The anhedonic one
Dead inside
- May 20, 2023
- 1,070
All of you pro-lifers out there who keep trolling this site need to understand that many of us here just simply cannot be fixed.
My own reasons for being here are more than enough to warrant the deep desire to end my existence.
I was born to a Mother who was a malignant narcissist ( I hate referring to her as " Mother ". )
This woman was truly insane and would beat me mercilessly for the slightest thing, and subjected me to the worst relentless mental cruelty imaginable.
When I was 4 years old, this evil woman met a very evil man, who was to become my Stepfather, I shall just refer to him as the devil.
He would also beat me and subject me to mental cruelty, yet the worst was yet to come.
One night, I was dragged out of my bed and my pyjamas torn away from me, and brutally raped by the devil.
The Mother character was naked just a few feet away and was masturbating and laughing as the devil beat me as he raped me.
I screamed and sobbed as I lost my mind and begged for someone to help me.
I cried out to God, yet god wasn't listening.
God never listened, so I never prayed ever again, nobody was coming to help me.
I began suffering from clinical depression age 6, and bipolar type 1 age 16. I also have PTSD, and traits of borderline personality disorder.
These conditions have been with me all through my life and at 59 years old, they shall obviously never go away.
Some people just don't respond to therapy or meds, and I am one of them.
I was bullied at school because I always looked so sad, and rarely ever spoke. The other kids hated me because they thought I was weird, they also made fun of my clothes, because my school uniform was old and too small for me.
At age 17 I joined a biker gang and became an alcoholic. I don't remember much of what happened during the next 7 years but I had several breakdowns and almost died from liver failure due to alcoholism.
I eventually met the love of my life and tried to live a normal life. I got a normal job, and tried to fit into society, yet found it incredibly difficult to do so.
I have very poor social skills, and also don't relate to the vast majority of people in this dreadful world. I also have to deal with my mental illnesses that make trying to live a normal life significantly harder.
I worked hard and tried to fit into society, yet it all became so difficult that I had another breakdown.
During my time in the psych ward, the love of my life ran away with my life savings and the guy nextdoor.
I spent the next few years doing odd part time jobs, and living in sub-standard accommodation, I was just living in survival mode and could barely function.
I am currently homeless and living in a car.
I have no friends or family and am completely alone.
I am suffering from all of these mental illnesses and also a major existential crisis.
So please don't tell people to think happy thoughts, or tell us that things can get better. Because that is simply not true for many of us here.
Many of us here are broken people, and absolutely nothing or no-one can ever put us back together again.
We have died inside, both to ourselves and to the outside world.
We simply just don't want to get better, and the only thing that could ever bring us peace and comfort is knowing that we shall soon be leaving this dreadful world of suffering forever.
Please respect our wish to die.
For some of us really shouldn't be here.
Thank you.
My own reasons for being here are more than enough to warrant the deep desire to end my existence.
I was born to a Mother who was a malignant narcissist ( I hate referring to her as " Mother ". )
This woman was truly insane and would beat me mercilessly for the slightest thing, and subjected me to the worst relentless mental cruelty imaginable.
When I was 4 years old, this evil woman met a very evil man, who was to become my Stepfather, I shall just refer to him as the devil.
He would also beat me and subject me to mental cruelty, yet the worst was yet to come.
One night, I was dragged out of my bed and my pyjamas torn away from me, and brutally raped by the devil.
The Mother character was naked just a few feet away and was masturbating and laughing as the devil beat me as he raped me.
I screamed and sobbed as I lost my mind and begged for someone to help me.
I cried out to God, yet god wasn't listening.
God never listened, so I never prayed ever again, nobody was coming to help me.
I began suffering from clinical depression age 6, and bipolar type 1 age 16. I also have PTSD, and traits of borderline personality disorder.
These conditions have been with me all through my life and at 59 years old, they shall obviously never go away.
Some people just don't respond to therapy or meds, and I am one of them.
I was bullied at school because I always looked so sad, and rarely ever spoke. The other kids hated me because they thought I was weird, they also made fun of my clothes, because my school uniform was old and too small for me.
At age 17 I joined a biker gang and became an alcoholic. I don't remember much of what happened during the next 7 years but I had several breakdowns and almost died from liver failure due to alcoholism.
I eventually met the love of my life and tried to live a normal life. I got a normal job, and tried to fit into society, yet found it incredibly difficult to do so.
I have very poor social skills, and also don't relate to the vast majority of people in this dreadful world. I also have to deal with my mental illnesses that make trying to live a normal life significantly harder.
I worked hard and tried to fit into society, yet it all became so difficult that I had another breakdown.
During my time in the psych ward, the love of my life ran away with my life savings and the guy nextdoor.
I spent the next few years doing odd part time jobs, and living in sub-standard accommodation, I was just living in survival mode and could barely function.
I am currently homeless and living in a car.
I have no friends or family and am completely alone.
I am suffering from all of these mental illnesses and also a major existential crisis.
So please don't tell people to think happy thoughts, or tell us that things can get better. Because that is simply not true for many of us here.
Many of us here are broken people, and absolutely nothing or no-one can ever put us back together again.
We have died inside, both to ourselves and to the outside world.
We simply just don't want to get better, and the only thing that could ever bring us peace and comfort is knowing that we shall soon be leaving this dreadful world of suffering forever.
Please respect our wish to die.
For some of us really shouldn't be here.
Thank you.
you're a prime example of the supportive friends I've made on SS xxx
