I'm really tired of living, I'm 23, I'm a trans man and I have bpd. Recently my girlfriend of three years of relationship left me because of a relapse I had but asked me to stay in my life as friends. It's the constant reminder that she no longer loves me and he no longer sees me as the love of her life like he always was and my heart is so broken.
My family is a dysfunctional family in which there is not a day in which they do not fight among themselves and there is not a day in which they do not remind me that I am worthless, that I am just a waste of air and I only depress them with my mere presence.
My friends are absent in my life because they are very focused on their partners and their friendships who are not a burden like me who is living my lasts days with all this emotional burden and I feel so alone, the only person who believed in me and I thought that I could be someone in this life was my girlfriend and now that we broke up it was because she lost faith in me, she lost faith that I can be someone better, i really dissapointed her and there's not a day where i don't regret loosing her.
At this point I feel that no one cares about me anymore and that I have nothing to support me, no one really cares about me anymore and I am very convinced that if I die I would make life easier for more than one person in my life.
I'm thinking about doing CTB tonight, putting on my favorite series in the background and trying it one last time, this would be my seventh suicide attempt in my entire life, I always believed that if I failed so many times (and many by miracle) it was because I had a purpose in this life or because one day I was going to be genuinely happy, but everything was going from bad to worse as time went by and by this point I had already lost faith in myself, i lost my faith that something good waits for me.
Thank you for reading and giving me this space to vent.
My family is a dysfunctional family in which there is not a day in which they do not fight among themselves and there is not a day in which they do not remind me that I am worthless, that I am just a waste of air and I only depress them with my mere presence.
My friends are absent in my life because they are very focused on their partners and their friendships who are not a burden like me who is living my lasts days with all this emotional burden and I feel so alone, the only person who believed in me and I thought that I could be someone in this life was my girlfriend and now that we broke up it was because she lost faith in me, she lost faith that I can be someone better, i really dissapointed her and there's not a day where i don't regret loosing her.
At this point I feel that no one cares about me anymore and that I have nothing to support me, no one really cares about me anymore and I am very convinced that if I die I would make life easier for more than one person in my life.
I'm thinking about doing CTB tonight, putting on my favorite series in the background and trying it one last time, this would be my seventh suicide attempt in my entire life, I always believed that if I failed so many times (and many by miracle) it was because I had a purpose in this life or because one day I was going to be genuinely happy, but everything was going from bad to worse as time went by and by this point I had already lost faith in myself, i lost my faith that something good waits for me.
Thank you for reading and giving me this space to vent.
