Help This is gonna sound really stupid...

[Cauliflour]

I see PSAs and posts on the internet all the time about sexual harassment/assault and how common it is for young women and I'm sitting here like, "how come I never get any?". I know it's a good thing that I've never been catcalled or groped or had images of me edited online so that I'm naked (at least I bloody hope not but I don't think I have any selfies of me online within the past 5 years where I have my face without any kind of obstruction like a mask so I assume nobody bothers) but god damn it I feel left out because of how often I hear stories and the statistics and shit and I feel like I'm missing out on an aspect of womanhood and I don't even know how I do it.

I should be a prime target: I live in a big city, I have a routine because I take the same bus, I like listening to music while walking to said bus with chunky headphones, I wear linen buttoned up shirts and jeans all the time so I'm wearing easy clothes for a rapist to rip off, I'm skinny, I'm young, for christ sake I walk with my hands behind my back and my back leaning forward why the fuck do the degenerates decide not to pick me? Am I just blind? Am I just fucking retarted? Do I stare at the floor too much because I've never seen an instance of sexual harassment (I think) yet there's all these statistics from numerous sources that say I should be at least cat called by now. What's even worse is that I'm autistic which makes that statistic even higher and yet somehow I'm in that 10% without even trying.

My only guess is that it's because I don't go to bars and clubs and stuff but even then, that's what adults do. How come in school I wasn't a part of that childhood sexual harassment data? Is it because I don't have friends? What's it like 9 in 10 sexual abuse victims knew their abuser? Even then, I have talked to people and quite a few people know my name so what the hell am I doing right? How come the people on here with their numerous vent posts get fucked and made to feel like shit get it when they don't deserve any of it but I, someone who very much does deserve to be tortured like that, gets off scott free despite being a really easy target? Like for fucks sake, I mostly walk alone places.

I know it's not a beauty thing because it's down to whatever pervert's power imbalance fantasies is, but considering not even online do people try to make uncomfortable advances: am I just really undesirable that even the sick freaks don't want me?

It's making me feel isolated because all these other women are gonna have stories and views because of those stories and I just won't be able to relate. All these PSAs directed towards women talk like "yeah sister, we feel your pain" but I don't have any pain for them to feel. Or maybe wearing crap tons of eyeliner makes you immune to creepy men idk.

.
..
...

Wow this really says a lot about either me or society that I'm asking why I haven't been raped yet because I'm a young woman. God that's sad.

 

[XXXTENTACION]

I have no words really.

Imagine the reality of whatever pain you are already going through, which is guessing why you've ended up on this site. Then add on top of that the pain and violation these women must every single day when they simple catch a glimpse of themselves in a mirror.

Without with being "that guy", you sound like an attractive woman I great which keeps helpself out of the areas this is most likely to happen and don't put yourself at unnecessary risk.

Please be happy you've not had to live through these atrocities thought your life. It's not about looks or anything like that.

I'll share a brief story. My ex girlfriend was raped and not a single day went past that I didn't need to step up and play through that strong boyfriend role or reassure that I only wanting her or her just generally feeling "dirty".

All in saying is beware what you put out to to the universe as it answers.

I dont know you, I don't know what you're going through or what you been through but the last thing any of us on here is more pain as I guarantee that's it would lead to further pain and an "answer" only a select few would want to talk about
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/members/cauliflour.108033/ im here to talk x

 

[Cauliflour]

Right yeah I should've just shutted the fuck up...

wow I really have a habit of being fucking insensitive...maybe I really should've gone to kiwi farms instead so the only people I'm making lives worse is degenerates.

I have no words really.

Imagine the reality of whatever pain you are already going through, which is guessing why you've ended up on this site. Then add on top of that the pain and violation these women must every single day when they simple catch a glimpse of themselves in a mirror.

Without with being "that guy", you sound like an attractive woman I great which keeps helpself out of the areas this is most likely to happen and don't put yourself at unnecessary risk.

Please be happy you've not had to live through these atrocities thought your life. It's not about looks or anything like that.

I'll share a brief story. My ex girlfriend was raped and not a single day went past that I didn't need to step up and play through that strong boyfriend role or reassure that I only wanting her or her just generally feeling "dirty".

All in saying is beware what you put out to to the universe as it answers.

I dont know you, I don't know what you're going through or what you been through but the last thing any of us on here is more pain as I guarantee that's it would lead to further pain and an "answer" only a select few would want to talk about
https://sanctioned-suicide.net/members/cauliflour.108033/ im here to talk x

 

[mya_]

It's better for you like that, I've been harassed in the past and it has added to the trauma, so now i don't even want to be a woman anymore

 

[XXXTENTACION]

Right yeah I should've just shutted the fuck up...

wow I really have a habit of being fucking insensitive...maybe I really should've gone to kiwi farms instead so the only people I'm making lives worse is degenerates.tmRhat last sentence

It's not "shutting the fuck up", its about finding the right person you can talk to knowing you will get an honest and straight forward answer.

That last sentence rung some
thing with me. We have a so far lived lives on the total opposite ends of the scale and that interests me no end

 

[guapogato]

you don't sound stupid, you sound honest, and I think this is something for you to reflect on and look at the actual reality of what happens after something like that.
this is absolutely something you don't want, it's something that being isolated from is a good thing. imagine one of the worst moments of your life on repeat every day when you see specific people, or places, or look at yourself in the mirror. being called a liar even as a kid. you don't want that stain on your entire being. and most PSAs are frankly tone-deaf. even among people who have gone through it, there's a vast amount of people who will blame the person who was assaulted. being harassed isn't based on you, it's based on being in the wrong place at the wrong time, being unlucky. there's no secret club, this isn't an aspect of womenhood, it's a byproduct of people doing people-things that ends with suffering for the rest of your life.
anyway, ideally don't go to kiwi farms lol

 

[Cauliflour]

It's not "shutting the fuck up", its about finding the right person you can talk to knowing you will get an honest and straight forward answer.

That last sentence rung some
thing with me. We have a so far lived lives on the total opposite ends of the scale and that interests me no end

Yeah the thing is I can't just go call my mum and go "hey why don't men try to rape me?" she'll think I'm insane.

Also what does that last sentence, the one about the scales, what does that mean?

 

[XXXTENTACION]

That's the part I mean about finding the right person to talk to...you mom isn't necessary your best bet. I was thinking maybe someone one here as a community we arent judge by these thoughts and typically arent the answers your expect to get together were the "coating" you get in the compound need help bandages "

Also what does that last sentence, the one about the scales, what does that mean?

Sorry I justice took from the way we were talking that we have com from completely different backgrounds and I find that interesting

 

[Cauliflour]

That's the part I mean about finding the right person to talk to...you mom isn't necessary your best bet. I was thinking maybe someone one here as a community we arent judge by these thoughts and typically arent the answers your expect to get together were the "coating" you get in the compound need help bandages "

Even in mental health issues I don't fit the moulds...

I think everyone else on here is in a whole different league to me. Like I see their posts on here and I think "wow they've had some really fucked up lives" and I'm still debating wherever I personally think whatever shit in my head classes as "mental health issues" when I know it does but not exactly to me it just doesn't feel right to say. I don't think there's anyone out here who's in a similar boat to me and I've accepted that. This is just another aspect where I can't relate to the masses but it still makes me feel isolated anyway.

 

[Kittywuzhere.]

I see PSAs and posts on the internet all the time about sexual harassment/assault and how common it is for young women and I'm sitting here like, "how come I never get any?". I know it's a good thing that I've never been catcalled or groped or had images of me edited online so that I'm naked (at least I bloody hope not but I don't think I have any selfies of me online within the past 5 years where I have my face without any kind of obstruction like a mask so I assume nobody bothers) but god damn it I feel left out because of how often I hear stories and the statistics and shit and I feel like I'm missing out on an aspect of womanhood and I don't even know how I do it.

I should be a prime target: I live in a big city, I have a routine because I take the same bus, I like listening to music while walking to said bus with chunky headphones, I wear linen buttoned up shirts and jeans all the time so I'm wearing easy clothes for a rapist to rip off, I'm skinny, I'm young, for christ sake I walk with my hands behind my back and my back leaning forward why the fuck do the degenerates decide not to pick me? Am I just blind? Am I just fucking retarted? Do I stare at the floor too much because I've never seen an instance of sexual harassment (I think) yet there's all these statistics from numerous sources that say I should be at least cat called by now. What's even worse is that I'm autistic which makes that statistic even higher and yet somehow I'm in that 10% without even trying.

My only guess is that it's because I don't go to bars and clubs and stuff but even then, that's what adults do. How come in school I wasn't a part of that childhood sexual harassment data? Is it because I don't have friends? What's it like 9 in 10 sexual abuse victims knew their abuser? Even then, I have talked to people and quite a few people know my name so what the hell am I doing right? How come the people on here with their numerous vent posts get fucked and made to feel like shit get it when they don't deserve any of it but I, someone who very much does deserve to be tortured like that, gets off scott free despite being a really easy target? Like for fucks sake, I mostly walk alone places.

I know it's not a beauty thing because it's down to whatever pervert's power imbalance fantasies is, but considering not even online do people try to make uncomfortable advances: am I just really undesirable that even the sick freaks don't want me?

It's making me feel isolated because all these other women are gonna have stories and views because of those stories and I just won't be able to relate. All these PSAs directed towards women talk like "yeah sister, we feel your pain" but I don't have any pain for them to feel. Or maybe wearing crap tons of eyeliner makes you immune to creepy men idk.

.
..
...

Wow this really says a lot about either me or society that I'm asking why I haven't been raped yet because I'm a young woman. God that's sad.

before i was assaulted I felt the same way, all my friends would tell stories and I felt so ungodly guilty for thinking "am I not good enough?" "Am I so ugly not even pervs want me?" So rlly do get u on that part, after the fact I didn't feel how I thought I would, I didn't feel pretty or included or more of a woman. I felt pathetic and terrified. I had never felt so helpless and whenever I even thought about that class I would just feel an overwhelming sense of dread. I know it hurts and I know it can feel lonley but it has nothing to do with you, there are more woman out there than you think who also haven't experienced SA but no matter if u have or haven't been through it, it's not your fault and any women who brag about it just want their pain and agony to mean something.

 

[XXXTENTACION]

So what isn't about your MH that you see is so different theirs?
Reading on, you can not compare MH "triggers" compare people to people. What you may shrugnoff as a Wednesday might be life altering to them.....and vice versa. We deal with it all in different ways and it's all about that. We all have different amounts on our plates as I said last time we will act differently when loaded with addidiitianal stress and dramas.


Please.......please..........and I know any woman will agree with on this.........you do not want to part of the statistics

 

[Cauliflour]

after the fact I didn't feel how I thought I would, I didn't feel pretty or included or more of a woman. I felt pathetic and terrified.

I wanna feel included and pathetic at the same time.

 

[Kittywuzhere.]

I wanna feel included and pathetic at the same time.

I know you do, it must be rlly frustrating and hard to comprehend why it doesn't happen to u and your feelings r valid but it's all a matter of random circumstances and if it's any consolation I still don't feel a sense of inclusion, i just feel gross. Ik this is a weird suggestion but do u think you could try sum sort of roleplay with a partner? I feel like that might satisfy the want for the type of experience in a safe environment.

 

[Cauliflour]

I know you do, it must be rlly frustrating and hard to comprehend why it doesn't happen to u and your feelings r valid but it's all a matter of random circumstances and if it's any consolation I still don't feel a sense of inclusion, i just feel gross. Ik this is a weird suggestion but do u think you could try sum sort of roleplay with a partner? I feel like that might satisfy the want for the type of experience in a safe environment.

I'm not dating anyone and I don't know anyone who would willingly be up for roleplaying sexual harassment...or roleplay of any sexual kind actually.

I suppose stuff like this is hard to explain because people aren't supposed to want to be in terrible situations but I fantasise about getting flung into max security prison every now and then (more so now) so I don't know how effective bdsm stuff would actually be as that's all fantasy and I genuinely want to get myself hurt because I'm an idiot.

 

[XXXTENTACION]

Okay so @Cauliflower so on a flip side what if a perfectly lovely old school gent spoke to you? Nice chat over breakfast in a diner, bit of banter to the point you both knew you were flirting and you left with each other's numbers......would that not make you feel more wanted? One guy has selected you out of 10,000s that wants to get to know you and in no huge rush to get physically. Does that not bring up a nicer feeling inside than some who is just using you as a piece of meat because you are all that was available?
Don't forget love,
closeness and how important they are x

 

[Cauliflour]

Okay so @Cauliflower so on a flip side what if a perfectly lovely old school gent spoke to you? Nice chat over breakfast in a diner, bit of banter to the point you both knew you were flirting and you left with each other's numbers......would that not make you feel more wanted? One guy has selected you out of 10,000s that wants to get to know you and in no huge rush to get physically. Does that not bring up a nicer feeling inside than some who is just using you as a piece of meat because you are all that was available?
Don't forget love,
closeness and how important they are x

I'm lesbian.

 

[XXXTENTACION]

I'm lesbian.

Okay just flip the gent but and anything else you need. I'm trying to tell you the same story here x

 

[Cauliflour]

Okay just flip the gent but and anything else you need. I'm trying to tell you the same story here x

I would question her sanity on why she picked me out of 10,000 considering I would be a terrible partner. Never been in a relationship (and probably won't for a good few years at the rate I'm at) but the only women I can see who would be happy with me are women who are just as fucked in the head if not more and I'm not sure how you come across people like that in real life unless I go to a mental hospital.

Tbh I also think having someone who genuinely cares like in a romantic sense would really mess me up as I don't want to hurt them but me being like this would hurt them so I'll either have to pretend to stop self harming or continue and hope they become desensitied and don't care.

 

[Kittywuzhere.]

I'm not dating anyone and I don't know anyone who would willingly be up for roleplaying sexual harassment...or roleplay of any sexual kind actually.

I suppose stuff like this is hard to explain because people aren't supposed to want to be in terrible situations but I fantasise about getting flung into max security prison every now and then (more so now) so I don't know how effective bdsm stuff would actually be as that's all fantasy and I genuinely want to get myself hurt because I'm an idiot.

Even so I promise you there are people in your situation who will understand I know it's something u rlly wouldn't want to talk to someone about but maybe talking to a therapist would help, ik it seems typical but it rlly is a judgment free zone and u have a better shot of working it out with them then anyone else

 

[StupidCat]

Am I just fucking retarted?

Yes, welcome to the club.