asking, what was making you feel joyous?

The fact that my life was on track for something great. That I was going to try recover. That I spent my days gaming, which helps take my mind off things.

I have a lot to be miserable about, but those three things reduced it.

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

The fact that my life was on track for something great. That I was going to try recover. That I spent my days gaming, which helps take my mind off things.

I have a lot to be miserable about, but those three things reduced it.

Can the thing you were on track for still happen? Recovery is a long process, and it definitely helps if you have something to anchor to.
Gaming is definitely a good escape. Second only to reading for me. Sadly both of these tools are failing me now. Whereas I used to be able to escape reality with them, it's now forcing it's way in regardless.
Anyway, I hope that things can improve for you. I really do.

 

[Un-]

Can the thing you were on track for still happen? Recovery is a long process, and it definitely helps if you have something to anchor to.
Gaming is definitely a good escape. Second only to reading for me. Sadly both of these tools are failing me now. Whereas I used to be able to escape reality with them, it's now forcing it's way in regardless.
Anyway, I hope that things can improve for you. I really do.

I don't think so. With how things are, my life is ballsed up.. Completely derailed for years to come..

I understand that. I don't even enjoy gaming. It just distracts me, now. But sometimes my problems can be so bad that a distraction isn't enough. My problems just grow worse over time.. Can't be solved.. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I can't.

Thank you though.

 

[Message In A Bottle]

Probably selfish of me to hope that things were going to work out for you…but only you know when it's your time to go.

And I'm not particularly satisfied reading back those words of mine… guess a part of me just wanted to see where'd you go from here.

I'm just sorry your family is forcing you to be in this position…if only they knew how important this was to you - to the extent to where you'd see no hope. Perhaps they'd think twice of pulling you from your courses.

I may have not been the closest to you, but I still considered you my friend - and it was a pleasure spending this short time with you.

 

[Tired and Done]

If you're close to me.. yeah.. sigh.

The long and short of it is that I got told how horrible of a person I am by my family. And, as a result, they're ruining my future. Gone. Like that. The conversation was 45 minutes.

That's all it really requires to take one's life.. and make an unrecoverable mess of it.

I already have my SN. And I have no conviction to stay around any longer.

I'm not gonna make a date where I'll die. It'll be impulsive I suppose. When my emotions are at an all time low, like right now.

Fucking shaking and everything heh... I forgot the rule in life where you can't be happy. I've been a bit joyous the past few days, and, as the rule says.. if you're happy for as long as a minute, then life will rip it apart. It will rip you apart.

I know the consequences of my actions. And they're awful. But I can't - I cannot - live any longer. I broke my promise that I made to someone, about making a genuine attempt at recovery. You know who you are. And I'm sorry, but I can't.

We all live on borrowed time, anyways.

Yes, I have learnt the same. Never feel happy. It makes the inevitable pain that follows even worse. I hope you can find the peace we are all looking for.